[Artchic528]

I'm.....really upset right now. I can't even sleep because of the level of frustration in my body.

I'm mostly upset with myself. For ever letting myself get close to people. Why? It's an utterly pointless endeavor. I can maybe get one or two people to be remotely interested in a conversation, and even less than that are interested in coming back to me for a second one. I'm probably annoying, and I'm pretty sure people pick up on my insecurities and mess with me. Maybe I'm just one big effing game to the majority of people? Is that it? Am I some sick sadistic game to be played?

Forget about romance. No matter what I do, no guy responds to me. I tried online dating. But nearly every guy I've tried to connect with. Nearly 98% don't do anything, let alone try to connect back. I had one relationship come out of it, but I'm pretty sure that was a fluke or something. Besides, that was years ago. I see every so often that guys say they are interested via the site, but when I try and follow up that interest...it's like they suddenly pretend they never clicked that button. Why click the it in the first place if you're just gonna pretend it was all a mistake?

Goodness knows how much damn money I've poured onto Match.com. I'm done...just absolutely done with that site. I won't be suckered into wasting another damn cent.

Work isn't an option as most guys I work with are too old. Way to old and unattractive to boot. "Getting out more" isn't an option either. Can't drive and the nearest a city bus gets to my house is a good 45 minute walk away. I'm not walking 45 minutes in the freezing cold just so I can "get out".

Some may argue that I have plenty of time. Well, I don't. I have yet to decide if I want kids. I want that option to have them available yet. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit early menopause when I'm 40 or so and since I'm 31 now, I'm gonna have to either meet a guy by 35, so I can be married (want to do that before I have kids) and decide if I want kids or not by 38. Any older and I might risk the kid's health, or mine. So yeah. Clock is ticking. Tick tock...tick tock...

In my desperation, I'm probably sabotaging any change I have as it tends to repel guys away. Far away. So...yeah. Might as just have a hysterectomy and just be through with all this stress. No point in having these parts if I'm never going to use them.

I'm probably annoying you now, but you're going to be too polite to say anything. It's usually the case. People are often too polite for their own damn good. Also, if you are thinking this thread is all about pity, forget it. I'm not looking for a pity party either. I'm just venting my frustration at how block headed and heartless people are and how I've had it up to hear with dumb *** guys.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to go lay down in my bed and shake from anger for the next few hours while I try and unsuccessfully fall asleep. I have nothing else I can do anyways. I'd drink a cup of tea, but I don't like tea. Except chai tea, but I don't have that. Oh, and if you've decided that this post isn't too long, and managed to read it up and til now, congrats. You get the perseverance award.

[Yoda]

I am sorry you are feeling frustrated. It is difficult to meet people. I tried OKcupid site. A married guy approached me wanting to hook up. Ummm, no.

Do your friends know you are wanting to meet someone? I had a friend set me up with a friend of hers for a blind date and that started out as a good relationship but later fizzled.

[Artchic528]

I don't have any friends. Well, not any offline. I do have one or two that I talk to regularly online, but does that really count?

Hi,
I'd put a hug under your name because "I get ya".. but you don't seem huggy so we'll skip that. I've been doing the dating site thing for a little over a year. I totally understand. I know not all men, but it seems most, are playing games and are on those sites for "kicks', and "entertainment". The more honest I was, and open (although brother suggested I just keep it short and simple and find people to meet for coffee), the sooner I'd get to the heart of their reason for being on the site. I'd soon find many, many of them to be looking to just chat, figure me out (which at this point I don't care), and then linger on. Then I'd realize that there is this or that about them that they had huge hang ups about women. Some got down right angry about stuff that clued me in, I'd not want to meet with them.
Sorry, making this about me. I feel for you, but I wish in your situation it was different. Sounds like mine. I am not in a city, so meeting people IRL is difficult. I don't blame you for not wanting to walk 45 min to a bus freezing your buns off to meet a man.
You won't like me saying this, but, if you are still in your early 30's or so, you have plenty of time. I have a friend who works with a woman that got pregnant at age 55, naturally. It doesn't happen often, but it happens. If I could do it over, I'd work on other things and then have my kids. But we can't make things happen or control what happens. Sorry you are feeling so down about this.
I started off here this year ending my marriage, then jumping to a dating site.
Just remember, most men aren't compatible, or meant for you. That makes it difficult. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, but, that is just me.
It is a matter of time and situation. Honestly, I'd now, after over a year of meeting people, rather meet someone at the grocery store. Rather spend my time making some friends wherever I might get out and go to. Take care.

