[BobbyDavis]

Firstly, I just want to say that my Wife has never hit me except in a playful non-violent way but I was watching a documentary a few days ago on Foxtel about men and women with abusive partners and I was just wondering (regardless of your gender) if your partner was abusive and hit you what would you do? Would you hit them back, try to block their attacks, leave or let them continue? I hit my Dad once and knocked him out but that was after years of him physically abusing me, my sister and Mum and while I am not a violent I don’t regret doing that but I could never hit my Wife.

What would you do?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I would report a serious assault to the police, but I doubt I would press charges. However it will never happen as my wife is uncompromisingly normal!

She has made it quite clear that she will not tolerate any abuse in any shape or form. We know where we stand therefore.

[gayleggg]

I would tell him to leave. I did it with my ex-husband and I would do it again.

[tufan]

Be sure to visit him in the hospital with divorce papers after I get through at the police station?

[lizardlady]

Today I hope I would toss an abusive partner's arse out of the house.

When my abusive husband was still alive I believed I deserved it when he hit me. I believed that if I hadn't done something to anger him, if I had "behaved" myself, if I had done something differently I wouldn't have needed to be hit.

[Rose76]

I would leave him. It's not something I've ever had to deal with. For some reason, violent men are not attracted to me. Maybe because I am kind of an angry person myself.

I would just distance myself from him until we're not together anymore.

And then I'd never date again. If the man I'm with betrays my trust in such a manner I would not be able to fathom that someone else wouldn't.

[Perna]

I cannot imagine my husband being violent and have only been hit/abused in that way by my stepmother which messed with my self esteem a lot but my therapist and husband helped that. I cannot imagine being attracted to a man like that in the first place; not that they would show they were violent at first/when dating but I knew my husband 5+ years before we married and knew how he treated other women and saw how he treated me, knew his family and friends, etc. I am always curious when I see on television women who don't really "know" their boyfriends/husbands and the person does not have a family or is somewhere else the person never sees, knows anyone from, etc. I would be suspicious.

[Pikku Myy]

I did leave a very abusive relationship. There is no way I could fight back someone who is much bigger and stronger than me.

[allme]

I was 14 when my older sick boyfriend started beating me...I stayed with him for 4 years until I met my husband who helped me get away from the sicko. Now if it happened, first of all I would fight back...there is no way I am letting someone hit me without fighting back...I didn't fight back with abusive boyfriend, and although it may have been dangerous to fight back, I still this day could not let someone hit me without fighting back. I have been with my hubby for 15 years and he has and never would hit me but if he did start for some bizarre reason I would 100% without a doubt leave him. I could accept a one off heat off the moment but nothing else.

[hannabee]

Well this thread was a bit of a trigger for me, but that's okay. My first husband hit me ONCE and only once. He had me blocked in a stairway, but I started screaming and pushed past him to where people were (in the business we owned). He left immediately and the best thing that could of happened did happen, I swear my eye turned black in a matter of seconds! It made the whole thing VERY real and VERY public.

I told him I wanted a divorce when he called later. He got some stuff and left town the next day. He tried to reconcile a month or so later but I was done!

He left me in a financial crisis. Just so glad to be rid of him though.

[healingme4me]

Fighting back can get a double assault charge. I've learned it's better to bring attention to the matter, witnesses, people that can help maintain safety, but not always possible. Better to get cop involvement asap, then it's a more frivolous legal battle. Can ask them to leave, change locks..

What haven't I done to try getting far away from my ex? Kids are involved what can I say?

I could go on a soapbox about the complexity of the topic. :fluff lip service:

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[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I could go on a soapbox about the complexity of the topic. :fluff lip service:

Oh healingme4me, thank you. It's so easy for folks who've never been in the situation to say they would hit back and/or leave. It's so much more complicated than that.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Oh healingme4me, thank you. It's so easy for folks who've never been in the situation to say they would hit back and/or leave. It's so much more complicated than that.

it's a very complicated matter. Beyond whether one has self esteem or not. And contrary to beliefs out there, it's more than whether they apologize and act sweet, usually they don't. There's financial, legal, spiritual, social, housing, kids, pets, etc as aspects.
Most shelters are book, women can lose custody if not abiding by visitation, or moving too far away. Most family of origins and friends of a battered woman, are reluctant to open doors. Churches don't really help, public housing has years of delay, child care vouchers take months to kick in(how does one pay that and rent, once out), the batterer can lose employment, where's the victims spousal/child support then? List goes on, wish I didn't know it this way, really wish i didn't know...

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Originally Posted by lizardlady

Oh healingme4me, thank you. It's so easy for folks who've never been in the situation to say they would hit back and/or leave. It's so much more complicated than that.

You guys are right. I doubt I'd actually leave. And I know I'd never hit back.

[~Christina]

I would file charges , restraining order and one of us would be packing to leave as soon as I got back with the police office after the paperwork was filed..

Been through it once, lesson learned.

[hvert]

I think it's really hard to guess what we would do in a situation like that before it happens. There's a lot of nuance.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I would file charges , restraining order and one of us would be packing to leave as soon as I got back with the police office after the paperwork was filed..

Been through it once, lesson learned.

Same here - I know how important it is to file assault charges so there is a record of the abuse. I finally had to fight back to stay alive and the arrest records and witnesses helped the police investigation and the prosecuting attorney chose not to file charges against me for killing him.

[allme]

Further to my first post on this:

Well I have had experience with domestic violence and yes I would fight back now as I didn't have the chance as a 14 yr old girl. And yes it is easy for me to say I would fight back and leave hubby if he did it to me.

[Rose76]

If a guy ever really hit me, I'ld probably want to get back at him. He wouldn't want to fall asleep around me.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Rose76

If a guy ever really hit me, I'ld probably want to get back at him. He wouldn't want to fall asleep around me.

What does "if a guy ever really hit me , mean ? just curious

I would like to say I'd walk away but then I didn't think I'd take emotional abuse from a partner either...

I'm inclined to say I would probably hit back. I'm not known for being the meekest in that respect. I was certainly willing to take on my father despite the size gap, have to admit I never won those though...

[healingme4me]

The first time, i packed up the kids and went to my mom's. Second time, a restraining order, which he brought in a pitbull of an attorney. Not enough proof, albeit pictures at P.D. Third time, restraining order, pictures, again an attorney, but mine didn't put me on the stand, she was my divorce attorney, we were in the middle of the divorce. Fourth time, screamed bloody murder, which brought out witnesses. He's on probation now. Court won't allow me, to move out of state, right now.

If there is a fifth time, screaming, hollering, preventing mortal injuries, he lands in prison, plain and simple.

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[Raindropvampire]

In the past I've had three boyfriends that hit me. Two of them got their noses broke. The third I realized I couldn't take in a fight. I let him go to sleep them cracked him in the head with a bat. Told him if he ever hit me again he had to sleep sometime and I'd be there. Then I drove him to the hospital to get his concussion and scalp lac taken care of. I never pressed charges and neither did they. Guess I'm more of an eye for an eye person.

So I can say from experience I hit back. I would never hit someone first but once you hit me then I will finish it.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

In the past I've had three boyfriends that hit me. Two of them got their noses broke. The third I realized I couldn't take in a fight. I let him go to sleep them cracked him in the head with a bat. Told him if he ever hit me again he had to sleep sometime and I'd be there. Then I drove him to the hospital to get his concussion and scalp lac taken care of. I never pressed charges and neither did they. Guess I'm more of an eye for an eye person.

So I can say from experience I hit back. I would never hit someone first but once you hit me then I will finish it.

So did you break it off with all of them after the physical violence happened ?