[nevertheless002]

Hi,

since I do not have friends to talk to, I would like to ask You here.

There is a book/ movie called : "The Reader" or "Der Vorleser"

A young man walks into a relationship with woman over her 30ies. They mostly just had sexual intercourse, I guess You could call it romantic love...
We have read it in class. The teacher asked: What do You think of such a relationship?
bla bla,... I was thinking of other kind of relationship.
Now my question or idea would be: Close Your eyes, imagine a partner who is Your soul mate, You understand each other so well, You imagine You were predestined to meet, You love eachother with everything You have, all the mistakes and perfect beauties of soul. You exist in one heart together. (I think, this might be really hard to imagine, if not impossible, but try to imagine how You would feel, even if constructing artificial feelings of perfection)
You are two souls, so close, they now form one coupled soul, two hearts, so dear to eachother, they melt into one piece, closing Yourselves in eachothers hands... You can become one. Human to Human contact as perfect as it can be.
Do You guys think in such situation, You would let go of these feelings, let go of this person because there is age difference...? Would You let go and leave this only person in Your life ?

It interests me a lot, sorry if it is boring or annoying

[Angelique67]

No, I wouldn't let an age difference make me lose something like that. Of course I never had anything like that.

[gayleggg]

It's an interesting question. I can say yes I've felt that and yes I let it go because of age. I bent with the pressure from friends and family. Fear actually. Fear that he would regret never having children. Fear that he would be sorry as I got older. Fear he would leave me. So instead, I dumped him. I have regretted it more than anything else I've ever done. It still brings tears to my eyes. Thinking about what I gave up because of fear.

[Rainydaiz]

My husband is 21 years older than me. It doesn't really affect anything in our relationship. I think having an idealised image of the 'perfect' partner isn't helpful though as it is a fantasy and doesn't really exist. I'd have never looked at my husband twice on paper. The good news is that my imperfect husband is much better than any fantasy partner I could've come up with, in spite of his faults. And the best news is, he loves me in spite of my faults. None of us are perfect, however that doesn't mean we aren't deserving of love.

[Rainydaiz]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

It's an interesting question. I can say yes I've felt that and yes I let it go because of age. I bent with the pressure from friends and family. Fear actually. Fear that he would regret never having children. Fear that he would be sorry as I got older. Fear he would leave me. So instead, I dumped him. I have regretted it more than anything else I've ever done. It still brings tears to my eyes. Thinking about what I gave up because of fear.

I'm sorry I didn't read your message before I wrote mine. I hope you are ok and send hugs. Is it too late?

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by Rainydaiz

I'm sorry I didn't read your message before I wrote mine. I hope you are ok and send hugs. Is it too late?

Yeah, it's too late. It hurt him terribly but he moved on. I hope he is happy where ever he is. And sometimes I feel like he's really close. I will never forget what we had.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by nevertheless002

Hi,

since I do not have friends to talk to, I would like to ask You here.

There is a book/ movie called : "The Reader" or "Der Vorleser"

A young man walks into a relationship with woman over her 30ies. They mostly just had sexual intercourse, I guess You could call it romantic love...
We have read it in class. The teacher asked: What do You think of such a relationship?
bla bla,... I was thinking of other kind of relationship.
Now my question or idea would be: Close Your eyes, imagine a partner who is Your soul mate, You understand each other so well, You imagine You were predestined to meet, You love eachother with everything You have, all the mistakes and perfect beauties of soul. You exist in one heart together. (I think, this might be really hard to imagine, if not impossible, but try to imagine how You would feel, even if constructing artificial feelings of perfection)
You are two souls, so close, they now form one coupled soul, two hearts, so dear to eachother, they melt into one piece, closing Yourselves in eachothers hands... You can become one. Human to Human contact as perfect as it can be.
Do You guys think in such situation, You would let go of these feelings, let go of this person because there is age difference...? Would You let go and leave this only person in Your life ?

It interests me a lot, sorry if it is boring or annoying

Well, I kind of got swamped in mushy stuff, but I've never understood the big deal about age differences. Personally I can't have too deep of conversations with the younger women I've met because they don't know a time without the Internet or cell phones. Much less understand UHF/VHF jokes.

But if it works for someone, who am I to worry about it?

[Hellion]

In general I don't see anything wrong with such a senerio, you say young man...not child, so if both parties want the relationship I wouldn't see the issue. It might have some different challenges than having a relationship with someone closer in age though.

[Rainydaiz]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Yeah, it's too late. It hurt him terribly but he moved on. I hope he is happy where ever he is. And sometimes I feel like he's really close. I will never forget what we had.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

I think it depends on what each of you want from the relationship. If she wants children and you don't, that's a biggie (or vice versa). Sometimes people get caught up in the newness of a relationship thinking they have met their soulmate but in reality that is not the case. They are just projecting qualities they want in a partner to the person they have met without realizing it. Sex may be great now but what if life circumstances change for one of you (menopause, women troubles, etc.) and the hormones are no longer in full swing? Will that change the relationship for you? It's hard to think realistically when you are embroiled in the height of a romance. If you have differences in what you expect from your partner (in everyday life) such as going out with friends, family, participating in hobbies. These should be considered in planning a future together. Don't underestimate the importance of little things like caring for one another when sick or if either of you are bringing children into the mix. There is much to consider.

[Rainydaiz]

Originally Posted by Simmering

I think it depends on what each of you want from the relationship. If she wants children and you don't, that's a biggie (or vice versa). Sometimes people get caught up in the newness of a relationship thinking they have met their soulmate but in reality that is not the case. They are just projecting qualities they want in a partner to the person they have met without realizing it. Sex may be great now but what if life circumstances change for one of you (menopause, women troubles, etc.) and the hormones are no longer in full swing? Will that change the relationship for you? It's hard to think realistically when you are embroiled in the height of a romance. If you have differences in what you expect from your partner (in everyday life) such as going out with friends, family, participating in hobbies. These should be considered in planning a future together. Don't underestimate the importance of little things like caring for one another when sick or if either of you are bringing children into the mix. There is much to consider.

You could argue that you need to consider these things in any relationship. My husband and I have been together 10 years now.(21 years difference) My ex boyfriend who was the same age as me died very suddenly and unexpectedly. I would have had less time with him than I have already had with my husband. I think for me, no matter what happens with my husband, the time I have had with him now will be worth it. There are no guarantees in life, and I'm so much happier with him than without him. And vice versa. Children etc we could have done if we'd had IVF but I'm not that maternal anyway. It does depend on each individual case I think.

[-jimi-]

Harold and Maude is one of my favorite movies. It's very dark kind of funny but also I think it is beautiful. Here we have a young man and his friendship/possible love with an almost 80 year old woman.

I feel that love is good. It doesn't have to be romantic, but if you find any kind of soul mate that is a deepening experience and you don't want to miss it. Age should not matter.

I don't need to add I'm excluding sexual acts with minors.

But I know people who have crushed on long dead people. You are lucky to find your soulmate in this lifetime, because so many lifetimes have came and went. If there are years between you, that doesn't really matter.

But things run deep. I have a new friendship (totally non-romantic) with a girl half my age. She thinks I am old. But also she likes me a lot. She can't decide if she can be friends with an "old" person or if I'm more of an aunt/uncle to her. I wish we could just be FRIENDS, you know....