Misreading signals?

Does anyone else have difficulties figuring out if someone is interested in them or not?

I just realized I badly misinterpreted someone's signals tonight (nothing happened, i figured it out before I did something stupid or there were bad consequences), and i'm feeling kinda like an idiot.

Anyone else completely clueless out there?

Yes. Happened to me recently. I made the move and got shot down and figured out I was totally misreading things. Felt rejected and like an idiot.

I think some people send the wrong signals unconsciously on purpose. They want the attention and the flirting but not anything more than that and we can misread it.

Nothing wrong with honest communication I guess if we can do it in the right way and clear things up without losing a friend.

Yes, my middle name is "clueless paws"

Apparently I'm a crappy reader as well as sender.


I'm completely oblivious to the fact that a guy is into me until he spells it out. I always just think people are just being friendly.


In turn, I'm always friendly, and guys tend to think this means I'm sending out flirtatious signals...


I can't count how many times this has resulted in extremely awkward convos.


Luckily no friendships ruined, save for one, but that's a bit more complicated than misread signals.


And no, I don't send flirty signals subconsciously on purpose (never even knew that's possible to pull off)...

I'm just warm and friendly, its just how I am.

I see nothing wrong with this. I use to be more like you still somewhat but I had live with a manipulative depressed roommate(a guy and no we were not dating) he told me that I was "always" misleading guys, that I was "always" fooling them. Of course I started backing away from him more and more. There was absolutely no more friendship involved.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly, it shows that you are happy and carefree.

oh my god, THANK YOU, everyone!!!

This makes me feel so much better.
I also cannot read signals at all.

What happened this time was most definitely someone sending out those signals to me on purpose with no intention of actually following through. I didn't figure this out until after my class session was over and a bunch of my classmates and I went out on the town... and I got to see him interact with every other young woman in the group.

The things he did with me -- the small ways in which he seemed to take interest and pay special attention -- were the same things he did with all of them. So, it most definitely was a "cast a wide net" approach for him.

But it sucked, because I didn't get that I was part of the wide net until almost two months later. So, i feel like an idiot because I wasn't able to discern that I wasn't special to him.

I do not think that you are clueless, or, an idiot.

You are making the conclusion you are making after collecting data - observing the subject's interactions with other young women. Before you collected the data, your made a wrong judgment due to insufficient data. When more data came flowing in, you adjusted your conclusion based on that. So far you sound very reasonable and certainly not an idiot.

I think you are not fully in touch with the root cause of your feeling so embarrassed now.

It seems that one thing is definitely at play and, additionally, another thing might be at play.

Let us say that when the subject sent the signals he sent, you estimated that his opinion of you and his interest in you was at 6 out of 10. Then, when you noticed the wide net casting method of his, you realized that you were wrong. You then estimated his interest in you at 2 out of 10. So it as if you had been downgraded. People do not like being downgraded and your reaction is perfectly human.

That additional thing seems to be that you let the subject know that you estimated his interest in you at 6 out of 10, and now that you realize this is not true, you feel as if he were laughing at your wishful thinking. And that gives you a very uncomfortable feeling (and would give that feeling to most people in your shoes) which you vaguely describe as feeling like an idiot. You do not feel like an idiot because of the failure to discern that you weren't special to him; you feel exposed and vulnerable as if the subject caught you with false hopes.

At least that is what it seems to be from just reading what you have written. I assure you that the vast majority of people at some point or another would be in your shoes and would feel equally queasy.