[divine1966]

I am sorry. I don't suggest you do hysterectomy even if you won't have kids. Why? Maybe you weren't serious. Dating is tough. Well finding a date might not be hard but good relationships are hard to come by. Would you consider private one on one driving lessons? I teach special education and have many students who j thought would never drive yet they do. There is hope. Being able to drive would open lots of possibilities. Now my daughter doesn't drive but she moved to the city and she never gas to drive, they have public transportation. I am not saying to move to expensive city but anything that has bus system or could u at least move to an apartment close to the bust stop or where there is downtown? Just trying to help. And what kind of pic u have on match? Is it a professional one? And what do you say in your profile on there?

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[divine1966]

Never has not gas gee

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[Artchic528]

Divine. I've tried that. No dice. I'm pretty much stuck not driving.

[likewater]

Artchic, I find a great affinity for you. I adore your humor and sarcasm. I had a hysterectomy, I don't recommend it. Just sayin. How do you get to work? Maybe match.com is the wrong dating site. Have you tried others? Are there any with a free trial period?

[Artchic528]

Hey Likewater. I see you also enjoy Bruce Lee quotes.

Anyways. Thanks. I'm pretty sure most dating sites require you to pay.

[divine1966]

Some have free trials like eharmony. Someone recommended for me to take bunch of selfies making me look natural and I got more hits. Take some selfies?

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[Artchic528]

I don't do selfies. My profile pictures are fine. My profile is fine. It's the damn idiots that say that they're interested and then pretend that I don't even exist, or get annoyed to the point of hiding their profiles from me when I try to make further contact.

God....I feel like I don't have a place in this world. It's like I'm not made for it. I make friends, and then they leave me and won't tell me why. And it happens over and over and over and over again. It's obviously something I've said or done and I'm absolutely clueless. Whenever I ask, I get "I'm not going to tell you. Figure it out." How do I figure it out if I don't have a single clue as to what I did wrong?

Maybe I just don't belong in this world....

[ptangptang]

Dating sites are just another way of meeting people. If you meet people in a bar or a library or a grocery store you don't know anything about them. Sure people lie on dating sites but they lie irl too. Meet up pretty quickly. Don't message and phone for months. That only leads to disappointment when either you or them find it isn't what was expected. Go in with an open mind, take what they say in their profile with a pinch of salt, meet up and go from there. I had a nice date the other weekend and we're seeing each other again. She was a bit cheeky by putting on old photo up, i was a bit cheeky not saying my real height. but you have a laugh, enjoy the evening and move on. My pick of the free sites would be Oasis.com followed by OK cupid. POF i think is a bit low rent. But yeah i see where you're coming from. Sometimes people just suck.

[~Christina]

I understand your frustration. But I do want to point out you have black and white thinking almost across the board on a variety of topics. The reason I bring this up is if a person does not notice the gray area.... then well there is no room to grow and see situations from different angles. So you stay stuck.

It's hard for people of all types to find a connection, let alone dating and then leading to a marriage and kids???.. Sure it sounds hopeless to you, but its not. Yes your restricted by your lack of transportation, That can be changed in many ways. Yeah sure a 45 walk to a bus stop is a huge pain, But hey It's free exercise and you have no idea when you will meet someone , be it just a friend or someone that could be more.

It's hard to break the black and white thinking, hard... not impossible.. Do you have a Therapist you can talk to?

[Artchic528]

I do. She says I'm fine personality wise. Just limited by the fact that I'm housebound.

