Why would a so called friend hurt me like this?

First of all, I hope that you all had a nice Thanksgiving. Mine sucked since I missed it due to being extremely depressed and upset over what a so called friend did to me not to long ago. Her and I have known each other for about three years. She was always a nice, reliable, and easy going person. We never had any fights and we'd get along well with each other.

Well, the problem started when I asked her if she could take care of my two cats for less than a week. She has done this before twice when my husband and I took a vacation. This time it was just me who was going to visit my family while my husband was away on a trip. She said sure, she'll do it. We paid her well upfront to do so too. She lives in the same town, about five minutes away, and all she had to do was come over, feed them, and give them clean water everyday.

So after I left two v.m messages on her cell phone, she never called back. She responded to all my emails regarding this aside from my last one. Then she NEVER got back to me at all! I was upset of course! She promised to do this! If she couldn't, then she should've at least called or emailed me, but she didn't! How rude! So I had to shorten my trip and leave out food and water for them.

If that wasn't bad enough, my neighbor came over to tell me that some teeenagers broke into her garage as retaliation for complaining about them. They also stole some CD's from her car when she forgot to lock it. This was especially scary since my husband is still on his trip. He'll be back tomorrow. I did hear someone in the backyard very late at night when I was in the bathroom the night before.

I told my friend about this in my matter of fact but panicky voice. So it's possible that she got to scared to come over. Still, she should've said something! Also, over the last year, since she got a b.f who now lives with her, she has been a lot more distant. She hasn't bothered intiating plans with me for a long time, but she'd usually respond to my invites to the movies and dinner. I used to see her once a week, then once every month.

I could tolerate that and the endless lies about how her phone battery was dead or off almost every time I tried to call her. Sometimes she wouldn't even return my calls for days if at all! Anyways, she never got back to me. It's possible that something happened to her, but I doubt that.

To make a long story short now regarding Thanksgiving, I drove a long way to my family's place, but I missed Thanksgiving due to drinking a bit to much due to being super stressed out and anxious. My parents went to my sisters place and I blew making a good first impression with her b.f who I never met before. I feel so stupid and awful about this. My mom and my bff told me that she probably chose to take the cowards way out by not responding back to me. Why would she do this to me and not even call me back?

Needless to say, I'm done with her! I told her in my last v.m that there is no excuse for this unless she had some emergency and that I'm done with her. It does sound like she was doing the slow fade and giving me hints for awhile now and this was her very obvious way of saying, I no longer want to be your friend anymore.

I was always nice to her and we never had any fight, so this doesn't make any sense at all to me! She did say that she was going to be gone for a certain time period, but then she said that she could still watch the cats during a certain time. So I don't get this at all!

How could a so called friend betray me in this way? This is beyond rude and hurtful!

I've been crying about this for awhile now- I shouldn't have done this to my family- They didn't want me there drunk of course.

Sorry to hear your story. But you you kinda sum it all up in your message. That's just what people do. That's life. Some people are nasty, some people are nice and there are 50 shades of grey in between ( if you're lucky haha). Forget about her and move on.

I'm sorry that your friend has treated you the way she has. This seems to have been going on for a while with some subtle signs.

I must say, I don't believe it was fair of her at all to not communicate with you regarding the agreement she had made with your cats. I can't really speculate what her intentions were as she does not appear to have communicated this to you either. Either way, that's a real let down.

I'm sorry your thanksgiving turned out the way it did. You were in a very difficult place. But family do forgive us.

There is no sense to be made of this senseless situation your friend has put you in and you may never know the answer.

Unless she initiates reaching out to you first next ... Then I'm not sure where the rest of your friendship would be heading.

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That's true. Unless she happened to have gotten into an accident and is in the hospital or something like that, this is unforgivable. I'm done with her. I think that she was trying to do the slow fade on me for over a year now since she'd always ignore my calls.

Her phone was always "off" or the battery "died" ever since she met her current b.f. It's not as if I bugged her all the time, so wth? I did leave her one final v.m telling her how I felt and that I don't want to be friends with her anymore even if she does end up apologizing to me. I have more self respect than that. I don't want or need B.S people in my life.

