[ArtCogito]

I've had luck with gathering worthwhile support, and even some well needed awareness raising on this site in the past, it seems only prudent, and safe to express this here.
I recently had a bit of a relapse. It never became violent, but I don't think I can safely say that it was not abusive. I expressed some private conversations about my ex, though it was done anonymously, I can't say I respect or am proud of anything I said. It was done in a moment of anger, and depression. the problem is that we haven't been together in a long time, i was a bit triggered by a recent event, but I should have reacted in a different manner. I would say that it's just some online comments, but I believe she may have read them. If she read them, it wouldn't take very much to figure out it was about her.
Saying it wasn't my intention doesn't cut it, if she read it at all the anonymity means nothing to me. I couldn't even read them the next morning, I had the site take my comments down.
It's been a few weeks, but I just keep feeling worse. I can't stop thinking of how awful she must feel. I wasn't graphic, it wasn't sexual, but it was personal, it could have been anyone's fight. But it was ours, I know it was our fight, i just lost it. I think for a moment I was proud that it wasn't Facebook, or twitter, or instagram, no names were given or titles or places, but still. None of those things matter, I had those feelings and should have, honestly, just not shared them! or called someone or wrote it in a journal.

I think that you are allowed to rant and if an online anonymous source was they way you went, then I say go for it. You are allowed to express youself and if you didn't outright call her out, then really it would be just speculation. Don't beat yourself up. We all have done something similar I'm sure and I think that you are probably creating your own stress due to it. If you let it go, it will blow over.

[Hexagram]

Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and move on.

[Agarwaen]

Originally Posted by ArtCogito

I've had luck with gathering worthwhile support, and even some well needed awareness raising on this site in the past, it seems only prudent, and safe to express this here.
I recently had a bit of a relapse. It never became violent, but I don't think I can safely say that it was not abusive. I expressed some private conversations about my ex, though it was done anonymously, I can't say I respect or am proud of anything I said. It was done in a moment of anger, and depression. the problem is that we haven't been together in a long time, i was a bit triggered by a recent event, but I should have reacted in a different manner. I would say that it's just some online comments, but I believe she may have read them. If she read them, it wouldn't take very much to figure out it was about her.
Saying it wasn't my intention doesn't cut it, if she read it at all the anonymity means nothing to me. I couldn't even read them the next morning, I had the site take my comments down.
It's been a few weeks, but I just keep feeling worse. I can't stop thinking of how awful she must feel. I wasn't graphic, it wasn't sexual, but it was personal, it could have been anyone's fight. But it was ours, I know it was our fight, i just lost it. I think for a moment I was proud that it wasn't Facebook, or twitter, or instagram, no names were given or titles or places, but still. None of those things matter, I had those feelings and should have, honestly, just not shared them! or called someone or wrote it in a journal.

There was a time when I used online friends as a means to vent about any and all things in my life. It didn't matter if the next day my views might be entirely different. It was written down. And used against me. All this before Facebook and all that stuff. Just IM's and e-mails. But once done you are at the mercy of those that you vented to.

I learned this the very hard way. People do not accept the 'Oh, I was just pissed that day' excuse. True as it might be. Whatever can injure, will.

It's very difficult posting on these forums. I am acutely aware that my privacy might be an illusion. So I have skirted many an issue or a topic simply because it was too dangerous.

As far as forgivable, having been through what I have, I would say yes. But how can I include myself? I was not on the other end.

[Luned]

I have done the same mistakes before, it was not found out about, but I felt extremely guilty about it and still do nowadays.
I can be too trusting of others sometimes.. the Internet does not forget anything, it is good to be careful what we share here and what not.
I think it is not good to beat yourself up over something like that though, but it is good to learn a lesson from it and move on.