[rolan86]

So I am completely heartbroken right now. The girl I have been crushing over for the past three years just turned me down tonight over text. I texted her asking to hang out and she just replied that she had a boyfriend so was not looking for anything romantic, but still wanted to hang out. I don't know how to process this. I really just don't. I don't want to be in a situation where I am still crushing over her, but while she has a boyfriend, and I don't think I am ready to just be friends yet. I also don't want to just reject hanging out because I don't want her to think I'm just some superficial jerk who just wanted to get in her pants. Which is not true. As for how I'm feeling, well. quite awful.

[Bill3]

I'm sorry.

If you aren't ready to be just friends, then don't be.

"No thanks, it would be to difficult for me to be just friends right now."

[Crazy Hitch]

Oh Rolan that is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for you. This is someone that you have really liked for some time now so this is somewhat of a bombshell. I believe you have all good intentions with this girl which are honorable and you most definitely do not come across at all as wanting "to get in her pants". I completely believe you.

The hard part is having to decide if you can hang out with her as just friends when you've cared deeply for her for a while.

I hope that you are able to make a decision that benefits you in the long run.

[hvert]

I'm sorry, that really sucks. Bill3 is right on that it is okay not to be friends right now. I know that I need to get over my crush before I can resume a friendship (and often find I don't want to as much, anyway). It's hard to lose or take a break from a friendship you've had for so long, but if it helps you get over her, it's the right thing to do.

[rolan86]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the support. This has not been easy for sure. This was the only girl I had ever met in my life that I was sure about wanting to start a relationship with. And on top of all of that, I ran into her at a party last night randomly. I was working the bar and she came up and so I poured her a beer. She was very nice and we casually said it was good to see one another but that was it. It was weird since she probably could guess I was bummed about her not being available, but I just hid that and smiled back. Just seeing her face and her shy cute demeanor, well, it definitely did not help with the healing process. Only made it worse. As tempting as it is to keep thinking about her and wanting to keep running into her, it is not healthy for me. While I enjoyed seeing her last night, even if briefly, it only served to mess with my head and further upset me in the end. I spent the rest of the night drinking not out of fun and good times but just as a way to cope. I don't know if I would call it punishing myself, but I sure didn't care how awful I would feel in the morning. I am mainly just troubled because I feel I have nothing else to look forward to in life right now. I'm graduating with a useless political science degree, and to add to that, I don't even like politics at all. I have no job prospects. I was rejected from every internship I applied for. I turned in an unimpressive grad school application, and overall don't know what I'm doing with my life. She was like the one light that might have made things better. Maybe this is just my angst and sadness talking, but I really do hope I can move on at some point.

[Maria116]

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. Please try not to get too caught up in depressed drinking, it becomes an annoying habit that requires lots of money. I'm trying to battle it now.

The girl should know better than to offer being friends to someone who has serious feelings for her. If she has any class or sensitivity, she should give you space to heal.

[BobbyDavis]

Can I ask why you never asked this girl out before? Three years is a long time to know somebody and have a crush on them and not even try to ask them out and you honestly can’t blame her for moving on to another guy. I would say she didn’t even know you had feelings for her and I hate to say it but I think you have missed your window of opportunity mate.

[PennyD]

Honestly, it doesnt sound like you are ready to "just hang out" with her, and you would probably be very upset at the time. I think she should understand and respect that, and not even mention hanging out with you- maybe she just wants the attention knowing you have feelings for her? Regardless, just take your own feelings into consideration and just be careful- you don't want to dive in too deep especially if you're trying to get over the rejection and her.

[rolan86]

Originally Posted by BobbyDavis

Can I ask why you never asked this girl out before? Three years is a long time to know somebody and have a crush on them and not even try to ask them out and you honestly can’t blame her for moving on to another guy. I would say she didn’t even know you had feelings for her and I hate to say it but I think you have missed your window of opportunity mate.

I should have mentioned this, but I only met her for the first time this semester. The past years I had only admired her from afar, and was desperate for an opportunity to talk to her, but she was always with friends or I would get to nervous about approaching a total stranger. This summer I took the plunge and messed her on facebook and she responded well. It was only this semester I actually met her for the first time in person. However I only ran into her in person maybe 3 times. I wanted to wait until she got to know me better before asking for her number, but it seems that right there was my fault.

[rolan86]

Originally Posted by PennyD

Honestly, it doesnt sound like you are ready to "just hang out" with her, and you would probably be very upset at the time. I think she should understand and respect that, and not even mention hanging out with you- maybe she just wants the attention knowing you have feelings for her? Regardless, just take your own feelings into consideration and just be careful- you don't want to dive in too deep especially if you're trying to get over the rejection and her.

I really don't even know, but I agree that being friends would not be healthy for me. To make things even worse, as I was doing work in the library she pokes me on the back from behind just to say hi. Of course I melted on the inside and stuttered like an idiot out of nervousness. Even though it was really nice to see her and it made me happy, I almost wish it would not have happened. It only makes getting over her that much harder.