Is it ok for a 45 year old woman to date a 20 year old guy?

Just bumping this up to the top so that others can see it and compare it to the other one.

Another bump. For some odd reason people are much less eager to answer this poll than the other one.

Close I was 43 when I dated a 20 year old. We had a year long relationship before I broke it off, which I regretted later. He was my soul mate. I will never find anyone to share that specialness we had. But I'm glad he was able to move one and have a child which I wasn't willing to do.

I have no opinion on this

Take care

(edit, I voted yes it is ok)

Still wondering why there is such a discrepancy between the percentages on this poll and the other one. I'm gonna laugh if the majority becomes no on the other one and remains yes on this one.

I do not know whether it was on this thread or the other thread, but you talked about J.Lo, Mariah Carey's, J.Lo's and Madonna's having younger lovers. I have not heard the first two sing or seen them act, so I am just basing my opinion on how they look.

Mariah Carey has average to below average looks. She is not charming, her smile looks artificial, she does not seem to be enjoying herself, her affect seems severely restricted, and her pictures on Google images offer very little variety (are boring and repetitive). She never looks naturally sensuous and most of her pics portray pathetic attempts at appearing sensual without really being sensual. It is as if she were trying hard, but she does not have it in her and it cannot be helped. Without the whole marketing machine and photoshopping, she probably would be completely generic if you run into her on a busy street. I do not know what made her so popular - maybe she is a good singer and just does not know how to smile, touch her hair, touch her breasts, hold a glass of wine or curve her body without all of that seeming like a hard job she still cannot get the hang of, despite all those years and despite having dance instructors, image makers, makeup artists, photographers, photoeditors, and the whole entourage.

Maybe she is a good singer - I do not know but assume that she must be because based on the looks and that part of the personality that comes through visual images, it is unclear to me how she rose to fame if not due to a strong talent in singing.

To see what I am saying about her being boring and pathetic, look at the whole page of google images for her, and then for Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn and Scarlett Johansson: some are better, some are worse, but they are varied and the women are gems in themselves - the photographers and the whole entourage only serve(d) as the gold or platinum that made/makes the gems stand out and shine and sparkle and dazzle. If you run into Scarlett Johansson on the street, without her entourage, you would notice her because there is nothing generic about her - she has a personality, a wicked smile, authentic and overflowing sensuality that is her core being and not a task she is trying to get better yet, etc.

So if Mariah has a younger lover, I would assume that he wants to benefit from her fame because being her partner gives him opportunities he otherwise would never have. I highly doubt that she is interesting to be with.

Madonna, though not a beauty in the traditional sense, is a very interesting person with her opinion, views, style, etc. She is not generic. She is also a self-made woman. Her affect is not restricted, she is not sappy, unlike Mariah Carey, and her opinion of herself is objective - she herself says that she is not a beauty, that she is very hard-working, all of which seems to be true. Madonna also is mesmerizing, has her own unique charm, and is audacious.

So I would think that her young lover is interested in her as a woman AND benefits from her fame. Plus, because Madonna gets it, she probably realizes that part of the reason her young lover is her fame and part of it is her unique charm. I doubt that she would be deluding herself.

J.Lo is somewhere in-between.

But you put them in a series as if they were comparable. So that is one problem with using those examples.

Another problem is that celebrities do not represent the population at large. Unless the partner of a celebrity is of equal fame, there is always the issue of ulterior motivation. Both men and women sleep their way to success in industries that require this of all but the most talented and determined. Which gender of celebrities is more popular? The female gender. This is very easy to see because tabloid covers have more women than men. Many more. Kate Middleton appears more frequently than Prince William.

So if female celebrities are more famous, as a group, than male celebrities, then people who are fans of celebrities would be more positively disposed towards women celebrities because such people value fame. If more people like female celebrities then more people would speak favorably of the relationships of female celebrities than of the relationships of male celebrities. It does not translate in having the same opinion of couples of regular folks, because the most important factor - the fame - is missing with the regular folks.

Shadix, can you explain why female celebrities are "celebritier" than their male counterparts with only a few exceptions such as the late Michael Jackson? Why

You are referring to the link I posted to that blog where the guy was talking about the age difference double standard. What he was pointing out is that he saw a female friend post that on facebook, and a bunch of other women loved it and the reaction was positive. But everyone know that if someone made a post like that except with examples of male celebrities and much younger women, the reaction would be negative and the finger-wagging feminists would be posting essays about why it is bad. He was pointing out a double standard.

