[seawhale]

Coworker with the same age, higher salary and grade, older in the company, different position, some common work, same office.

Although, he is so jealous of me, not only jealous he also hates me because of the following reasons:

1. He believes that I am more qualified than him, people usually say I am a very good employee, but he reacted to this and started lately to work hard and earn some certificates, so he should not feel that towards me anymore, but he still feels.
2. Every time he sees me in a good relation with a certain person in our company, he starts to establish a relation with him or her, adding them to his Facebook...etc.
3. He sees that I am from a family with a higher social level than his family.
4. May be there are somethings else that I don't know or just don't remember it now.

He is a fake tricky person, his soul is full of evil and hatred, he just feels insecure and lacks to confidence, I believe also that he suffers from inferiority complex. He pretends in front of most people that he is good.

He always wants to interfere in my job, he always wants to see what I am doing, every time he takes a look on my laptop to see what email I am sending or what kind of work I am busy with.

I suspected him that he was stealing some data from my laptop, I went out of the office and returned back, the hardware of the door sometimes hang and does not open the door, then he opened the door I found him tension, the screen saver on my laptop was not working although I was out of office for more than 10 minutes, also I have found that some files were accesses about 3 minutes before I came back to the office.

He always want to pretend and convince me that I am his intimated friend and that he trusts me so much and always invite me for an outing, but I did never feel comfortable with him.

For me, I have never let him feel such feelings, I am treating him in a very nice way, always assisting him in everything, and I did many things for him that he should be grateful for, but I know that he is not a loyal person, he wants just to utilize me, I have never said I am good or I am nice or people admire me or any kind of talking that may arouse his jealousy.

I tried a lot to enhance our relation, we had one big fight before, and he unfriended me several times from Facebook before.

A couple of days ago I was telling a friend coworker that he knows him before me even, he told that this person is not nice one, he is tricky....etc

I really can't even afford remembering him, i am trying to look for another job, this person became a nightmare in my life.

There are a lot of details, but I really don't want to make my message any longer.

[Soul Quake]

Let his superior(s) know what's going on.

[LindaLu]

You have a coworker with a serious personality disorder who's gone from feeling hostility/resentment to acting out and this is serious. Do report to some authority in your company and have witnesses in that discussion other than his boss who could take his side and distort your report to make you out to be sick. In my employer the HR rep offers different forums to explore charges: aggrieved and her boss and HR, aggrieved and charged and both bosses, bosses only, etc. i hope you have an outlet for addressing this situation and choices that make you feel secure. You have a right to that.

[BobbyDavis]

I have met people like that and they are definitely a problem but I don’t think he is suffering from an insecurity complex or lacking confidence because most people that have an evil soul have a very high level of confidence which often borderlines on Megalomania (think Lex Luther – so-called evil genius and greatest criminal mastermind of all time.) It does sound like he is jealous of your position though and he could be trying to steal it out from under and if that is the case you should report him to your boss as another member suggested because it is a very sneaky way of bullying you and if he keeps it up after that take him to the side somewhere and tell him how you feel and to **** off.

Nobody needs to put up with ******** from other people and if you let him he will walk over you.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by Soul Quake

Let his superior(s) know what's going on.

Originally Posted by LindaLu

You have a coworker with a serious personality disorder who's gone from feeling hostility/resentment to acting out and this is serious. Do report to some authority in your company and have witnesses in that discussion other than his boss who could take his side and distort your report to make you out to be sick. In my employer the HR rep offers different forums to explore charges: aggrieved and her boss and HR, aggrieved and charged and both bosses, bosses only, etc. i hope you have an outlet for addressing this situation and choices that make you feel secure. You have a right to that.

Originally Posted by BobbyDavis

I have met people like that and they are definitely a problem but I don’t think he is suffering from an insecurity complex or lacking confidence because most people that have an evil soul have a very high level of confidence which often borderlines on Megalomania (think Lex Luther – so-called evil genius and greatest criminal mastermind of all time.) It does sound like he is jealous of your position though and he could be trying to steal it out from under and if that is the case you should report him to your boss as another member suggested because it is a very sneaky way of bullying you and if he keeps it up after that take him to the side somewhere and tell him how you feel and to **** off.

Nobody needs to put up with ******** from other people and if you let him he will walk over you.

Many thanks dears for reply and advice.
I believe that reporting a coworker to management is the worst way to solve this kind of problems, how can I deal with him afterwards, how can we handle some common work together, and for sure he will try by every way to utilize the situation and to win the battle, then he will look as the victim and I am the guilty one, and also if he looked the guilty one, he may try to revenge somehow afterwards to take back his good look in front of managers, may be also it will end up by kidding and that I am a kid and going through a childish way complaining from my colleague.

I can't tell the management that this person is jealous of me, I know it and definitely sure from it but such words are so sensitive and can't be told frankly and it even could be taken against me.

All I can say that he is interfering my job and he can escape from it easily saying "yea I was discussing it friendly and proposing something", "I did not mean to interfere in his job, he is just so sensitive and feels this and it is not the truth"...etc

For using my laptop, I am sure from it, but I don't have a strong proof for that.

@Bobbydavis
How can he steal my position, I am working very well and directly reporting to a manager who is not his manager, and my manager is totally satisfied about me.
He may interferes in my job during my absence also, he just interferes in my job, not deeply in details but he just interferes in discussions, I can't stop him from interfering during my absence, because I go some other places in work not full time with him.

