[Becoming]

Hey everyone,

So I recently ran into my ex's best friend at a club. He said he'd talk to her for me cause I wanted to apologize. Gave me his number too. Has no hard feelings against me. Thing is I haven't gotten responses from him or any news. I was meant to send him the letter, but he never okayed it and I don't want to randomly blow up his phone. He's unresponsive and maybe he was only telling me what I wanted to hear.

I still have my exes address and want to apologize for myself. It's to make me feel better, but I have no goal or expectations of reconcile. I was maybe going to send her a physical letter, but things ended so badly to the point where she doesn't want anything to do with me. So I'm not so sure if I should or not. Thoughts?

Another thing: I've been a gay woman since I was 13. Now I am 21, but recently have had crushes on Trans Women and Trans Men. Cis men don't seem to be my thing, but then I don't even have a lot of friends who are Cis men. So anyway...I'm confused. I like a Trans Guy right now. No idea whether he likes me or not. I'm graduating in 4 months and not sure where I'm ganna move but the area where he lives is nice and I lived there for a bit already and was thinking about moving there before I even met him. So who knows? I feel slightly insecure about these new feelings. Has anyone experienced something similar to this or have any thoughts/opinions/advice?

Thanks!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Forget em and move on girlfriend

Hello Rachael_S: Well, as far as the idea of a letter goes... sure send a letter. What harm can it do? She may or may not read it. It sounds as though the relationship is in the past, though, & I would suggest that you not pursue it beyond sending the letter, unless she responds positively. If she does not respond, then just let it go. Sometimes when a thing is over, it's just over & there's nothing one can do but move on. Should your ex respond negatively, I would recommend not responding. Just drop it at that point. There's no purpose served by rekindling a flame war, if you know what I mean.

As far as your concerns with regard to who you are & aren't attracted to: you mentioned that you'll be graduating soon. I presume you'll be needing / wanting to find employment. It seems to me that, at this point, you might want to be focusing on starting to look for employment opportunities (assuming you don't already have something lined up) & make your decision with regard to where you're going to live based on where you're going to be working.

As far as the question of attraction to women, trans women, & trans men goes, you know, what the LGBTQ community is trying to move toward is a society where each person is just themselves. We're not trans, or bi, or any other label. So my thought would be don't worry about if a particular person is gay or bi, or trans, or whatever, just focus on each person you get to know as an individual & see how the two of you "click". At some point, the right person will come along. And at that point what difference does it make? This kind of openness is to be celebrated. And you are to be celebrated for your openness!

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hello Rachael_S: Well, as far as the idea of a letter goes... sure send a letter. What harm can it do? She may or may not read it. It sounds as though the relationship is in the past, though, & I would suggest that you not pursue it beyond sending the letter, unless she responds positively. If she does not respond, then just let it go. Sometimes when a thing is over, it's just over & there's nothing one can do but move on. Should your ex respond negatively, I would recommend not responding. Just drop it at that point. There's no purpose served by rekindling a flame war, if you know what I mean.


As far as your concerns with regard to who you are & aren't attracted to: you mentioned that you'll be graduating soon. I presume you'll be needing / wanting to find employment. It seems to me that, at this point, you might want to be focusing on starting to look for employment opportunities (assuming you don't already have something lined up) & make your decision with regard to where you're going to live based on where you're going to be working.


As far as the question of attraction to women, trans women, & trans men goes, you know, what the LGBTQ community is trying to move toward is a society where each person is just themselves. We're not trans, or bi, or any other label. So my thought would be don't worry about if a particular person is gay or bi, or trans, or whatever, just focus on each person you get to know as an individual & see how the two of you "click". At some point, the right person will come along. And at that point what difference does it make? This kind of openness is to be celebrated. And you are to be celebrated for your openness!

