[arch123]

Hey guys. It honestly took a lot from me to actually try to talk about this. I'm in a relationship with a girl say for the past 4 months... Ive known her for four years, she was my closest friend and she still is... I am crazy about this girl. Simple. But , we got to talking about our past for some reason recently. She has had just one boyfriend in her past and has sex only with him. I have been through a few relationships in my past as well... The problem here is i am bothered about her sexual past. I am actually still a virgin. She took a lot of courage to actually talk to me about it.. which makes me feel great because she is opening up to me and she actually trusts me... but im still having trouble getting the picture out of my head. It hurts. Im really trying but just doesnt help. When i talk to her i feel fine.. When im by myself i lose it. I cant leave this woman for any reason. She's the real deal. I want to keep her happy no matter what. But i want to be happy too. I just want to forget her past and move on. I just dont know what to do. The major doubt is will i be able to forget the past? its been just two days since we talked about it ... but still... is it stupid? im ready to do anything to get past this... Please help

[Webgoji]

I'm curious why it bothers you so much. Is it insecurity on your part, jealousy or some other expectation? Since she's only been with one other man, it's not like she's done some things in the past that are very questionable.

I myself was a virgin when I met my wife, and she'd been sexually active prior to meeting me. In my case, I had trouble thinking I was going to be good enough for her in bed. But those were all unfounded insecurities.

I think the best advice I could give would be to not let the past intrude in your thoughts. Notice that they're there and address them. Tell yourself that it's just the past and has no bearing on today. Develop your relationship, work on it together and that past will be nothing but forgotten sheets of paper on the calendar.

[WrkNPrgress]

Perhaps if you tried to remover your own judgements and understand it from her perspective you might feel better about it?

I think what you are feeling is jealousy because she is not a virgin and you are .

[IceCreamKid]

I suggest you talk this over with your parents. Tell them that a woman you have been seeing for the past 4 months has a sexual history that your find arousing yet distressing. Include your woman friend in the conversation. If her parents are still alive, you can invite them, too. I think this will take care of your problem.

[Ruftin]

Your jealousy could very well ruin your relationship with her. You are now the one in a relationship with her. Not that other person. Focus on that and on making new memories. This is how you are going to keep her and bring you both happiness.

[~Christina]

This is a common problem in your culture, As your not the only man that has been posting such problems and concerns. Is this an arranged marriage by chance?

I'm sorry that she trusted you enough to tell you to be honest, Now you are judging her unfairly.

You have a few options.... Get over it and realize she is with you and her past is not part of your present relationship, or continue to judge her unfairly and possibly make her miserable for being honest and you will always feel insecure. If you really can't move past this, end the relationship and find a virgin to marry.

I'd vote for just loving her 100% and look forward to make a wonderful life with her.

I wish you the best.

[toolman65]

How can you be in a relationship with her for 4 months and still be a virgin? Are you actually WITH her or are you sanctioned to each other, with no sex until afterwards? Does her being "tainted" reduce her social status/ caste below yours? What would happen to her if you betrayed her trust?

Are you afraid that she will think of him as a better lover than you? Do you think that she will go back to him? Does her admission diminish her in your eyes?

Surely, in the last four years of being friends, you must have known she had a boyfriend? Was expecting her to be a virgin realistic?

Her life. Her choices. Her body.

If you can't accept this, perhaps you should go your separate ways. You can find a virgin and she can find a man strong enough to love her for the person she is.

[Bill3]

its been just two days since we talked about it ... but still... is it stupid? im ready to do anything to get past this.

Well it has been on your mind for two days. That is a very short time.

Why don't you see how you are thinking and feeling about this topic in a couple of weeks? And in the meantime don't make any new decisions or new commitments one way or the other.

Don't try to put the feeling out of your mind. Instead, face it, examine it, live with it, experience it, understand it. Talk about it with a counselor. The more you face this feeling, the better the chance that you will come to terms with what happened and be able to get past this obstacle to your relationship.

When you are examining the feeling, keep this in mind:

I am crazy about this girl....When i talk to her i feel fine...I cant leave this woman for any reason. She's the real deal.