[tallulahxoxo]

Well? (: Do you believe in monogamy?

1. I have never cheated on someone
2. I've never cheated with someone (Not that I know of.)
-However, my first girlfriend kissed another girl and wrote romantic letters to another girl behind my back-
-My second girlfriend (towards the end) would delete all her texts, get blackout drunk, and I once saw a text pop up that said "I'll lion mount you" (Wtf?) (She'd get furious if I went near her phone, toward the end)
-And the last guy I dated, when I asked him if I was the only girl, said No. (At least he was honest)
-And I've seen a lot of old people at parties kiss and touch each other's wives as if it's nothing?
-I have had men with girlfriends/wives try to get with me. (They were rejected.)

I suppose this all bothers me because when I was little I'd watch fairy tales featuring monogamy (Yay Disney princesses!) and I wanted and still want that so bad! But I am continually slapped in the face by reality..

Not to mention I have seen a lot* of cheating and met a lot of polygamists lately

So what do you think? You think monogamy is real? Or an illusion?
(I mean monogamy as in ONE romantic/sexual partner, ONE person you kiss)

I think it's right for some people, like the married ones. There are just so many variables, circumstances, needs.... That's why I'm single. If I date, the door is always open for others. Those people married, like forever, are very very rare.

[~Christina]

I have my husband , we both came from a first marriage that we had both been cheated on. So I am very much a one man kinda woman and my husband is a one woman kinda guy.

Maybe now a days I am considered old fashioned . lol

I do think its very much real for a large majority of people.

[rwither1]

Well, of course it's real. It's not a unicorn. It exists. But humans are biologically wired to procreate, some more than others, and it's sort of against our nature to be with just one person. This may be more true for men than women, but sure it exists. But FOR HOW LONG is probably the real question!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by SqrqhJean

Well? (: Do you believe in monogamy?

1. I have never cheated on someone
2. I've never cheated with someone (Not that I know of.)
-However, my first girlfriend kissed another girl and wrote romantic letters to another girl behind my back-
-My second girlfriend (towards the end) would delete all her texts, get blackout drunk, and I once saw a text pop up that said "I'll lion mount you" (Wtf?) (She'd get furious if I went near her phone, toward the end)
-And the last guy I dated, when I asked him if I was the only girl, said No. (At least he was honest)
-And I've seen a lot of old people at parties kiss and touch each other's wives as if it's nothing?
-I have had men with girlfriends/wives try to get with me. (They were rejected.)

I suppose this all bothers me because when I was little I'd watch fairy tales featuring monogamy (Yay Disney princesses!) and I wanted and still want that so bad! But I am continually slapped in the face by reality..

Not to mention I have seen a lot* of cheating and met a lot of polygamists lately

So what do you think? You think monogamy is real? Or an illusion?
(I mean monogamy as in ONE romantic/sexual partner, ONE person you kiss)

I do not think that Disney princesses are a relevant anchor to which you would sort of attach your beliefs and preferences. Disney princesses are about lifetime monogamy and life without any problems after the wedding day. The plot in Disney stories all happens BEFORE the wedding day. Maybe one exception is what happens to be my favorite movie - the 101 Dalmatians - but then again, this movie does not have a human princess, which might just be why it is a favorite with so many folks including me.

So Disney princesses never had any taste of life after the wedding day. The wedding day is the culmination of the story and nothing else matters.

So it is basically almost exactly the inverse of real life.

In your own story, you mention several past connections saying that you did not cheat on them. Fair enough, so you had temporal monogamy - at one point in time, you were with one person, kissing him or her and all the rest of that. But then you moved onto the next person.

Would a Disney princess move from one man to another? No way - it would be in complete violation of the plot for each movie about a princess. Would a Disney princess have a romantic girlfriend? likewise, no way in hell she would.

Disney's princesses were supposed to live happily ever after.

Ever after means LIFETIME monogamy.

It does not mean anything else.

So what would you say - do you believe in Disney's version of monogamy or do you not, if you were to make this assessment from your current vantage point and not from the vantage point of a little girl in front of the TV or movie theater screen?

[tallulahxoxo]

The variance in answers is very interesting thus far. .

[Raindropvampire]

My husband and I just had a discussion about monogamy yesterday and how some animals mate for life. You should google oxytocin and see some of the studies that are being done right now with it. Oxytocin is sometimes jokingly referred to as the love hormone and they think it holds the key to monogamy.

