[likewater]

He lost his temper in a HUGE way the night before bc I thought my dog had popped some sutures from her getting spayed and I thought I might have to pawn some of my stuff to pay a vet bill like my laptop and I also have some antique carnival glass I can sell etc. He said none of my stuff was worth anything and he'd pay the bill and in just kept repeating I don't listen to him bc he said he'd clean up the kitchen after dinner and I was cleaning it and he said I was going to break the crock pot cleaning it. We' ve been dating like 9 yrs. I've cleaned the crock pot plenty of times. Besides that's just something people say. "Oh, don't clean up. I'll get it." But they usually don't go ballastic if you help them. Still helping anyway is what I was taught. Then he lent me his truck and it's new to me and he went nuts when I asked him how to get the key out and move the seat. He said I broke it. Turns out I didn't. Turns out maybe it was prophetic though bc I hit some sort of button the night b4 and the dome light stayed on all night ruining the battery. It wouldn't even take a charge. Then he tells me he wants a divorce (we're not married). I broke him. What did he do to deserve this. He cringe s every time the phone rings (I guess bc I'm so needy???) I crashed my car. It was icy. Lots of people crashed that day. My dog got spayed. That's life. The truck battery was 9 years old, plus if he had shown me how the lights worked or been nicer to me so I wouldn't have been so stressed out a d distracted maybe the dome light on. I don't know how to describe it. He was pounding his fists and flailing about and yelling. Asking what he did to deserve this. Did he mean me or a dead battery? I saw him later in the day and he gave me $40 in case I need anything. I think he felt guilty.

[jelly-bean]

It seems like if the two of you have been together 9 years your boyfriend should be used to you and how you do things. Maybe he had a bad day and took it out on you or something like that. By the same token you should be used to him and how he does things so his temper should not be a big surprise. I hope that the two of you can work things out without another big blow up.

[Rose76]

Sounds like your guy reacts to things going wrong in a very immature way and gets way too angry over way too little.

Sometimes a guy like that will be selective about who he throws major fits at based on who he thinks will tolerate him doing that. So after 9 years, he has concluded that he can throw fits like this at you. Unless this is how you want to live for the rest of your life, if you stay with this guy, you need to try re-training him. That would mean that you walk away from him when he starts throwing a fit. This is a lot like dealing with a child who throws tantrums.

He probably does know that he goes over the top, and that's why he gave you the $40. Him giving this sign of remorse can be kind of nice, but it still leaves you with the stress of having him wig out on you from time to time. I'll bet this sort of outburst happens rather frequently. It's no way to live. I'ld start refusing to tolerate it, if I were you. The more often he gets away with it, the more likely that he'll keep doing it.

Look how minor these incidents were that got him all nuts. What is he going to be like when it's something really big?

People prone to angry outbursts are typically selective about where and in front of whom they pull these tantrums. They often have the capacity for more self-control and will use it, IF they think they have to, or face losing an important relationship.

[likewater]

That's the weird thing. He slams cupboards or swears and pourts, but outrageous behavior like this has only happened a few times. In fact we broke up once for a few mos bc I actually feared for my safety and then once for a day bc I was just totally blindsided by his behavior. The very first time I thought it was a fluke. So in 9 years he's had 5 really scary bizarre meltdowns. We are in couples counseling so I'll bring it up there. I really love the guy so it would be great if he could find a better way to cope but I certainly don't want to keep reliving this pattern over and over.

[hvert]

Five episodes in 9 years doesn't sound that bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's good and his tantrum the other night sounds pretty ridiculous -- but I know that I've had melt downs in front of my BF that were pretty embarrassing in hindsight and he's done the same to me. I just take it as part of life, but maybe my standards are too low, LOL.

I hope things are going better now. What bad timing on that battery! Nine years is really old!