My current relationship is a really unique and complicated situation...maybe? IDK. I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years. several weeks before I ended that relationship, I met this girl. She was from a mommy group I was in and we became close friends. We began flirting and I ended up fully cheating on my then girlfriend. I've never cheated before. This was the first time. I ended up falling in love with this girl. Head over heels.
I have a friend in New Zealand that I've always had a thing for. Well, around the time of my breakup we were flirting. And it just sort of continued. IDK why. It just did. My current girlfriend accidentally read some of the texts between me and NZ girl and is understandably extremely upset and hurt.
Considering how she and I started, she's especially lost trust in me. And I am heart broken for having done this to her. I feel like such a failure and a prick.
She's giving me another chance. She told me that rebuilding the trust is completely dependent on me.
I need help on how to get her back. To show her that I love her. That the last several months with her have been real, and that I want a future with her.
I've said I was sorry. I cut off contact with my friend from NZ and shown her the messages stating so. I've deleted snapchat off my phone. I gave her a painting I made for her for christmas. I know I need to do everything right.
I'm going to her place today after work. I want to buy her flowers. Is that too much? IDK. I'm so scared of losing her.

[Bill3]

I'm going to her place today after work. I want to buy her flowers. Is that too much? IDK. I'm so scared of losing her.

It's really difficult to answer this question without knowing the person. Flowers certainly are lovely, but whether it is too much really depends on how she would feel about receiving them, and at work.

What do you think? How much will she like that? And if she doesn't like it, to what extent will she be able to recognize and appreciate the love behind the gesture?

(((((Aanga)))))

[Webgoji]

Like Bill3 said, without knowing her, it's possible the flowers are too much, but in my opinion I think they would be a great idea.

The biggest thing I think is time and transparency. If you're texting someone and she's there, let her know who you're texting. If you're calling someone, let her hear the conversation.

Also, attention. It's something us old farts call courting, but if you let her see that she's the center of your world it helps. If you're distracted by other people, it can lead to her thinking you've got wandering eyes. So simple things like little public displays of affection, complimenting her in public, meeting her at the door, those kinds of things will help cement that she's the apple of your eye.

So to sum up; time, transparency and attention. Good luck out there!

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Aanga

And it just sort of continued. IDK why. It just did.

Oh, and this is going to sound mean, but you saying you don't know why is garbage. You know why it continued. You enjoyed the attention, everyone likes to be flirted with and since you were getting an emotional payback you let it continue. You need to make sure as time goes on you recognize these things.

Don't get drug into cheap emotional fixes when you have a chance at something really deep and strong.

[Perna]

Hi, Aanga. May I ask if she invited you to her place after work or are you just "going"? I would not necessarily rush her with trying to get close again and buying her flowers, etc. I would want a little bit of space if I were her to process it all. Maybe you can invite her out instead of going to her place? Just sit and talk over dinner at an Applebees sort of place (instead of flowers) and have as pleasant or serious sort of evening as her mood dictates?

[hamster-bamster]

I do not think that one can go wrong with flowers. I would try to play down transparency and play up courting.

Transparency means that you would be accountable to her as if she were your manager. This is not the best setup for a couple, on too many grounds to mention. Some transparency - which you gave her to show that you would not continue - is good, but weaving transparency into your lifestyle is not.

In regards to Perna's concern, my question would be - is your gf living alone or with family/roommates/other people? If she is living alone, I think it is OK, but if she isn't, and, if you normally would not sing serenades underneath her balcony but now all of the sudden would show up with flowers, she might not like it - her family might start asking her questions that she would prefer not to field. It may be embarrassing for her. We do not know enough to predict her reaction if there are any 3rd parties involved.

[Aenigmatica Persona]

There needs to be time to assess and discuss each others feelings. Both hers and yours. She may be experiencing confusion feeling she was not giving you enough. It may have been "mostly harmless" excitement on your part. Regardless of the who, why, how, it is best discussed between the two of you. It is not easy, but it is the only way to get past the fear, hurt, and questions. Gifts and sorry's are nice to a point, but often they just mask the issue and people feel "it goes away" and hit a honeymoon phase. At some point without actual resolution a trigger is likely to occur and open old wounds.

Some space may also be necessary as mentioned above, but not absolute silence. Let her lead the way, ask her what she needs from you.

It may also be worthwhile at some point to review each others feelings about how you met. If there is concern that because of the circumstances that a similar event could occur, that should be addressed to really establish trust.

Best wishes.

Thank you all for the feedback. I did go to her apartment after I got off work (I work overnight shifts) and spent the day with her. We talked...a lot. She is giving me another chance. I've unlocked my phone for her.
She doesn't live alone...she still lives with her husband until mid-feb. (they are divorcing).
She has accepted me back but obviously still has her distrust of me...which I completely understand.
So now I'm trying to work sweet and courting actions in to my time with her. I love her. More than I have ever loved anyone. And I can't lose her...

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Aanga

More than I have ever loved anyone.

Make sure she knows that. Verbatim.

I've told her. She doesn't believe my words. While she's giving me another chance, she's still (obviously) hurt and doesn't trust me. And I know it's going to take time to heal and move past this...
I'm just afraid that I'm not going to do the right things. Or she's going to end up giving up on me. I love her so much. I can't imagine a life without her.