I honestly have no idea why female celebrities are "celebritier" than their male counterparts, I never noticed that. But I will disagree with you about those women. Mariah and J-Lo are pretty attractive in my opinion.

I was 22 when I had feelings for my professor who was maybe in her early 40's or late 30's, and the feeling was mutual we never talked about it but apparently it didn't bother her or didnt bother her enough to stop her from showing interest. I felt weird because I thought looking into the future, it would be difficult having such a huge age gap but honestly if you love someone I don't think it matters, and I felt like despite the age difference we had a strange chemistry and were really alike. I ran away from the forming the relationship because I was scared, and my excuse was the age thing but in hindsight I don't think it matters really, at least not necessarily.

I've also felt really self conscious about it as a male though, I once really liked a girl who had just turned 19 and I was 23, and I was worried people might think badly of me, or think I was some kind of predator or something.

I have dated men both younger and older than me. Dont see the problem as long as no one is getting hurt. If a relationship enhances your life, then age should not matter.

I would say yes as long as one is happy. Personally it would be difficult for me to relate to a partner closer to my daughters age. Good luck to you.

Well, so did I. I voted yes. I was mortified for long time that I, as an older woman wanted to get involved with my best friends son and my daughters friend as well. I have known him since he was 3. I believed that I was crossing some boundaries that should not be crossed. Many questions also ethical issue and was my feelings beyond romance.
Our relationship has grown steadily over the last years; he has always liked to touch me and holds me every chance he got, but I was always ‘not very accommodating’ and I did not let him know I had strong feelings for him. When he turned 18 I told him, I wanted to spend time with him as a friend and not only when we run or play tennis together. He had started holding my hand, touching me, hugging me, etc. I just wanted to enrol him in charm school if I could find one, he became so direct!! It was very hard to get him in the right mind set also because I am so in love; would the families think…is he at 18 capable of making sensible decisions etc….

See what I mean? A female professor in her late 30s or early 40s has no problem showing interest in a 22 year old guy, but a 23 year old guy feels too ashamed to show interest in a 19 year old girl. That is the result of social conditioning.

Another thing I should point out is that the whole stigma against pursuing younger partners is INHERENTLY sexist against men.

Think about it. The social convention is for men to pursue women and women rarely pursue men. So if an older man wants to date younger women, he has to approach them and show interest, otherwise nothing will happen. But when a woman dates a younger man, it is almost always because the young man did the pursuing. Who do you think is judged more harshly, the woman who gets asked out by a younger man and says yes, or the man who actively pursues younger women?

Add onto this the fact that feminist society is conditioning women to be see older men who pursue them as creepy weirdos, whereas men are being conditioned to see older women who pursue them as sexy cougars.

I definitely agree, male sexuality is sometimes seen as predatory... like we're only after one thing. I think you just have to shake off social expectations, ro grow into a person whom it doesnt have as strong a sway over sometimes and see for yourself if you truly believe something is beneficial or not, being in that situation taught me that I care way too much what "society" thinks of me.

Google has 209 000 000 search results for Angelina Jolie and 116 000 000 results for Brad Pitt.

I cannot believe that one may NOT notice that; even I notice that not watching TV but simply registering who appears on the covers at the grocery store checkout line. If I noticed that (without checking Google - I checked Google just now to show you that women are not a bit celebritier but almost twice as celebrity).

I think there is some bias in what you see and how you view the world around you. You write a lot about bias in society, and yet did not notice such a for-crying-out-loud-completely-self-evident fact.

We can of course disagree on whether Mariah is pretty attractive because this is subjective opinion, but that women celebrities are celebritier is a patently obvious objective fact.

Just felt like this thread needed to be brought back...

I think there are no rules. As long as it is legal.

If 45 and 20 year old want to date each other, what do I care? I am not sure what you mean "if it is ok?". Ok for whom?

I like younger guys (well I like men, period lol) but wouldn't be attracted to 20 year old, at least I haven't met one I was attracted to but if I was attracted then who cares?

I dated younger guys as well as older. I think it is personal preference.

Oops didn't realize it is s very old thread,

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