I do believe monogamy is possible. I also believe that it takes a lot of hard work focusing on your partner's needs and staying connected to them and the relationship. Too many people are too lazy to do the work. It's easier to say "I don't know what happened? or I couldn't help myself. or I was drunk." than to walk away from temptation.

[tallulahxoxo]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I do not think that Disney princesses are a relevant anchor to which you would sort of attach your beliefs and preferences. Disney princesses are about lifetime monogamy and life without any problems after the wedding day. The plot in Disney stories all happens BEFORE the wedding day. Maybe one exception is what happens to be my favorite movie - the 101 Dalmatians - but then again, this movie does not have a human princess, which might just be why it is a favorite with so many folks including me.

So Disney princesses never had any taste of life after the wedding day. The wedding day is the culmination of the story and nothing else matters.

So it is basically almost exactly the inverse of real life.

In your own story, you mention several past connections saying that you did not cheat on them. Fair enough, so you had temporal monogamy - at one point in time, you were with one person, kissing him or her and all the rest of that. But then you moved onto the next person.

Would a Disney princess move from one man to another? No way - it would be in complete violation of the plot for each movie about a princess. Would a Disney princess have a romantic girlfriend? likewise, no way in hell she would.

Disney's princesses were supposed to live happily ever after.

Ever after means LIFETIME monogamy.

It does not mean anything else.

So what would you say - do you believe in Disney's version of monogamy or do you not, if you were to make this assessment from your current vantage point and not from the vantage point of a little girl in front of the TV or movie theater screen?

Hmm, I guess my answer to your question would be no. Though I wish it were so. But I guess that's part of growing up. Realizing life is not a fantasy.
And I see your point that I engaged in temporary monogamy.. Hmm.. It really makes me think. . The moving on really wasn't ever completely my choice, I had to, it's just something a sane person does after being broken up with..
I guess I was just wondering if there are any like minded individuals out there who don't cheat on their current partner. (I'd like that assurance.)
My step-grandparents got married when they were 18 and have been together for like 60 years now. I think that's awesome. Not sure if they've cheated on one another at all or if it would be relevant now. So there's that. (:

[Bill3]

I once saw a text pop up that said "I'll lion mount you" (Wtf?)

Mounting lion: The male version of a cougar. An older man who only targets younger women for sex. (Urban Dictionary)

[Mikeyboy]

I won't assume what works for me should work for everyone or judge anyone, but I have a very hard time with connecting to people, having relationships, et cetera, so I am definitely a one woman kind of guy. One is all I could ever want or handle. Before I met my wife, I really wanted no part of relationships and didn't think I'd ever be in a serious one, getting married seemed virtually impossible.

That said, I understand other people can want and can handle more, and so long as everyone is a consenting adult, I see no reason I should let others personal lives bother me.

illusion

It's like eating your favorite food every day , u know it gets boring and you need to eat something else or you get sick of the same thing .

[Gomphus]

Yes I believe in monogamy. Even after being cheated on. Monogamy is a thing. I'm an ecologist and the whole 'animals aren't monogamous' argument is weak. Humans can choose. Sure, it's hard but we can do amazing things if we want to. Relationships are hard.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by SqrqhJean

So what do you think? You think monogamy is real? Or an illusion?
(I mean monogamy as in ONE romantic/sexual partner, ONE person you kiss)

Illusion? no. it is a choice between partners and without even going into what my stance is on it, yes it is possible to have that with another person. It is not unreasonable to want that at all but you have to find a like minded and commited partner to have that.

The part that bothers me more is not that people feel the need to have multiple partners. I know there are plenty of people that want that but the problem that exists is not in open relationships where people agree to this but where monogamy is assumed and expected and one partner chooses to have other partners in spite of being in what is assumed to be a monogamous relationship.

If two people want to have multiple partners, both know about it and accept it, I don't have a reason to judge them.

I believe that part of the reason people do cheat isn't always so much that they need multiple partners but for so many reasons other than that. One thing, typical in a chronic cheater is taht I think they get a high off of doing something in the dark, that is, leading a double life.

Monogamy is real, it is possible and it is not an illusion. Dont' give up on taht for a few untrustworthy partners.

[Webgoji]

It's completely real. My wife and I have been monogamous for 14 years and have no intentions of being otherwise. No making out with other people or any of that.

But as has been said before, what works for some doesn't work for others so you'll see a gambit of things. From monogamy to open marriages to polygamy. As long as nobody is getting hurt (usually emotionally), then to each his/her own.

