What is going on with my relationship / partner? She punched and hit me during sex.

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other night, out of nowhere she slapped, then punched, dug her nails into my arm then pressed into my chest as hard as she could. I was shocked... She jumped off me before finishing, although I think she was very close. I asked her if she was into hitting me, she said no, it was impulsive. We went to bed and didn t talk about it in the am.
Later the next day she texted me saying sorry I hit you. I told her if she wants to go down that road, it s something we have to discuss before it happens. In the past she has requested that I slap , choke and pull her hair, but only when she requests it. We later talked in person, I want her to be happy sexually and I m willing to experiment if it s something she is into. I started questioning her with an open mind if she likes it, she said she hit me, then she felt bad... So she got off me and didn t finish. However she said before hitting me, she was so raging angry at me that impulsively she started to hit me. She doesn t know why she was angry at me, she just was. She said if she could have made me bleed, she would have. She doesn t think it s something she is into for erotic purposes, I told her if it is, don t be embarrassed and let s talk about it. She is quite controlling with our day to days, she has admitted that she doesn t like when I take charge in bed, she likes to tell me what to do and follow her requests. She isn t a look into my eyes passionate lover. She can be on again off again with love and affection. We have been dating for over a year, both in our later 20's. I'm baffled by the lack of communication and her answer just seems confusing. Is she really that confused and doesn't know what's going on? Is she embarrassed that she may be into A more kinky sex life. The thing that sort of put a bit of worry in my mind is she said she all of a sudden was ANGRY and she wanted to HURT me, draw blood somehow but with no erotic purposes. Please help me out.

***** I have since talked to my gf from above*****
Since being unsatisfied with my girlfriends answer I talked to her further about what happen. She was frustrated that we were talking about it again, it had already been talked about and she was already sorry. I told her something doesn't seem right and I feel like we are in a dysfunctional relationship. I told her that I feel she subconsciously hates me. I was ready to leave. If she hates me, I need to know why... So I asked. She said she doesn't hate me but she gets angry / irritated when I don't listen. If I don't listen it snowballs and everything becomes a problem. I do listen but I do make the mistake of having acting certain ways that she has asked that I don't. The most challenging part of this, they are things that are imbedded in my personality. I make a conscious effort to not display these behaviours around her but it's challenging 32 years of being me and turning off a part of me. A head up, she doesn't like when I'm playful, when I randomly hug her or grab her. She finds it immature and she wants to be treated like a woman.. I'm questioning if it's me. However I know hitting should never happen in a relationship.

Ever since we first started dating I've noticed something's that have really made my intuition want me to leave. The controlling behaviour, anger, lack of passion, empathy and care for others. Also moodiness is really difficult to be around. My intuition is telling me that there is something bigger going on. What should I do? Should I leave? What is going on?

Welcome to Psych Central Arialside. It sounds like your girlfriend is resisting facing the inner turmoil. If you could get her to a couple's therapy session, it might come out.
Sharing intimacy is a vulnerable moment of great tenderness. When it is marred by anger, violence and pain, it raises a wall that is not easily lowered. It is a barrier to true intimacy, not just physical closeness.

Personally I would scale back intimacy since it is bringing up unexplainable anger in her.

there are some forums here that you might visit.

Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

Post-traumatic Stress - Forums at Psych Central

Keep in mind that some people are triggered emotional by frank discussion of sex. you will get more responses if you describe in future posts less graphic details. Just a tip so you can get better responses.

That didn't seem like it sounded like an erotic bdsm type of bedroom behavior.

If she cannot be frank and open about what she's feeling in any given moment, or close to it as possible, then counseling might be something she needs.

May be time to take an internal inventory about your relationship, where you see it headed, the good, bad, the ugly of it all.

Truly know where you stand, so that whatever decisions you make are with conviction.

Has she ever been the victim of rape, incest or some sort of physical/sexual violence? Sounds like maybe she suppresses it, so it probably isn't something she talks about; however the experience manifests itself during sex.

As was mentioned in an earlier response, therapy would probably help. Start off with couples therapy...then maybe she will want her own private sessions.

On the other hand, do you want to make an investment in this relationship? It's a choice you probably need to make first.

I'm often the first person to suggest couple's counseling, but my first impression when reading your post was that making that kind of investment in this relationship would not be good for you in the long run. It sounds as if you already know there's big trouble here and know it would be best for you to leave.

In my own mind, I switched the genders and asked what people would say and what I'd say if you were the female writing that her boyfriend flew into a rage and had started slapping the hell out of her during sex. What would people say?

Run. And don't look back. It would be unanimous. Men don't deserve to be slapped around any more than women do. Especially during sex, when you're in an intimate and vulnerable state. If she can go into a rage, with the urge to draw blood, because she doesn't like a basic aspect of your personality, how could you ever relax or trust her? If it was erotic and you were both into it, it would be great. But his is something different.

Run.

I suggested therapy. She was not keen on the idea. She said if we are have to talk to a therapist a year in, there is a big problem. My response, you hit me, out of anger, you would have drawn blood if you could. She's still not keen on therapy.

I think I'll see if things change within the next month. I feel like in constantly giving it another month and hoping for change.

She has never been a victim of rape as far as she's revealed.

What if she attacks you again , tomorrow or a week from Tuesday? Your willing to stay with someone that would have drawn blood if she could have??

Cut your loses and save yourself from some bruises broken bones and possible loss of blood or much worse...end this.

Not supposed to hurt. period. male or female

I think you seriously need to take your girlfriend to a therapist. It sounds like she has some problems and you can’t just let her hit you around like that.

Do you have a little brother, or sister, mom? If this was what they described to you would you tell them to stay or leave? Breaking up is so hard. And sex with the wrong person can be amazing. But.. From what I read.. You don't seem happy. There are so so so so so many beautiful people in the world who would treat you with love, respect, & kindness all of the time, not just some of the time. People who would never dream of hitting or hurting you.

I really disagree with everyone suggesting therapy. I agree with snakecharmer. Leave & don't look back! Better things await you. Don't keep yourself in a ****** situation. She hits you once shame on her, she hits you twice shame on you ..