Can never seem to get it right talking to girls

Wrong. I was bullied and rejected during my school years, and that almost definitely caused me to have trouble connecting with others socially. Sure the bullies were just a handful of people, but it was the general population looked at me as a loser and did not want to associate with me, both guys and girls.

But either way, it is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that I did not get to have dating experiences with young 18-22 year old women. And now I am being told that it is inappropriate for me to be dating women that young. And most of the women who say this are women who DID get to enjoy the dating scene when they were 18-22. It should be obvious what is wrong with this. It is like when guys who have slept around call women sluts for doing the same. It is hypocrisy.

You really can't blame others that you didn't date. Especially some random strangers. I have all kind of bad relationship experiences but I am not blaming society or strangers. I could see if you blamed your parents for not getting you help but not everyone else

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Depends what you mean by "blame". I don't hold everyone personally responsible as if they themselves did something. But as far as I am concerned, the majority of the population has been involved in collective social rejection of people who are deemed "undesirable" when they were young. This is the type of behavior which caused me my problems. So yes, the general population owes it to people like me to not get in our way and let us enjoy the experiences we missed out on.

But instead, people expect us to "grow up" and be done with all of it just because THEY are. Women in particular can never seem to accept it when men over 30 or so are still looking to pursue casual superficial relationships like college kids. Ever think maybe those are the guys you laughed at and rejected when you were young? Karma is a *****.

I hope you don't refer to me when you say "guys you rejected" . Lol I just said I got married at 20 and had a kid at 21. I had no time to reject anyone. I in fact didn't have anything casual and superficial. Don't know who you referring to, but you quoted my post.

And on other subject. Yes you are blaming. you were ostracized and rejected as a child or a teen and there is nothing you could do. I sympathize. But you are an adult now. What are you doing to better yourself? You can't spend your life mad at high school kids. You got to do something to get better

And you got to start living in reality. Where you get these ideas of all these women being pursued by all these guys and all these casual and superficial and attractive etc that is not how most people live. Most Young people I know do not partake in anything casual at any age and most women are not being pursued by crowds of guys they want to reject.

Real every day life is not as exciting for most people as you think

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I just want to clarify, I am not saying it is immoral for young women to be enjoying young attractive guys. What is immoral is when those same women try to suggest it is wrong for older guys like me to enjoy young attractive women.

No, I am not referring to you, I am referring to women who bash older men for wanting to enjoy casual non-committal relationships.

And when I say casual relationships, I don't mean one night stands, I mean the type of relationships where you are dating a person just because you like them and you are not necessarily seeking anything long term. Yes, this is what most people do when they are young.

Sorry, but older women run into stigmatizing issues dating younger men as well.

It's not black and white. It's not the entire world versus you.

Yes, you were bullied. Yes, it feels unfair. No, you did not deserve that. And yes, you can do something about it. You can learn to take steps to heal. To accept yourself even when everyone was rejecting you.

It's not about proving your suffering does or doesn't exist. It's about overcoming those stigmas. I'd think about this the same way I would think about trauma. "Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives."

Right now, I see you constantly looking for information to back up your ideas and ignoring the rest. Remember the Ladder of Inference? If we only interpret data and observations one way to support our beliefs, we run the risk of not seeing the entire picture.

The Ladder of Inference - Problem-Solving Training from MindTools.com

I really don't wish to see you consuming all your energy on trying to validate these negative conceptions of your disposition. You are allowing this obsession of proving your pain and suffering to control you and possibly even call certain people "morons" when they may not be one.

You can choose who you want to date. Many people who have replied to this thread have been trying to tell you this very thing. That you can be free. You can be you.

Sometimes it is scary, especially when there has been an authority figure telling us who we can or cannot be our whole lives. But I have faith you can do it by re-directing your focus to self-compassion techniques. Don't allow your hurt and pain to control who you are. Simply learn to accept yourself.

Best of luck

Well my response was ignored .. That's okay.. I figured as much since I asked for Proof .

I do hope somehow in some way you eventually get some profession help to entering the world and all the wonderful woman your missing because you choose to walk your self in a corner.

I'm bowing out of this thread. Good luck !

Christina, you were referring to this post:

I offered several comments I came across as examples of how people think. These are just a few examples, and comments like these say a lot in my opinion.

With regards to your 23 year old daughter, a 23 year old dating a 26-27 year old is socially acceptable. But if she was under the age of 20 or 21, the guy would get a lot of hate. And if the guy was over 30, he would get a lot of hate dating any girl under 24 or 25.

I don't know where you find these women. None of the women I know care who others date. I am 49 clearly met many women in my life

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Again in my entire life I am yet to meet women who bash men for dating women of whatever age. Nobody cares who you date. Or who anybody dates. Trust us most of us are too preoccupied with our own lives to worry who others date. You are doing yourself huge disservice by living in perceived fantasy rather than real world

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Goodness Shadix, if all you want to do is vent that's fine, but why not start a blog about it? PsychCentral has blogs that you can have. Then you can vent away and not have anyone try to point out the flaws in your thinking and perceptions.

You keep putting words into people's mouths that don't exist. And you dismiss the words that everyone here is saying. You intentionally hunt down examples to reinforce your beliefs. Does it make you feel better about being lonely to place the blame completely on others and society at large?