Monogamy is just another designed construct. Human's are polygamous, but sex is supposed to be then just pleasure.

[BobbyDavis]

Of course monogamy is real.

That is basically like asking if rain is real. It exists whether you choose to believe it or not and you will change your mind when you feel it pouring down and you get wet. My sister, cousins and most of my friends have been happily married and in relationships with their husbands and Wives for around 15-20 years and my Wife’s Auntie and Uncle celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary last year and the two of them have been friends since they were 8 and have never been with other people. My Nanna and Pop were the same and after she passed away twenty four years ago my Pop never remarried or dated another woman because my Nanna was only woman he loved. I got engaged to my best friend (Jackie) when we were young and I only wanted to spend the rest of my life with her because I loved her but she passed away when she was 17 and I tried committing suicide a few times to be with her because I didn’t see the point of living without her but my sister stopped me.

I think your question should be ‘Do you think people capable of being faithful to one person?’ and to answer that question I would definitely say yes and I would never cheat on my Wife because she and our daughters mean everything to me and I love her more with every year. I kiss, cuddle and touch some of my female friends when I see them and say goodbye to them and it is just a way of being friendly to them and my Wife is perfectly okay with that and when you see the people you mentioned are you sure you aren’t confusing that for more?

[Werewoman]

I can't imagine wanting to be anything but monogamous. When two people are committed to each other, the emotional bond makes the physical bond that much more exciting. My husband and I don't get bored with each other because we like trying new things. Even when we are not trying new things, we both know exactly what the other person likes. Old love can be just as exciting as new love if you are willing to work at it.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by SqrqhJean

Hmm, I guess my answer to your question would be no. Though I wish it were so. But I guess that's part of growing up. Realizing life is not a fantasy.
And I see your point that I engaged in temporary monogamy.. Hmm.. It really makes me think. . The moving on really wasn't ever completely my choice, I had to, it's just something a sane person does after being broken up with..
I guess I was just wondering if there are any like minded individuals out there who don't cheat on their current partner. (I'd like that assurance.)
My step-grandparents got married when they were 18 and have been together for like 60 years now. I think that's awesome. Not sure if they've cheated on one another at all or if it would be relevant now. So there's that. (:

Both sides - my late paternal grandparents and my late maternal grandparents - were married for 50-60 years. They lived happily. Was there anything involved some 40 years ago? Like you, I do not believe that it would be relevant now. What was relevant was that they loved each other until death. My paternal grandma survived her husband by only 2 weeks - just faded away. So I have my own fairy tale story of till death do us part in the family. I think it is beautiful, but, I do not think it has to be a goal for everybody. Not just because it would not be realistic but also because to me monogamy is beautiful when it is virtually effortless - people genuinely happy with each other. When I read about couples going through years of counseling (I have a friend who has done years of counseling with his wife, in RL), I cannot help thinking - if being together needs so much professional support, it is just not worth it. Being together should not feel so straining to people.

I have also thought more about the fairy tales and this is what I have come up with to my own surprise:

- Disney made the fairy tales sappy, so it appears that Disney princesses never tasted real life

- the real fairy tales are not sappy

- the real fairy tales are about people who overcome obstacles and hardships, suffer from injustices, do good deeds, help those in need, appreciate genuine beauty rather than fanciful glitter, look past superficial hideousness and straight into the soul, are brave, honest, and authentic

- and at the end the sacrifices of the protagonists are rewarded and the "happily ever after" is the symbolic representation of the reward - to Cinderella, for her quiet sacrifices, eternal patience, love for her dad, and a big heart (and not just tiny feet), the Prince who realized that modest and fresh-looking Cinderella and not a myriad of conceited society dames was the true gem; in other fairy tales, the reward is for something else, but it is never just something that is given to anybody by virtue of their having reached the age of marriageability.

- so the fairy tales are not about lifetime monogamy for everyone - they are about a rare gift of love till death do us part that needs to be deserved - say, if a protagonist male in a Greek myth were to shirk his duties and not slay a vicious sea monster, well, he would not have married Andromeda

***

Disney removed the content, leaving the shell intact, and the shell is glittery. Also, remember that the real little mermaid died and God made her into sea foam (I might be rusty on the details but she did not get to marry her prince - he married another woman). There was a poignant Japanese cartoon made in the 70s that was true to the story. It is a beautiful as it is profoundly sad. But Disney made the story into one with a happy end. I would say on this particular tale, Disney raped Hans Christian Andersen's soul.