However, she was always checking her messages, getting calls from her b.f and other people. I'd also always have to intitiate ALL get togethers after awhile. Perhaps this was her way of making things clear. It sure was a pretty messed up way to do that though. And this is coming from a woman in her early 50's, ugh!

I'll never rely on friends for favors again. Especially when it comes to my cats! There are way to many flaky people out there!

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I think that she was doing the slow fade on me hoping that I'd get the hint for over a year now. Still, that is extremely immature and rude to do to someone for no apparent reason at all. And this is coming from a 50 something old woman!

I don't get why she couldn't just call or email me to say that she couldn't watch my cats after all. I would've understood and made alternative plans. To hell with her. The trust is no longer there. Unless she got into an accident, there is no excuse for this at all.

I seriously hope that her bad karma will come back to get her sooner or later. I did tell her that in my final v.m message to her. I'm just so glad that my "kids" are OK- Thanksgiving wasn't a total loss. I shouldn't have let her get to me like she did.

My family did understand and forgive me btw-

Sometimes people just suck!

Yeah, her behavior makes no sense. Why can't she just say that she can't watch your cats in the first place? You would have had time to find someone else to do it. That's really rude of her.

Wow, when I was first reading this I figured that she was in her 20's or something and just self-centered. But by 50, come on now, that was not fair, not nice and definitely grounds for discarding her...she really is not a friend.
You MAY be stuck with your family, but you can damn well choose your friends!

It's called 'ghosting' - happens a lot on social media too. It is unfair because it demonstrates a lack of responsibility - and therefore care - for a once happy friendship.

But because you don't know what precisely what happened in the end - you have to gain closure in a more neutral way which is hard because its easy for feelings of anger about past behaviour to go unacknowledged.

You deserve better and will know what to be wary of next time. All the best to you.

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That's for sure! Animals are better than most people!

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I know! If she was afraid to call me, there's always email! WTH? I really do hope that one day someone will do the same thing that she did to me! If she didn't want to be friends anymore, I could deal with that, but to tell me this bold faced lie and get no closure at all is the worst way for a friendship to end! I should've noticed the red flags sooner after she started showing up late to get togethers and started ingoring all of of my calls. Some people are just so weird!

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Yeah, she definitely became more self centered after awhile! She'd talk about herself and her accomplishments way to much all the time. It was mostly all about her, her, her, ugh! She would hardly ask me much about myself usually! Even IF she called me or emailed me back to apologize, it's to little to late. The damage has been done.

Once someone betrays my trust, there is no going back. The way that she has been treating me for over a year speaks volumes about how she really feels about me! She showed me her true colors a long time ago by rudely showing up late to get togethers, making me intitiate all get togethers, and ignoring all of my phone calls and some of my emails.

I was only there to fill a void in her life until some guy came along, ugh! I think that she has always been jealous of me too since she has had a hard life and she has to work hard for a living while I don't have to.

I'm a housewife with no kids and a husband. I'm lucky enough to have money to buy nice things once in awhile, I weigh less than her, I'm at least 10 years younger than her, I look better, and I get to travel to awesome places once in awhile. Real friends should be happy for their friends, not jealous of them!

I'm not bragging, I'm just saying that's the way things are. I really am a modest person. Even though she now has a b.f who loves her, he can't support her financially and I think that she is bitter about that. It's her loss really. Eff her! My friends told me to forget about her and move on, so that's what I'm going to do.

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I'm not sure what "ghosting" is, but I'm going to look it up. Why do people do that? Why can't people just be honest and direct and not stoop to such nasty and immature behavior? I'm sure that I'll never get any closure. I think that she figured that she didn't need me in her life as much anymore once she got a b.f.

Also, she mentioned that she was going to move far away in five years and retire. I told her at the time that I'd miss her and all she said was aaawww (I was hurt that she made no mention of telling me that she'd miss me too).....that and all the other red flags that I mentioned should've made me realize that she wasn't really a real friend after all, but just someone to go to the movies and have a nice meal with once in awhile, ugh!

being ignored is the worst feeling ever

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That's so true! I did nothing at all to deserve this! She was pushing me away slowly for about a year now. Since she met her b.f, she changed. I always knew that she had issues getting close to other females, but to do this to me was just plain cruel and unforgivable!