[geis]

I think I've posted here before about my issues with my roommate, but I'm seriously at the point where I can't take it anymore. I'm at the point where I'm seriously suicidal. She's in the kitchen yelling to her mother about me and has been for the last half an hour. I can't get rid of her because she's on the lease, so I feel like there's no way out. I'm afraid to come out of my room, even to use the bathroom. I can't live like this.

I've texted my landlady and said I need to talk to her about the situation, and I've called my case manager and said I needed to talk to her ASAP, but neither of them has gotten back to me. I'm seriously having trouble coping with my impulses right now, and I'm not sure how long I can keep it up if they don't call me back soon. I can't even call a crisis line because she'll overhear me.

[Angelique67]

There's nothing wrong with her hearing you call a crisis line. You need to do what's best for yourself in this minute. I'm so sorry the situation is so bad (((((geis)))))). I can relate because I've had some horrendous roommate experiences of my own. I hope things change for the better asap.

[Lexi232]

Yikes!
i would think if it gets unbareably bad as it is right now, you could call the police in to intervene. if she cant get a grip on her actions, and words, and harrassment, then they can make her get her stuff out, and stay somewhere else for the night, or upcoming nights.. which would buy you some time until the landlord or your casemanager can call you back..
I know these places aren't near you, but they don't deny talking to people just because they aren't in the area that they serve. You can text, CSIS to 839863 , or a chat room here: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

or Lifeline

[geis]

She's not doing anything violent or threatening or even violating the lease, so the cops wouldn't be able to do anything. Unfortunately, being a jerk is not against the law. And if she hears me talking to a crisis line, that'll just end up being ammo for her to use against me. Also, if I tell them I'm really worried I'll hurt myself, they'll send the cops after me and drag me off to the hospital. All that'll do is take me away for a few days, and then I'll be in an even worse situation.

I just need to figure out a way to get through this until my landlady and case manager get back to me.

[~Christina]

Turn your TV or play a cd/music whatever and call a hotline.. Don't" not" reach out because you are worried about her hearing you on the phone.

Stay safe

[geis]

Well, she's now Facebook stalking me too, so I don't put it beyond her AT ALL to spy on my phone calls. There's nowhere safe to talk about the situation. I did tell my landlady what's going on, but she's still at work.

There's nothing a hotline could do because she hasn't done anything illegal. Just being a passive-aggressive asshole who doesn't care about anybody's feelings but her own. I just can't live like this. I don't feel safe in my own house. I feel like there's nowhere safe for me to exist.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by geis

Well, she's now Facebook stalking me too, so I don't put it beyond her AT ALL to spy on my phone calls. There's nowhere safe to talk about the situation. I did tell my landlady what's going on, but she's still at work.

There's nothing a hotline could do because she hasn't done anything illegal. Just being a passive-aggressive asshole who doesn't care about anybody's feelings but her own. I just can't live like this. I don't feel safe in my own house. I feel like there's nowhere safe for me to exist.

you can set your facebook settings so that only you and those on your friends list can see your page. that is how my private, family and work facebook setting are. you can also set your facebook so that no one can search for you by using your email, phone number nor address.

when you have all your facebook settings set if someone happens to find you or they have already found you and tries to see your facebook page all they will see is your name and a statement that in order to see this facebook users profile and all they have to be on your friends list. you can also set your facebook settings to whether or not you want non friends to send you messages or not. you can also set your facebook so that no one can send you a friend request. you send out the friend requests to those you know rather then people sending you the requests

my suggestion if you dont want this person seeing your facebook, stalking you on facebook review your settings and reset them to friends only and close out messages for non friends.

you can also use library or other public computers rather than using your home computer or cell phone to access facebook.

as for her snooping on your cell phone thats easily fixed too. when ever you send a text go into your sent box and delete the texts the same with those you receive. if you find you want to keep a text get a free yahoo email account then forward the texts to your yahoo email. this way you will have the texts on yahoo and not on your phone where room mates friends and family can accidentally or purposely snoop into your phone for them. dont attach your cell phone to yahoo. just memorize the email account so you can send the text to yahoo and then delete them off your phone.

