Is it ok for a 45 year old woman to date a 20 year old guy?

Shadix · Nov 16, 2014, 04:26 PM

Felt the need to ask this in response to that other thread. I am interested to know how many brave souls there are here who will admit that they are ok with an older woman dating a younger man but not ok with an older man dating a younger woman.

BeBrave483 · Nov 16, 2014, 04:44 PM

I'll be brave and post first. I've always liked younger guys. At the moment I'm almost 35 and the guy I love is only 25. I've never actually dated anyone as young, and we're never going to date either (and I know it's less of an age gap than the question asked) I do wonder sometimes too why it's ok for the guy to be older but not the woman (at least that's what I've come across) I know people say women are more mature. I don't know but I like my toy boys. I do however feel more comfortable dating someone closer to my age, purely in case it's frowned upon or I have any self doubt about it being weird or whatever. I've just never found older men attractive. Anyway I think we should be allowed love who we love, but I know it's not an ideal world and there will always be someone with something to say about it. I don't know about a 25 year old gap so this is probably a pointless post anyway, sorry.

Open Eyes · Nov 16, 2014, 05:30 PM

I voted "no" as a 20 year old is still very, very young and a women 45 would be typically way more mature and would do better with someone close to her age.

SnakeCharmer · Nov 16, 2014, 07:13 PM

I don't see anything wrong with older women dating younger men, but 20 would be pushing it for me. In the state where I live, the woman could be arrested for serving the young guy a beer. How about at least making him fully legal?

hamster-bamster · Nov 16, 2014, 11:15 PM

I have not done it yet but see no reason why not. "Theatre", anyone?

hamster-bamster · Nov 16, 2014, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

I don't see anything wrong with older women dating younger men, but 20 would be pushing it for me. In the state where I live, the woman could be arrested for serving the young guy a beer. How about at least making him fully legal?

But that is purely an artifact of the law that makes it illegal for people who have driver's licenses and voting rights to drink. That law is thoroughly bizarre and the United States has only a handful of "buddies" worldwide with the drinking age as high as 21, and most of the buddies are Muslim countries.

Among the developed countries in the West, there is only 1 (!!!) country that criminalizes drinking until such an advanced age, and it is the US. Here is the source:

Minimum Legal Drinking Ages around the World

Even Finland - a country that, like the US, has Prohibition in its history, mandates 18 as the drinking age. So we live in an oddball of a place - a non-Muslim country with that high the minimum drinking age. ??? remnants of Prohibition? other reasons? I do not know the history of this issue, but it definitely is very strange.

Shadix · Nov 16, 2014, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

But that is purely an artifact of the law that makes it illegal for people who have driver's licenses and voting rights to drink. That law is thoroughly bizarre and the United States has only a handful of "buddies" worldwide with the drinking age as high as 21, and most of the buddies are Muslim countries.

Among the developed countries in the West, there is only 1 (!!!) country that criminalizes drinking until such an advanced age, and it is the US. Here is the source:

Minimum Legal Drinking Ages around the World

Even Finland - a country that, like the US, has Prohibition in its history, mandates 18 as the drinking age. So we live in an oddball of a place - a non-Muslim country with that high the minimum drinking age. ??? remnants of Prohibition? other reasons? I do not know the history of this issue, but it definitely is very strange.

Yeah, I don't get the drinking laws either. It's not like anyone actually waits till they're 21 to drink.

What's funny is that 18-21 is actually the age group where people are expected to do the most drinking. In fact, 25+ is generally seen as being too old to get wasted at parties like a college kid. Very odd to me.

hamster-bamster · Nov 16, 2014, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

Yeah, I don't get the drinking laws either. It's not like anyone actually waits till they're 21 to drink.

What's funny is that 18-21 is actually the age group where people are expected to do the most drinking. In fact, 25+ is generally seen as being too old to get wasted at parties like a college kid. Very odd to me.

I find it outrageously dangerous that college kids get wasted at parties. I started drinking within the family (the safest route to responsible alcohol consumption) at age 3 - just homemade wine at first. I have never ever been drunk in my life (43 now) and I was responsible in college; never drank too much. But by the time I entered college, I had had 15 years of very moderate, positive, and supervised family drinking experience (drinking alcohol with food, with non-alcoholic beverages, in the circle of the extended family, and over an extended period of time - you get the picture). That modern American parents send their kids off to colleges without knowing FOR SURE that the kids can handle alcohol responsibly... Russian roulette.

