[kimberlywilson]

Hi, I am a 22 year old girl and my partner is 32. We dated for one year. My parents disapproved of him because they though he was a lower social class, also his past, family, nothing to show for his age ect. We had our ups and downs but within about 3 months my parents said leave the house or live with us and done be with him. So I followed my heart and I left to live with him.

He is wonderful is so many ways, loyal, honest, faithful, funny, smart, protective and he has depression and anxiety which he takes medication for. For the past 6 months he hasn’t been working or studying because he put of starting university till the start of the year instead mid year intake. This lead his life to become unstable, his sleep pattern is awful because he cant sleep at night so he watches movies therefore I cannot sleep. He used to be on the computer all night which I said I don’t like id rather him be with him at the cost of me not sleeping properly. So from this he sleeps all day which leaves me alone, he then wakes up and goes on his computer. He is a fussy eater and does not usually eat what I make and when he does wake up he wont have dinner with me because it’s his breakfast time. This leaves me feeling alone, ignored, neglected. I kept telling him that and he didn’t take it seriously but I love him and want him more than ever. It felt right at the time to leave because I was fed up so I left when he went out to get dinner, I packed my bags and called my parents to get me and they were so thrilled. It will break there hearts if I say I’m going back.

He doesn’t cook, clean, do laundry, exercise or help around at all. He says he is unmotivated and in a bad place.

I do love him, I have become more of a woman in this year, I have become more happy, confidant, ready to go out into the world. I felt as if I was not the right woman for him because I thought he needed to be put in line, he is the type of man who doesn’t like to be told what to do. But I went to his house today and we spoke and I realised he does have a condition, he was never bad to me at all. He needs compassion and I left him. Now I want back and he im sure he will want me back but my parents hate him, it will break there hearts. Also am I even doing the right thing going back?

I have asked this question on other forums (non mental health ones) and people have said, hes lazy, selfish and im being his mother. Pretty much saying leave him or don’t go back. But I want advice from people who understand this illness and can give me advice.

I think maybe you can be just friends with him but not lovers , if your doing all the work u will be burned out .

Just be a friend to him , you need someone who is a partner not just someone who is a caretaker to him .

And if he dose not like anyone telling him what to do then that means it's his way or the highway .
That means what you want he will not do .

My opinion is do not go back to being his lover , just ask to be friends with him

[avlady]

i also would have left if i was in that situation. you know he has some issues, and you just can't live with someone with them because it's too hard. it seems like he's not even trying to change, which he should do if he wants to be with you.as for being friends with him, that would probably be very hard not to get involved again. i would also wait awhile to talk to him again to give him some time to get his act together, and maybe he might even need a hospital stay to get on some meds for his depression and anxiety, they won't go away on their own and that is why he is behaving how he is now. he needs structure.he is hurting you when he stays up all night and lives according to his own schedule.

[hvert]

Both of the posts above are spot on. He needs to manage his condition or find help to manage it. It's not fair for him to ask you to give up what you need so he can continue this really unhealthy way of living.

Had he cleaned his house or done anything to win you back?

[seaecho]

I also agree... what was he putting into the relationship? Sounds as if you were nurturing the relationship (or trying to) as well as doing all the work around the house. I don't see where he was contributing anything. That is why you left him. Why go back to the same thing? If you went back, you would still be unhappy like you were when you left. Not taking your needs into consideration by keeping the TV on when you're trying to sleep, being on the computer all night, etc. You felt ignored and neglected--well, most women would, in that situation. He sounds awfully selfish to me. Sounds as if he needs to learn how to appreciate. I would not go back if I were you. I would offer to be his friend, as was already suggested, but would not move back in with him or be lovers. He needs to grow up and at least learn to try to add something positive to the relationship. Sounds as if he was totally dependent on you, and those kinds of relationships rarely work.