What would you do if your partner hit you?

The first two yes. The third one broke up with me on the way to the hospital because he said, and I quote "You're too violent." That still makes me laugh to this day. He was 6'6" and weighed 392. He hit me over a stupid argument because apparently he couldn't use his big boy words but I'm the one that's too violent?

Well, the first time he attempted violence (not hitting, but choking) I stabbed him in the leg, and told him not to ***** with me.


Yes, I thought that was the end of that.


Some years later (approximately 3) with no incidents of violence or any threat of violence after the choke / stab debacle...


He beat me to a pulp because I didn't need or want his money.


I disappeared, slinked away quietly into the night. Daughter and all.


No cops, no charges, no custody or child support complications.


After a few months, I did attempt to schedule visitation, but he was never interested in being a fulltime father anyway.


Jordan at age 5, asked me to stop the visits as she had no interest in having a relationship with him.


So a few months after our break up, his presence just ended in our lives.


My current bf? He's hugerer than my ex, but he maintains he'd never risk his life to rough me up, also apparently the fool actually loves me.


He knows my history, he knows me since before my ex, so if he had to turn around and become abusive?

I would probably go all revenge on his azz.


Wouldn't take him in a fight, im not stupid, but the guy has to sleep at some point.


Also, cars have faulty breaks.

I dated a guy once who started saying he was leaving the room before he lost his temper and hit me. He never did. We didn't last too long. My current s/o shoved me once and I fell. I've been in relationships with a lot of turmoil. I've seen men look like they wanted to hit me.

It is just as bad when hit with verbal abuse and lies and being told it is your fault.

Yet, society tends to accept men who cheat and lie and the women they are married to tend to "self blame" which only teaches other women to do the same.

Camelot was no "Camelot" for Jackie. Hilary blamed herself, "I was not emotionally available enough". There are more of these kind of scenarios and yet these individuals are often "adored" by society, so it's ok right?

Society can send messages to women to make excuses or put up with things that "hurt" them. It is important to send a message that no matter "who" is doing wrong or causing "hurt" and being deceptive in some way, it will be "frowned" upon by society instead of, "oh, its ok he did a good job" so it can be overlooked.

Early on when my daughter was little I had a family meeting with both my husband and her even though she was only about three at the time. I made is our family rule that "NO" hitting is allowed, we would not be a family that hit at all because it is wrong.

If my husband had hit me I would have left him, "period".

It is against the law for a man to hit his wife. It is not against the law for a man to have an extra marital affair. Somethings we can expect the Law to protect us against. Somethings we have to handle on our own. That's life.

Only one time , my husband put his hands on me with anger and slammed me agents the wall , don't remember what the fight was it was many years ago but I do remember telling him ..

I have put up with abuse my whole life I will be damn if I put up with it with you I will cut you up !

He never put his hands of anger on me again

He knows my history and knows I ain't playing

I would hit them back & have done so too.

When he was alive we lived where I did business. I had a barnfull of horses plus house pets to worry about. The one time I left over night I was scared silly what he might do while I was gone. How was I supposed to support myself if I wasn't there to run my business? My critters are my children. It would have been more than I could handle if he did something to one of them. His parents knew what was happening, but could not emotionally accept it.

A question for those of you who did not hit back or leave - when I read comments from those who did hit back, called the police, threw his butt out I feel like I wasn't strong enough. I'm not saying that anyone here has said that about me. I'm saying that's my perception. I feel like, once again I was a failure.

^^^Were you able to maintain your business? It takes strength to find ways, to co exist, without it being a total walk on glass. Your livelihood down the drain? That would seem foolish. You're here, you have a tale to tell.
Each played out different. If I ever laid a hand on my ex, without a doubt, he'd have been all over that like a hot potato. He had a bruise on his leg, last summer, that days before the domestic assault and battery, he was using to block my taking a vacation. It was days of verbal tirades, and we weren't even married anymore.

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I'm glad you recognize that the feeling of being a failure is just a feeling and not the truth.

None of this is cut and dry. Maybe your animals were more important to you than your safety sometimes. It's a choice you have every right to make based on the information you have at the time.