Plus, all this criminalization leads to alcohol's being attractive as a forbidden fruit and as a rite of passage. I think that partially explains drinking binges among colleges students.

But this is tangential to the OP's Q.

FreeBird98 · Nov 17, 2014, 03:51 AM

why not? both are consenting adults...it may not work out due to being on different wavelengths but that doesn't mean that it's not ok.

Shadix · Nov 17, 2014, 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I find it outrageously dangerous that college kids get wasted at parties. I started drinking within the family (the safest route to responsible alcohol consumption) at age 3 - just homemade wine at first. I have never ever been drunk in my life (43 now) and I was responsible in college; never drank too much. But by the time I entered college, I had had 15 years of very moderate, positive, and supervised family drinking experience (drinking alcohol with food, with non-alcoholic beverages, in the circle of the extended family, and over an extended period of time - you get the picture). That modern American parents send their kids off to colleges without knowing FOR SURE that the kids can handle alcohol responsibly... Russian roulette.

Plus, all this criminalization leads to alcohol's being attractive as a forbidden fruit and as a rite of passage. I think that partially explains drinking binges among colleges students.

But this is tangential to the OP's Q.

I agree, the binge drinking that goes on in college parties is definitely dangerous. I find it very odd how having even a casual dating relationship with a man in his late 20s is considered unhealthy dangerous behavior that college girls need to be protected from, but getting wasted at college parties is considered perfectly normal and acceptable.

Webgoji · Nov 17, 2014, 07:10 AM

It's fine in my opinion. I wouldn't have anything in common with someone that was 20 years old, but .. as the kids say ... whatevs.

kelly8896 · Nov 17, 2014, 02:27 PM

My mom dated a 22 year old when she was 42. They married 3 years later and are still happily married. 28 years later (she's 73, he's 53). I don't think age matters. He was mature and knew he what he wanted in a marriage and life. They are still very lovey dovey towards each other and I couldn't think of a better man for her.

My step-dad is only 8 years older than me, but has been more of a father to me and my siblings than our biological dad ever was. He's was and is wise beyond his years and is supportive as any husband and father could be.

ChipperMonkey · Nov 17, 2014, 10:21 PM

Perfectly legal, but at the same time, of two very different generations. She's gen X, he's gen Y. Maybe back to back generations weren't so different in the past, but it seems like there's a big difference between these two generations because of how rapidly society is progressing. I'm 35 and have dated as much as 10 years my junior. The guys aren't all that mature yet, and there is a definite disconnect in other ways too. Not saying it would be like this for everyone, but I don't see it as a lasting relationship.

hamster-bamster · Nov 18, 2014, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

I agree, the binge drinking that goes on in college parties is definitely dangerous. I find it very odd how having even a casual dating relationship with a man in his late 20s is considered unhealthy dangerous behavior that college girls need to be protected from, but getting wasted at college parties is considered perfectly normal and acceptable.

That! And the idea that adopting the victim stand if something happens in that wasted state is the way to go surely does nothing to promote responsibility in young women.

hamster-bamster · Nov 18, 2014, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Perfectly legal, but at the same time, of two very different generations. She's gen X, he's gen Y. Maybe back to back generations weren't so different in the past, but it seems like there's a big difference between these two generations because of how rapidly society is progressing. I'm 35 and have dated as much as 10 years my junior. The guys aren't all that mature yet, and there is a definite disconnect in other ways too. Not saying it would be like this for everyone, but I don't see it as a lasting relationship.

I think that this is because in the past, a generation was that - a generation. 25-35 years apart.

Now, each new iPhone release signals a new generation. And they are not being spaced 25-23 years apart!

And if I mention that I remember the Internet before Web 2.0, then what? Go to costco.com and look for the prettiest casket for myself?