Also I want to say that he always talking to me in a bad way, sometimes cursing, but he says "yea we are friends, i am kidding with you"

[Confusedinomicon]

I think you can tell him that you don't appreciate the negative language at least because that can be a form of harassment. (At least in the US) For your computer ask a manager if you can start password protecting it so you can just log off when you aren't using it. Then he can't get into your files when you aren't there. If he needs any files from you, you could print them, email them or share them via a USB.

If he isn't talking to you about work then can you politely ask him to leave you alone?

It's also not required to be friends with coworkers so I think it's reasonable to just block him from seeing updates and such on your Facebook page.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

I think you can tell him that you don't appreciate the negative language at least because that can be a form of harassment. (At least in the US) For your computer ask a manager if you can start password protecting it so you can just log off when you aren't using it. Then he can't get into your files when you aren't there. If he needs any files from you, you could print them, email them or share them via a USB.

If he isn't talking to you about work then can you politely ask him to leave you alone?

It's also not required to be friends with coworkers so I think it's reasonable to just block him from seeing updates and such on your Facebook page.

Yes, i should tell him not to talk to me in an impolite way, you are right.
The computer already is password protected and I started locking it while I am not there.

Facebook doesn't matter and I really wish him to unfriend me, I just don't want to be his friend on Facebook anymore, he will unfriend me again I am sure.

I really not interested in making a lot of friends, I prefer to be lonely and not to be annoyed by anyone.

But as a matter of curiosity, can you please tell me why it is not preferable to be friend with a coworker?

[LindaLu]

Originally Posted by seawhale

Many thanks dears for reply and advice.
I believe that reporting a coworker to management is the worst way to solve this kind of problems, how can I deal with him afterwards, how can we handle some common work together, and for sure he will try by every way to utilize the situation and to win the battle, then he will look as the victim and I am the guilty one, and also if he looked the guilty one, he may try to revenge somehow afterwards to take back his good look in front of managers, may be also it will end up by kidding and that I am a kid and going through a childish way

Seawhale we care and dont want you hurt in this situation. Thats why we all offer d advice. But we don't know your employer, its policies or your role working with this creep. So obviously any decision you make is yours.

But I'll describe my own experience as illustration. I have a history of child abuse that bullies in the workplace can sense. I tolerate their abuse more than I should, so manager assigns me to work their projects, where no one else wants to. With 3 persons I went to HR and 2 others I was asked to review them anonymously by their supervisor. I provided just facts of the abuse. All but one was fired or voluntarily found a new job. The last one left for another division and still calls to have me assigned to her projects. That feels weird.

Each incident was embarrassing and in different degrees uncomfortable encountering them in the hallway knowing they knew or suspected me of 'starting something.' But they were people with track records sabotaging others that was investigated based on my complaint and verified.

A 6th person sent an inappropriate email to a client and then called me to gloat about it. I forwarded email to VP because this can hurt business. She was counseled to make nice to client and knew immediately I'd turned her in. So she asked me to stop work on her project but thats okay I'll always have skills to carry to another project.

Someone once told me story of camping with girlfriend and in the middle of the night she had to pee. But she was scared maybe there was a bear in the woods. Boyfriend said, either you'll have to pee so bad you just go out there, or the potential bear outside will keep you waiting till daylight.

It was a great story to sort out my own dilemmas at work. I decided it was worth the post-report discomfort with bully and possible embarrassment if others heard what happened. But in fact bullies were always too embarrassed to tell others what I'd done. They presumably complained to their supervisors that I'm too sensitive and unfair but the rest of workplace had a good idea they were evil people.

So on the whole it was woth it to me to stop being a victim. Others may prefer keeping the peace. Its up to each person whats most important. Good luck and just keep believing in yourself.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by seawhale

Many thanks dears for reply and advice.
I believe that reporting a coworker to management is the worst way to solve this kind of problems,

I agree with you, in general.

Specifically, in this case, reporting to management is a very weak cause because the issues are soft.

The only hard issue is data stolen from the laptop or files modified etc.

So I would not report it to management, but I would go to your friendly IT support guys and very casually, in a low key fashion, tell them that something does not look right and could they please take a look. Technically speaking, the security training that you probably received when you were a new hire mandated such reporting to the IT. You are not mandated to report difficult coworkers to the managers, but you are mandated to report breaches of security, suspected data loss, etc. So - follow the rulebook. Go to IT.

If he actually stole the files off your computer and placed them on his WORK computer, the IT folks might be able to trace that. And then decide on the next steps based upon the outcome of that investigation.

[seawhale]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I agree with you, in general.


Specifically, in this case, reporting to management is a very weak cause because the issues are soft.


The only hard issue is data stolen from the laptop or files modified etc.


So I would not report it to management, but I would go to your friendly IT support guys and very casually, in a low key fashion, tell them that something does not look right and could they please take a look. Technically speaking, the security training that you probably received when you were a new hire mandated such reporting to the IT. You are not mandated to report difficult coworkers to the managers, but you are mandated to report breaches of security, suspected data loss, etc. So - follow the rulebook. Go to IT.


If he actually stole the files off your computer and placed them on his WORK computer, the IT folks might be able to trace that. And then decide on the next steps based upon the outcome of that investigation.

The best reply I got ever in this topic.

I believe it is not wise to report coworker to management without really something solid in my hand, otherwise it might end up worse than before.

And I really consulted an IT engineer but for something else, because i was in doubt that he made a rule or something equivalent to even get a copy of some or all my emails, because several times his laptop notifies for a new email at the same time i receive an email but I didn't find any rule created.

Regarding the data, unfortunately we are located somewhere outside the company headquarters and not connected through the company hub and server, so it will be so difficult for them to trace something, all i did is to make sure that my laptop is always locked when i am not there.

Let us see what days will bring to me with this idiot.

Many thanks dear for your wise reply.