over thinking??

so, a few weeks ago, I deactivated facebook (to get away from the crap for awhile) & my boyfriend still has it. my sister text me & said he's adding alot of girls (which he always did have female friends, like I have male friends) but now my head is just thinking crazy. we have been thru so much in this past year & he said before if he didn't wanna be with me, he'd tell me. he doesn't sugarcoat things, he specifically said he'd never cheat too. his actions pretty much mean he wants to be with me but I can't help this thinking & it drives me crazy.

we were on a break a few weeks ago which honestly, lasted about 2days. he text me & said he missed me, was miserable & asked to see me. he even gave me my promise ring back. I was sick last week & he drove 45mins away (he lives that far from me) to stay the night & take care of me.

so I always been told to follow my heart but lately my head has been fighting it. how do I stop this??

The best thing you can do is just ask him about it You said he is pretty straight froward so just ask him and put your mind to rest.

I like jelly-beans comment.

Just ask when you are calm, and it will help put you at ease.

I have asked before, we're both the same way. sometimes we get jealous alot of opposite sex friends. he has said before he would never cheat on me (he's been cheated on & hurt in past relationships) but i still can't help but think he would. with all the stuff we been thru, I'm surprised he hasn't left to be honest. he says he loves me, gave me a promise ring & won't break it. but it's like my head is trying to mess it up. drives me crazy

Sarah, is this a pattern that has been consistent from one man to another for you? Or is it a new thing?

I do not think that you need to ask him because he's already answered. The culprit here is not the guy but your sis, right? Why does your sister think that it is her job to spy on his FB contacts and convey her intelligence to you? You deactivated FB so you must have had a reason to do so, but then you should not be accepting FB-based intelligence from your sis.

noo. just him. this is the first time i actually been IN LOVE & sometimes, idk how to act. and you're right, she just came out & text me about it yesterday. maybe her "way" of looking out for me? i believe in my heart he wouldn't do it, my head just likes to mess with me

Your sister might be trying to tell you something. I don't think you would be suspicious without reason. Something is telling you to keep an eye out. You might try to check on him when it's least expected. If he is where he says he is and with who. I've been lied to before and it's a bad feeling. I'd check things out quietly and not tell anyone what you are doing. Hope he's being honest with you.

You know the sister better. There might be undercurrents - the relationships between sisters differ SO much from one family to the next. She might be looking out for you; she might be undermining you; she might be undermining him; she might be provoking you; guessing what her motivation is is extremely hard, since a lot depends on her own relationship status - if she is single she might secretly begrudge you your coupled up status and try to ruin the fun for you under the guise of a protector.

To her report: she said that he is adding lots of girls. You said that he always had lots of female friends. And that you have lots of male friends. Do you realize that people's attention spans are fairly limited, as are other resources; had he been into another woman currently, there would have been a spike in his exchanges with one particular facebook contact, but your sister reported his having been adding lots of women, which does not make it appear that he is into somebody in particular, plus, is not out of character for him, and, another plus, the reverse is not out of character for you (wrt male friends). So what was the NEWS in your sis' intelligence? nothing. No news. And since she reported something that was not news, it makes me wonder if she might be having ulterior motives. You never know. I am an only child but I have observed such a tremendous variation in how sibling relationships unfold around me that nothing would surprise me. Plus, don't the most compelling biblical stories talk about less than amicable sibling relationships?

sometimes in my head, ill think of stuff that's not there.and when i hear stuff, i think the worst. that's a bad habit in myself but im so used to it. but we talked over the weekend, he said the same thing. we even talked about marriage. which we did before. and my sister did just get out of a serious relationship. we were always close but we were also always best friends as well. ill have to keep a bigger eye out on that though. thank you guys for taking the time to respond

Sarah, just one more thought.

I was wrong saying that IF your bf finds another woman, there would be more exchanges with her on his FB. That may not be the case if he were to hide that relationship. What would happen, though, in this scenario, is the following: the number of women friends he is adding would GO DOWN. Since he has limited bandwidth, as we all do, if he starts spending more time on another relationship, he would not have as much time for his casual befriending of men and women en masse, so he would be adding FEWER women friends than is customary for him. In other words, the intelligence brought by your sister speaks in favor of concluding that your bf is telling you the truth. I hope this will alleviate some of the nagging concerns you cannot help having.

thank you for that. i actually talked to him about it over last weekend, he was pretty upset about it. said i don't trust him, which i do. i let him cool down and within like 15mins, he told me he loved me. i guess its just in my head...once again

All of this sounds very reassuring because his response, per your description, was spontaneous rather than rehearsed. All of what he is saying sounds pretty authentic. I hope this helps. Maybe take this post (above) and send it to yourself but not verbatim (just in case if he accidentally finds the email, I would not want him to place a verbatim quotation into a search box and discover your presence on this forum, because it is your private business). Rephrase it and send to yourself and archive it in our email. Or put in a file that he would not see. And, when you feel the doubts coming back, look at what you YOURSELF wrote. It would be more convincing than if a 3rd party tried to reassure you.

I would say be upfront and talk to him about it and tell him it bothers you. If it's making you uncomfortable, it isn't something he should be doing, especially behind your back.