Shadix · Nov 21, 2014, 04:27 AM

I asked this question to make a point. Compare the responses and the percentages here to the ones on the other poll question about a 45 year old man dating a 20 year old girl.

hamster-bamster · Nov 21, 2014, 04:33 AM

View Poll Results: Is it ok for a 45 year old woman to date a 20 year old guy?
Yes 10 83.33%
No 2 16.67%

this is no info - too few responses

View Poll Results: Is it OK for a 45 year old man to date a 20-year-old woman?
Yes 44 59.46%
No 30 40.54%

Here there are enough responses to consider the results. But you cannot compare with the figures above because there were so few responses.

The only conclusion one might draw from those two polls and their results is that people are much more willing to opine on the appropriateness of dating relationships in which the man is older than the woman. That is all.

hamster-bamster · Nov 21, 2014, 04:48 AM

84 posts 13,242 views
Is it ok for a 45 year old woman to date a 20 year old guy

16 posts 229 views on the thread posing the reverse scenario.

The only thing one can conclude is that people are simply not interested in talking about older woman / younger man relationships. 229 views is nothing - not much different from zero.

Shadix · Nov 26, 2014, 08:54 PM

So 84% say it's ok for a 45 year old woman to date a 20 year old woman, yet 38 year old Robin Thicke is receiving universal condemnation for dating a 19 year old girl. There is an article on the yahoo front page talking about how "we hate Robin Thick now" because of the pictures of his girlfriend, and nearly ALL the commenters are talking about how he's a sleazy douchebag for dating a younger girl. Anyone care to explain this to me?

Steiner of Thule · Nov 26, 2014, 09:05 PM

I voted no.

lizardlady · Nov 26, 2014, 11:33 PM

The difference in number of views and responses probably has more to do with the fact that the older male/younger female question was posted on 04-27-12 and the older female/younger male question was posted a couple of weeks ago.

I voted "yes" on this poll. I think I voted "yes" on the other poll. Personally it is up to the two people involved. If they are happy with each other that's what matters.

hamster-bamster · Nov 27, 2014, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

So 84% say it's ok for a 45 year old woman to date a 20 year old woman, yet 38 year old Robin Thicke is receiving universal condemnation for dating a 19 year old girl. There is an article on the yahoo front page talking about how "we hate Robin Thick now" because of the pictures of his girlfriend, and nearly ALL the commenters are talking about how he's a sleazy douchebag for dating a younger girl. Anyone care to explain this to me?

I did not know who they are, so I ran a few searches. What stunned me is that she is called "stunning". She has a standard model's body (elongated everything) and reasonably attractive facial features which look much better with less makeup than with a lot of makeup, and with a lot of makeup her face looks ridiculous.

This is not a propos of your query, though. It was just weird to me - it seems that because she is dating a celebrity, the press would feel obligated to call her stunning, even though she is somewhat above average tops, in terms of her looks.

But then maybe this IS a propos of what you asked. Maybe it goes like this: if a celeb is dating a model, she HAS to be called stunning no matter her actual appearance and he HAS to be called a douchebag, and some other things HAVE to be said. Just a protocol of sorts, maybe?

Shadix · Nov 27, 2014, 07:45 PM

I think a clever way that sexists covertly promote their double standard is that they usually stigmatize PURSUING younger people. This doesn't have much of an effect on women since it is usually the man who does the pursuing. Men, on the other hand, will usually need to approach a woman if they want to to connect with her. So the stigma is inherently sexist against men.

Shadix · Dec 01, 2014, 04:27 AM

I just wanna throw this out there. There was a show called Weeds that aired in 2008 or so, and in it, Julie Bowen(the actress who plays Claire in Modern Family) plays a 40 year old woman who has a sexual relationship with a 17 year old guy. The relationship is portrayed as him seducing her and they both enjoy it. You would NEVER see a show portraying a sexual relationship between a 40 year old guy and a 17 year old girl where the girl is not the the portrayed as being the victim. If there was, the network would probably be forced to cancel the show. It should be clear as day to everyone that there is a double standard deeply ingrained in our society and for this reason, we have to step back and reexamine our attitudes about this subject. For example, people who think that a 22 year old guy deserves to go to jail for 10 years for having erotic text conversations with a 16 year old should REALLY think about why they feel that way.

Ollie367 · Dec 02, 2014, 06:42 AM

I don't see why I should judge someone else choices (if they aren't involving violence or other offenses, obviously). As soon as both parts are consenting, I don't really see a problem with it. If it's love, why should it bother me? It's not an offense, after all.

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