Anyways, what do you mean by black and white thinking?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Thanks for the Perserverance Reward. Been a while since I've won anything.

I think I relate quite a bit. I feel similarly, and yeah, I get pissed off and frustrated sometimes, too. I've tried a number of dating sites, ... I say "tried", but what I really mean, is that I went on them, registered to a few, and was most unimpressed, either by the type of women I saw there, or just totally lacked faith in the system and confidence in myself.

I feel like I need to get my appearence to the way I want it, to when all this working out will have really paid off, then I can at least not feel disgusting to a woman.

I usually find myself going on a dating site at night, when I'm really tired, and I'm just feeling a bit crappy, feeling sick of being single, so I think, maybe it's doable, maybe a relationship is fine, but I inevitably bail.

I go out, but not a great deal. Part-time college course, recently started jogging outside, I visit my dad now and again, and I go to the shops now and again, occasionally to town; nothing fantastic in the way of meeting women. I did meet a woman at college, but she just made me feel very uncomfortable with how pushy she was, so that ended very quickly.

[~Christina]

I have been reading the threads you have posted, yeah your challenged with lack of transportation but if making a 45 min walk can indeed get you out and around people, maybe you won't find a guy but it would break the boredom of being stuck at home and feeling hopeless.

You are certain you will never find anyone <~~~ black and white thinking. There is always gray areas, that is where you will find a social and romantic life. It takes effort and work, its kinda like a job, well it all feels like a job to begin with, It's like interviewing people to see if you both make a connection friend or more than a friend.

I hope your able to make some positive things happen in your life

[Artchic528]

Define gray areas. I just want a social life, but apparently, other people don't want to socialize with me. Where's the gray area in that?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Define gray areas. I just want a social life, but apparently, other people don't want to socialize with me. Where's the gray area in that?

You just haven't found the right people yet.. It takes effort and time.

I have no idea how your approaching new people under what setting(s)..

If your not catching fish in a small pond then find a bigger pond to go fishing in... Which means you need to widen your search .

I wish you the best

[Quiddie]

All I got for you is I feel you, Artchick. I have few friends, never had a guy because they just flat aren't interested, even my own family ignores me aside from my parents who seem happy to try treat me like I'm 5. People don't give me the time of day either, and the ones that do just seem to want something other than the pleasure of my company.

[Artchic528]

Thanks. It's good to hear that I am not alone in being alone. I just don't know what to do.

[Trippin2.0]

No cab services whatsoever?


Your mother can't drop you at the bus stop on her way out?

[ptangptang]

Just another thought. I've had 2 jobs that i've walked to rather than use the car. One was 30 mins one was 40 mins. like christina said it's free exercise. why pay to go to a gym. Ok you don't walk if the weathers atrocious. I got to enjoy the walk and even look forward to it. That's not an obstacle to meeting people.

[Artchic528]

Don't shove exercise down my throat. I don't want to exercise. Why do people worship exercise like it's some sort of god?

I can't breathe while I do anything strenuous. It's called asthma. Exercised induced asthma to be exact. Walking too fast makes me feel like I'm breathing through a stir straw. Not fun. I have an inhaler, but it only does so much. I'd see a doctor, but I can't. Insurance has one doctor on my medicaid card and I can't see him because I haven't been there in years. I can't sign up as a new patient because they aren't taking new patients. I have yet to figure out how to change my card to get a new doctor on it so I can be seen.

I'm not making excuses, before you get on my case for that. So don't.

[ptangptang]

You have an attitude problem. If you want people to help you you need to get rid of that. Don't mean to be nasty but that's the impression i get.

[Artchic528]

I'm sorry. I just get really upset when people try and suggest I exercise more. It's as if they are remarking about my waistline or something. I have struggled with body image issues since I was 6 or 7, and don't need people forcing their conceptual ideas about how I should look down my throat. It's a very sensitive subject for me.

I just ask that you please respect my wishes that exercise not be suggested to me anymore.