A male friend of mine stayed with an abusive partner because he worried about their child. They did split up, finally. The woman got full custody even though she had a record of child abuse. He has no money for lawyers, no money for child support. Maybe it would have been better for him to have stayed.

I WAS abused. By two different husbands. I had guns and knives pulled on me. You damn right I fought back! I had to to survive and protect my children until I could find a way to safely get out. They would get sent to jail and be released hours later and find me, so I HAD to learn to protect myself. The law in my county Sure as hell wasn't doing it! Orders of protection meant nothing to my ex.

((Liz)),

When you were growing up you were not only hit/spanked but you were also verbally abused by your mother. You were sent a message of being unworthy and undeserving, something that a child experiencing may accept as an adult as well unknowingly.

You were in a situation where you had responsibilities of taking care of animals you worked with and loved like your own children too (I felt the same about my horses/animals too). I am sure you thought a great deal about it and decided to brave the abuse in order to have your animals safe and have your business. That is not a "weak" decision, nor does it mean you are in any way a failure either. Also, I have noticed that you have a very strong "nurturing" instinct as well so you were loyal to your horses and animals and willing to work around the abuse, also you had to do that growing up as well, something you had to learn to do and even accept as "your normal" and to be expected.

If a horse is trained to ride western and someone slaps a dressage saddle on it and just expects it to know how to do dressage, is the horse a failure if it doesn't understand "how"? You know that a horse will carry itself very differently in western verses dressage too. And a horse has to be slowly worked and develop a lot of muscle and be very light on the front end to do dressage verses being more heavy on the front and low in western style riding. Well, human beings are the same way really, we depend on our parents to teach us so much and we begin to learn "how to be" from them as our "trainers".

When looking back on a situation as you are discribing, it's very important to consider "what you knew" at the time, before thinking about being some kind of failure. A horse can be trained very poorly, end up leaning and unbalanced because of a rider that rode it consistently unbalanced. That doesn't mean the "horse" is a failure or that someone can't finally work with it and teach it to be more balanced, but it does take time. I am using this as an example because when looking back on your own experience, it is just so important to be "forgiving of self" in whatever you simply did not know how to do any differently, and consider the bravery in what you did do too.

I haven't contributed to this thread, but the above post by Open Eyes, really got me thinking. I felt worthless for, well, always. still deep down too. I know it was instilled in me from a very young age. I grew up kind of sensitive and emotional. I didn't know anything except it hurt to be alive.
We all have different experiences, but abuse is abuse and neglect is neglect. I've forgiven them. I just don't know, why in all my years, I still am hurting myself. I know I'm not a victim. I keep doing stupid things that end up making me feel like a fool.

I stayed with someone that called me the worst names there is, but my parents did the same to me. And between themselves. For me, the verbal was worse than getting hit. Mental torture. I already hated myself, I surely hated myself when no one could see the good in me. Slowly, I'm realizing, I am just me, I can't do anything but accept myself, the good and the bad. I know I may have hurt some people in my life, and the guilt ate me up. It still can.
Don't we all interfere somehow.. there is no perfect way. It must be that we are being taught something.
Maybe about ourselves, more than the person that hurt us. hugs to all

disparaissant, rent yourself (or stream to your device) the movie Moonstruck. Really drink in the monologue spoken by Nicolas Cage, where he declares that we humans are not in this world to be perfect. Stars and snowflakes are perfect, but we humans are here to screw up and get our hearts broke. And that's normal living. It's one of the most liberating speeches I've ever heard. And it's true, so true. It is our silly pride that makes us think that we are here to try and figure out how to be correct. That's not what we are here for.

Society encourages both sexes to cheat. Don't make it look like women are the victims all the time. Actually whenever a man cheats he's branded a pig who can't keep it in his pants, when a woman cheats it's his fault for not showing her affection or not being a good enough lover.

Thanks for all the replies. I have some more thoughts I would like to share but I think it will be best to hold them off for another day. I am sorry if I have set off any triggers for people on this thread and I hope you are all at better places in your lives now.