I sometimes feel like I am being annoying, and I may apologize to the person who I feel I am annoying and the person will say I am not but sometimes I still wonder if they are just saying that to avoid conflict. I worry because in the past I had apparently annoyed some people but before they said anything, I asked them and they said I was not annoying them but turns out I was somehow so I worry it will happen again. Meow can you tell if you really are annoying someone or not? Just like to know.

[Fabulous]

Just by perceiving the annoyance and lack of open ness of others in some intuitive way, that is what I think.

[Artchic528]

It would be a really big help if it were pointed out as the annoying behavior is being displayed..but people often don't do that for whatever reason. I understand where you're coming from, Ryan, as I do things I don't realize are annoying at the time. Then people get upset, stop talking to me, I get frustrated and hurt, and nothing is gained on either end.

I just wish people would express what I'm doing is annoying when I'm doing it...

[hvert]

I would stop asking if you are being annoying because that almost always annoys people, even though it seems like it would just be helpful

I think this is a case by case thing. If I feel like I am being annoying, I usually back off and stop doing whatever it is that I think might be annoying. I try to think about situations that are similar. Have other people done this to me and did I find it annoying?

I agree with hvert if you keep asking if you are annoying it will become real old fast it's like a kid asking for candy non stop ..

So when you get that urge to ask don't !

[Artchic528]

That's all well and good, but how do you know you're being annoying in the first place? I mean, if you genuinely don't know, and no one says anything and everything escalates, then what?

I would much rather talk about things being said and how they make each other feel. But if the other person won't even do that, then what?

I just want to know so I can learn from that.

[HockingPastryChef]

I agree with several of the comments.

Don't ask. If they get annoyed and walk away from you it's their problem for not telling you the issue in the first place.

Continuing to think you are annoying someone can cause more annoyance and even on yourself; so don't dwell on it too much.

What helps is knowing you are worried and accept that you are because when you accept the emotion then you will sense some relief from it.

[anisepower]

Unfortunately some people do pretend in order to avoid conflict or upsetting the other person. If you feel you are being annoying, instead of asking them, just back off from the situation and see if it improves.
I find it's easier to tell when someone's annoyed during conversation simply by the way they are talking. But it's hard when they aren't, actions aren't usually as clear. In my experience people who are annoyed will try to change the conversation, avoid forwarding the conversation, or will simply ignore or pretend not to hear. Some people will also have a tone in their voice indicating that they're not interested.

[hvert]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

That's all well and good, but how do you know you're being annoying in the first place? I mean, if you genuinely don't know, and no one says anything and everything escalates, then what?

I would much rather talk about things being said and how they make each other feel. But if the other person won't even do that, then what?

I just want to know so I can learn from that.

You might try posting descriptions of specific situations here for a third party opinion? Sometimes (often) when people back away from us, it has to do with them, not us.

[Trippin2.0]

Body language, intonation, facial expressions, (repeated) audible sighs, sudden tension in the room, changing the topic regularly, interrupting you when try to speak.


Those are signs someone might be annoyed.

If none of those are readily available, I would agree that backing off and playing "wait and see" would be the best course of action.


If the person continues to engage you without you having to prompt them, then they're not annoyed. If they follow suite and stay silent, they probably were annoyed.



I don't always want to tell someone they're annoying, the person might find it rude and offensive, sometimes the truth is impolite so you provide people with non verbal hints.


However, I have had to tell a co-worker that I find her extremely annoying at times, so much so that I want to commit acts of grievous bodily harm. But I was sure to mention that its not all her fault, sometimes I'm just annoyed and her being naturally annoying, doesn't help.


So now when my bipolar has my tolerance for annoyance at an all time low, I just give her a look and she knows to back off for a while.


So yeah, it's not always easy to communicate things like this because people's feelings are involved, sometimes you don't want to come across as an absolute b!tch and hope that the other person can catch a hint.


Ps. I would be instantly annoyed (bipolar mood swing or no) if someone repeatedly asked me if they were annoying. That in itself is absolutely annoying. If you think you're being annoying, just stop being annoying. You obviously have an idea of what might be annoying since you suspect you might be annoying. So just quit doing that part.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by hvert

You might try posting descriptions of specific situations here for a third party opinion? Sometimes (often) when people back away from us, it has to do with them, not us.

So your saying that people are never going to tell me I'm being annoying, and asking them if I am being annoying isn't an option because it's only going to annoy people?

Well, I'm screwed....

[divine1966]

Do you have examples of the situations? Or example of types you suspected somebody is annoyed? I don't think I am annoying in general but I know that I have some annoying habits that get on people nerves. I repeat the same thing several times and I often speak too loud and am so ocd about cleaning that I sometimes start cleaning the house in the middle of the conversation. My mom likes to tell content of books and movies, annoying. Etc Can you think of examples and we will tell if it is annoying?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If someone asked me if they were annoying I would probably say "no" simply because I appreciated the fact that maybe they recognized what they were doing was annoying. Please don't continue asking me the same question again, as I agree with other posters that that is annoying.

I find people who come and interrupt my day with long stories annoying. Pop-jn visitors or repeated phone calls are annoying too. Unless of course the person is experiencing a crisis and needs to talk. I guess it depends. What do you do to annoy people?

[hvert]

I think as long as you are following basic etiquette, it's probably not something you need to worry about. If I were concerned that I was annoying people, I might get some of Miss Manner's books out of the library.

[Trippin2.0]

What exactly has you worried that you're being annoying?


Is it a general fear/anxiety of being annoying, or are there specific clues you're going by which indicate (to you) that you may in fact be annoying?


Just trying obtain a better understanding of the situation.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

What exactly has you worried that you're being annoying?


Is it a general fear/anxiety of being annoying, or are there specific clues you're going by which indicate (to you) that you may in fact be annoying?


Just trying obtain a better understanding of the situation.

A combination of both. In the past people were too polite and befriended me out of pity so I would talk to them and they got secretly annoyed with me and eventually blew up in my face about it. Worry that will happen again. And in a similar way, I am currently friends with someone who has trouble with being honest in a tactful way. I see it in interactions between her and others, if she is annoyed at someone, she will not say anything to that person until she blows up on them. And once she said I was crowding her but then changed and said I wasn't, but she keeps sending mixed signals. So after reading all these comments, I figured it is best to stop asking if I am annoying and just follow my gut. If I feel like she is annoyed about something, she probably is. Even if she does not admit it.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for clarifying, I appreciate it.

The reactions of the people you describe sound very immature to me.


Yes, I would prefer not having to tell someone that I find them annoying, but if it were a friend of mine, or in my most recent scenario a coworker I have to work with, then the mature thing to do is tell the person what exactly bugs me about them instead of losing my damn mind at the end of the day, and a friend in the process too. I value my friendships and work environment way too much to risk obliterating it over something that could be solved as mature adults.


I can understand your frustration and I sincerely hope you are able to cultivate friendships with better people in future.

[Remi Love]

If you are asking if your being annoying then chances are you probably are. I used to annoy everybody all the time i drove everybody nuts I never saw that I was being that bad I thought it was the world that had the problem not me . Looking back I was the the person who was the problem not the world.