I heard nothing back from her best friend still. So I asked one of our mutual friends. She said she would ask, but hasn't said anything about it. I asked her if she did and got no response. Now I'm all anxious. Like, what if my ex is saying horrible things or something and they're just like "well, I don't want anything to do with Rachael now." Is it so hard to just say "yes, I asked and she does/doesn't want to read/receive it" or "no, I haven't yet." For the last week I've been feeling crazy because all I want is an answer whether it's yes or no. My anxiety and depression is sky rocketing and I feel very irritable and it is starting to be hard not to think about this situation or her. I keep having nightmares now and some are more like memories of the good times we had together. So lately I've just been like pretending to be happy around my friends and getting some spurts of hypomania here and there (it is in my signature, but I have bipolar 2). Then there's a big part of me that just wants to isolate myself and sleep all day (partly because my nightmares wake me and effect my thinking negatively).

I have been looking for career opportunities and applied to a couple of them. Just waiting on some responses or time to pass so I can call and check.

I'm glad I'm open about it too. I agree. I think you can like/love whoever maybe. My concern is more sexual I suppose. The romantic attraction is there, but I'm not certain I'd want anything else except with a cisgender women. Maybe if I really loved someone it would change.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Becoming]

Now I feel like I should have just sent it in the mail. Then at least I would know it at least got to her. -_-

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by Rachael_S

Now I feel like I should have just sent it in the mail. Then at least I would know it at least got to her. -_-

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Could you not just go ahead & send the letter now?

[emory_]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

As far as the question of attraction to women, trans women, & trans men goes, you know, what the LGBTQ community is trying to move toward is a society where each person is just themselves. We're not trans, or bi, or any other label. So my thought would be don't worry about if a particular person is gay or bi, or trans, or whatever, just focus on each person you get to know as an individual & see how the two of you "click". At some point, the right person will come along. And at that point what difference does it make? This kind of openness is to be celebrated. And you are to be celebrated for your openness!

I actually think I have to disagree with this; I think that, while the LGBTQ community has made great strides toward reducing being identified by our labels, we still find it incredibly important for our identities to be used and acknowledged. For example, a gay man who doesn't want to be known as "the gay guy" in a group of people but who absolutely wants his peers to understand that he is gay because trying to redact that label from him strips away his experiences as a gay person. He wouldn't want to be compared to a straight guy and told, "There's no difference between you! You're both the same!" because they aren't. The straight man has never experienced homophobia, has never been oppressed for being gay, has never felt the pain of being excluded by your family or community for that reason. It's not the exact same, but I can compare it to color-blind racism. People who say, "I don't see color!" are completely invalidating the experiences that people of color have had specifically because they're people of color. I really hope that makes sense.

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Could you not just go ahead & send the letter now?

I was thinking of it. Turns out my friend just got back to me. She said she contacted my ex, but my ex is hesitant and taking time to think about if she wants the letter sent to her or not. If she does then I'm going to give it to my friend for her. We'll see.

Originally Posted by emory_

I actually think I have to disagree with this; I think that, while the LGBTQ community has made great strides toward reducing being identified by our labels, we still find it incredibly important for our identities to be used and acknowledged. For example, a gay man who doesn't want to be known as "the gay guy" in a group of people but who absolutely wants his peers to understand that he is gay because trying to redact that label from him strips away his experiences as a gay person. He wouldn't want to be compared to a straight guy and told, "There's no difference between you! You're both the same!" because they aren't. The straight man has never experienced homophobia, has never been oppressed for being gay, has never felt the pain of being excluded by your family or community for that reason. It's not the exact same, but I can compare it to color-blind racism. People who say, "I don't see color!" are completely invalidating the experiences that people of color have had specifically because they're people of color. I really hope that makes sense.

I think that labels are a necessary evil. If I'm getting what you're saying, it's so that we can understand people. Although I would prefer if labels did not exist, it would certainly be very hard-if not impossible- to find someone who is alike OR different from you. Or even in other unrealted cases...say you need a doctor...you can't find a doctor without the label "doctor." So I guess if you're LGBT+ and you wanna find someone that's like you, the label is needed. Other than that, we are all just humans and we should love who we want to love. I've always labeled myself as a gay woman, so that's why I am not confused as my recent feelings aren't 100% in line with my identity...which could maybe be described as a gay woman who is a bit queer too? XD