The fact is that you don't have experience dating because you have never tried.

Yes, you were bullied. Yes, that does have a huge impact on your self-esteem. But you haven't done much to help yourself by not asking anyone else, not giving anyone a chance, and intentionally finding ways to reinforce your negative outlook. Does it mean that change is easy? No, but you have to want to make the change and then start trying things.

You count everyone who disagrees with you as being invalid, and the only valid opinions are the ones that you agree with. Honestly, that's a ridiculous way to view things - my opinions are JUST as valid as the opinion of someone who disagrees with me - because they are opinions.

Anyway, I really think that's the last I have to say to you. I've had to learn over the years than when someone insists on invalidating me, my opinions, and my experiences, then it's just not healthy to stick around. And if I am feeling this way, I'm probably not the only person who has backed away from you due to your persistent negativity.

I would like to hear of a specific event in your personal experience in which this occurred.

i myself have a few friends after high school who did date older guys, ended up married and are still married to this day. that was over 30 years ago. just a thought

Where'd you hear that. It's absolutely not true.

Here is what is true: Guys are expected to suck up as much attention as they can possibly get from attractive girls using any pretext they can come up with. Doing so signals to girls that you are a normal, red-blooded male. Operating under the premise that you subscribe to signals to girls that you seem to lack normal male initiative.

Females are programmed by nature to be attracted to men who show initiative. It helps them have faith that he will be a good provider to her and her future children.

Do not despair. Lots of males have trouble displaying the initiative I describe. And there are lots of girls who are willing to meet a shy guy more than half way. But unload this false theory that you have.

I have definitely encountered people in real life who expressed disdain for guys who date younger girls. One example, when I was in college, I once overheard a girl I knew who was about 21 talking to her friend about how creepy it was that a friend of hers was trying to hook her up with a 25 year old guy. Another example, one of my friends was dating a 19 year old when he was 26. He got **** for it. Actually, when my younger brother found out he was dating this girl, he started telling me about how he finds such age differences inappropriate because "he can take advantage of her". Even one of my previous therapists, while I was venting about this issue, snapped and confessed to me that when she was in college and her friends would be talking to guys 4-5 years older, she would worry about them.

If you have honestly not encountered this at all in your life, I am really surprised. If you are from a different generation however, that could explain it. In the past, there wasn't the same kind of stigma.

My s.o. is 17 years older than I am. No one seems to care. If they did, I wouldn't give a darn.

You can always find examples of some people objecting to just about anything. That's their problem, not yours. If you want universal acceptance and approval, I'm afraid life holds a ton of disappointment for you.

No, I don't want universal acceptance and approval. But it's not so much about individual people objecting as much as it is about the fact that most younger girls would judge me negatively for being interested in them.

If you're an attractive, appealing man, lots and lots of young women would be flattered by your interest. Would you say is simply not true.

How old are you? I mean, yeah, if you're over 60 y.o., then what you say is true. A five year difference is a big deal, if the girl is 14 and the guy is 19. One of them is a child. If the girl is 20 and the guy is 25, it's not a big deal, happens all the time, and few people care in the least.

One of my sisters is 54 and her husband is 60. My other sister is 59 and her husband is 64. You must not know many people.

I just read that the average age difference between husbands and wives in the USA is 2 to 6 years with greater differences being called "not unusual." I'm on a tablet, so I don't know how to paste my source.

Again - you will never know unless you ask someone out. Even if they turn you down, there is NO guarantee that your age is the reason why unless they explicately say so.

I am almost 27. I am talking mainly with regards to 18-22 year old girls. Right now, I am pretty sure that if I tried to approach an 18-20 year old girl, it would be considered creepy by the vast majority of people. If the girl is 21-22, it would be somewhat more acceptable, but still many people would have a problem with it. However, I think that in a year or two when I am in the "almost 30" range, the majority will see 21-22 year olds as also being inappropriate for me.

Why do you need to argue your point on Psych Central? What does that accomplish?

Come on Shadix. First you come on here like you're socially awkward with asking girls out and looking for advice. Then it turns out you're really looking to score with young girls (over 18 of course). Suddenly your picky about getting a younger girl on your arm to show off to your buddies. Call it what it is. Your not looking for a real relationship but some fun in the sun. So go for it if that's what you want. You don't need my approval but obviously other people in your life are giving you some grief.

You won't get any sympathy from me. My husband left me for a younger girl with two kids mind you (not his). He was having a midlife crisis I suppose. Whatever. She lasted a while and then he wanted to come back to me. You can imagine what I told him. ---This kind of thing happens all too often and THAT is why many people frown on the older man/younger girl combo. It's not just YOU, it's any man in the position of going after a young girl to make them feel young again. Are you really 26 experiencing this? It just sounds a little off to me. Good luck with the young'uns.

Anyone who is confused about the intolerance and prejudice I am referring to, please read this post. This is exactly what I am talking about.

Just a warning, I am going to rip your post apart one argument at a time in my upcoming reply. Your post so full of ignorance and veiled contempt. Very insulting. Just letting you know.

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Hey, go for it!! I'm glad to assist. You need to get your true feelings out there. Not meant to insult you. Sorry you feel that way. I'm not one to argue so don't look for a come-back.