[Lexi232]

Originally Posted by geis

Well, she's now Facebook stalking me too, so I don't put it beyond her AT ALL to spy on my phone calls. There's nowhere safe to talk about the situation. I did tell my landlady what's going on, but she's still at work.

There's nothing a hotline could do because she hasn't done anything illegal. Just being a passive-aggressive asshole who doesn't care about anybody's feelings but her own. I just can't live like this. I don't feel safe in my own house. I feel like there's nowhere safe for me to exist.

!!!! stalking/chasing/invading/violating ones privacy IS illegal. and bullying has became illegal in a lot of places as well.
A hotline is there to talk, or for you to get advice or even to pass the time. they can advise you to call the cops, but they as far as i know, they cant (unless they are the teen runaway hotline... and youre a runaway.. calling them... )


picking fights, or initating a fight, or trying to rally others up into a fight, also isnt okay for her to be doing.

the police are there to provide peace between people, and are there to protect.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by geis

She's not doing anything violent or threatening or even violating the lease, so the cops wouldn't be able to do anything. Unfortunately, being a jerk is not against the law. And if she hears me talking to a crisis line, that'll just end up being ammo for her to use against me. Also, if I tell them I'm really worried I'll hurt myself, they'll send the cops after me and drag me off to the hospital. All that'll do is take me away for a few days, and then I'll be in an even worse situation.

I just need to figure out a way to get through this until my landlady and case manager get back to me.

That is true, but if YOU call - not the crisis line, but the police - and tell them that she is disturbing peace, then they will come check on you guys, and that alone would hopefully deter her from repeating the yelling about you in your presence. And if it does not deter her, then, well, there will be a record of your having called the cops AFTER HER.

So you need to go pee if you have had to hold it in all the while, then call the police' REGULAR number (not for emergencies - not 911, but regular, which is found on the website of your city) and calmly tell them what has been going on. Calm voice, enunciate clearly, do not rush yourself - tell them what has been going on. Then, they will send a cop to the place. when the cop comes, calmly tell him what has been going on and ask, politely, for the report number. If this is too much for you, then file a report online - many matters can be reported to the police online. After you file that report, you will get a case number. Or, you will get a confirmation email with a case number. With that in hand, text your landlady, saying that, unfortunately, you had to escalate the situation and want to keep her in the loop - include the report or case # in the text to the landlady.

And after that, STOP worrying and let the landlady deal with it, because YOU are on the lease and SHE is responsible for providing a safe place to live to you in exchange for the money you pay her. So shift the weight of this issue onto the landlady and leave it to the police, landlady, and your roommate. Do not communicate with the roommate beyond the minimally necessary.

Keep us posted, please.

[hamster-bamster]

PS You are in MA - you must have all sorts of resources available for tenants. Free mediation, I am sure, is available, and what not. You need to simply utilize those resources.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

That is true, but if YOU call - not the crisis line, but the police - and tell them that she is disturbing peace, then they will come check on you guys, and that alone would hopefully deter her from repeating the yelling about you in your presence. And if it does not deter her, then, well, there will be a record of your having called the cops AFTER HER.

So you need to go pee if you have had to hold it in all the while, then call the police' REGULAR number (not for emergencies - not 911, but regular, which is found on the website of your city) and calmly tell them what has been going on. Calm voice, enunciate clearly, do not rush yourself - tell them what has been going on. Then, they will send a cop to the place. when the cop comes, calmly tell him what has been going on and ask, politely, for the report number. If this is too much for you, then file a report online - many matters can be reported to the police online. After you file that report, you will get a case number. Or, you will get a confirmation email with a case number. With that in hand, text your landlady, saying that, unfortunately, you had to escalate the situation and want to keep her in the loop - include the report or case # in the text to the landlady.

And after that, STOP worrying and let the landlady deal with it, because YOU are on the lease and SHE is responsible for providing a safe place to live to you in exchange for the money you pay her. So shift the weight of this issue onto the landlady and leave it to the police, landlady, and your roommate. Do not communicate with the roommate beyond the minimally necessary.

