Boyfriend issue and doubt

#374950 REPLY

Emma
I have been feeling like my boyfriend and I are slowly growing apart from each other. We were in a long distance relationship but he now lives closer so I thought we would spend a lot of time together, but we don’t. The calls decreased and we text but we don’t even text as much as we messaged when he lived far away.

As much as it hurts, I opened my heart to accept that he may just not be into me anymore. When I say it hurts, I mean it hurts to feel this way after being with someone for years. I decided to sit down and talk to him in person about it. I wanted it in person so that if we decided to close this chapter, it wouldn’t be via hanging up a phone.

When I told him I needed to meet to discuss something important, he said that he had his kids with him and asked what it was. I told him it had to be in person only and would try back later. I tried the next day and he said he could meet and would arrange it after his appointment. I checked in and by then he was picking up his kids. So I said forget it and talked by phone.

I told him how things weren’t the same. I pointed out the time we weren’t spending together and how our communications are less than they were when he lived far away. I straight forward asked him if he has lost interest in me.

He said that things are this way because he is trying to get his life in order. He said that he badly needs a job and is very busy trying to find one. He said his source of income now is small and he has kids and things that he owes on. He told me that since he moved back, he only been out with friends a couple of times. He said it’s not because he doesn’t want to go out but that he focuses on his kids because when he had moved away he saw very little of them. He finished by saying he is trying his best to keep everyone satisfied.

I feel so dismissed.

Relationships do have an ebb and flow. His adding more in person time with his children, is huge.

Is he distant and cooled off, when you do get moments to talk or meet in person? Are you keeping yourself busy?

When we have lunch, we are engaged and I enjoy it. When i am home, i stay in bed sad

He did not dismiss you - he told you that he has competing priorities and is having a hard time juggling them. By telling you that he is trying to keep EVERYONE satisfied, he put you on the list of his top priorities. Unless you are trying to compete for his time with his kids and compete for his attention span and worry list with his need to find stable income, I would do as Healing suggested, keeping yourself busy.

Yesterday morning, we planned to spend the evening together. My goal was to establish a plan to fit me into his life more. I have very strong intentions of calling it off because i cant take these feeling of being blown off. I also found that he was with friends bragging about having money in which he doesnt at all.

When i called him for a meeting time, i couldnt get an answer. Eventually i had a message from him. He told me that he has a lot going on at this time. He asked me to give him some time. He said that he isnt ignoring me or anything like that. He added that he is just going through something.

I felt better when i heard his message. It made me feel like be wasnt rejecting me. As the night progressed that changed a little. I am going to keep myself busy and enjoy my life but i am at risk of feeling abandoned or not cherished