Keep us posted, please.

Just a bit of heads up...yes a landlord must supply a safe place to live but by legal standards that does not mean safe from room mates. it means safety issues like floors not rotted/holes, stair wells well lit, electrical system isnt going to shock or electrocute someone if they turn on a light, plug in things. here in the USA the landlord is not resposible for things like settling disputes /and making sure room mates are being safe with each other.

the only time managers/landlords are responsible for keeping tenents safe with each other is if its an inpatient facility/mental or physical health adult foster home, mental or physical health group home, assisted living centers for the mentally or physically challenged or senior (over 65 yrs old) assisted living centers/nursing home facilities.

here in the USA the tenants are responsible for what goes on between their neighbors, other tenants/room mates. How do I know this...because I once took a room mate to court and the judge told me the tenent/landlord federal laws (I was on HUD at the time and co renting an apartment) and the state laws.

my suggestion for the both the original poster and anyone else who wants to know what their state and federal laws of what is the tenets responsibility vs landlords responsibilities is contact your local hud/section 8 office, they have this information free of charge to anyone that asks simply because their agency must make sure they and those that work with follow federal and state laws for tennet/landlord responsibilities. in fact they hand out this paper when ever someone applies for hud/section 8 so that they are fully informed about these things.

[hamster-bamster]

MA is a very pro-tenant state, though. There must be recourse for OP.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

MA is a very pro-tenant state, though. There must be recourse for OP.

according to MA HUD /Section 8 a landlords responsibility is to

comply with antidiscrimination laws (they can not refuse to rent to a tenent because that tenet may be mentally /physically challenged, their race, sexual orientation....

provide habitable housing unit
follow state rent rules (dont charge more than what the state allows,meet state secruty deposit rules, meet return of security deposit rules, have rental contracts on file for each tenet....)
make legally required disclosures (report criminal activity that may be going on in the rental unit such as drug dealing, prostitution...)
dont retailiate against a tenent for reporting the landlord for discrimination, violating rental laws
follow the contracted and legal procedures for terminating tenents who may be delinquent on their rent or or other wise legal reasons for terminating a tenet in a court of law.

in the state of MA landlords do not have the responsibility to settle room mate disputes. they may evict a tenent who is committing a crime. but even then they have to go through the process of having that tenet arrested for the crime and go to court to evict that tenet.

basically disputes between room mates in MA and the USA falls under the same description of two friends having a fight, or if it gets violent it falls under the states domestic violence laws and if the problem in the rental unit can be heard outside the unit it falls under the city disturbing the peace ordinance.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

MA is a very pro-tenant state, though. There must be recourse for OP.

http://www.mass.gov/ocabr/docs/tenantsrights.pdf
http://www.mass.gov/ocabr/docs/landlordrights.pdf

As you can see these pamplets that Hud/Section 8 gives out the land lord is not responsible for settling disputes between tenets. they are responsible for working out disputes that cause the tenet a problem with living up to their contract (According to HUD/Section 8 this means if there is a problem with the unit that is causing the person to not be able to pay their rent, try to work out a payment plan if tenet has a financial problem come up that affects their paying the rent one month,... problems that are addressed in their contracted lease that would otherwise get the tenet evicted)

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

http://www.mass.gov/ocabr/docs/tenantsrights.pdf
http://www.mass.gov/ocabr/docs/landlordrights.pdf

As you can see these pamplets that Hud/Section 8 gives out the land lord is not responsible for settling disputes between tenets. they are responsible for working out disputes that cause the tenet a problem with living up to their contract (According to HUD/Section 8 this means if there is a problem with the unit that is causing the person to not be able to pay their rent, try to work out a payment plan if tenet has a financial problem come up that affects their paying the rent one month,... problems that are addressed in their contracted lease that would otherwise get the tenet evicted)

You are right. The best way to proceed is to engage a mediator in talks with the roommate who is causing trouble. The Attorney general of MA's website is supposed to have resources listed by county.