[SkeletonHeart]

This has been going on for 6 years, with me and a certain man I love, I struggle to remember even the simplest of things, example, yesterday I couldnt even do the laundry right, made him so mad, he taught me three times in a row, and yet I couldnt remember how to do it, whats wrong with me? I always forget how to do somethings, if I was trying hard enough or put in more effort, they would say, then I wouldnt make so many mistakes. I black out while standing, but to others it looks like im spacing out, and I guess I am. I'm pretty easily distracted, making everyone upset around me. I trip on things even when theres nothing to trip on. I'm so clumsy. I feel so stupid, sometimes I think maybe everyone's lives be better if I was there, I cry so much, instead of doing something about it. I dont have high confidence in myself, even though he tells me im beautiful, I didnt believe him, I know I should but I dont see myself as anything. Sometimes my mind wanders to thinking what is my purpose in life. I'm anti social, my parents hardly let me go out much when i was younger. I'm negative against myself. My lover gave up on me and our relationship because I cried so much. I didnt defend him against my family, he felt alone, I wasnt there, now im just depressed, I dont know what I should do with myself, Just I feel so stupid, and dumb. sorry for the long paragraph.

[kaliope]

hi skeletonheart
it would be very beneficial to seek professional help. it has nothing to do with being stupid. mental healht has nothing to do with intelligence. some very smart people are afflicted with emotional issues. the not remembering could be frontal lobe issues. there is help for all this. seek it. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[sideblinded]

SkeletonHeart, Hello and welcome to PC.

I am glad that you joined us. I hear depression talking as you are not as you say "stupid". I agree with kaliope that professionl help would be a plus for you.

We are here for you should you need any help in navigating this site. Best wishes here at PC.

[SkeletonHeart]

Thanks, where would I go to for proffessional help? I always feel like a burden for everyone else, so im sorry if i am. especially since im trying to look for job but its seems so gloomy. but ty again for the hugs. makes me happy

Originally Posted by SkeletonHeart

I black out while standing, but to others it looks like im spacing out, and I guess I am.

You might want to get checked out to make sure you're not having an absence seizure, where you just space out for a few seconds, just to rule that out.

There are different kinds of seizures and just because you aren't having a Grand Mal doesn't mean you aren't having a seizure.

[divine1966]

Not remembering and blacking out could be seizures the ones that no one else could see. Go see a doctor internist and then neurologist do it ASAP

What you describe sounds as many of my students who do have seizures. See your doctor immidiately

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[SkeletonHeart]

I do thank you but I do not have a doctor, nor do I have money, currently trying to find job. buut again thank you.

[divine1966]

Are you in the U.S.? If yes I think you would qualify for some type health care? You can't remember anything and blacking out and can't even do simple task like laundry ( what's is there to know?). This isn't a joke. I hope you find ways to get medical advice very soon

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[Webgoji]

As everyone said, you're not stupid and getting some help with the blacking out and drifting off is really important. I will say one thing really, really concerned me though:

Originally Posted by SkeletonHeart

... example, yesterday I couldnt even do the laundry right, made him so mad, he taught me three times in a row, and yet I couldnt remember how to do it, whats wrong with me? I always forget how to do somethings, if I was trying hard enough or put in more effort, they would say, then I wouldnt make so many mistakes.

Did he tell you that you were doing the laundry wrong and that you needed to put in more effort? I may be wrong but when I hear about someone getting mad because a simple house chore was done "wrong" it immediately sounds mentally abusive. It's laundry, the only way to get it wrong that I know of is adding dirt. I doubt you are making mistakes in the way you're thinking and doubt you need to put in more effort.

Definitely find a doctor about the blacking out and memory loss. There are medical clinics and places that can help someone without insurance and such. Also, maybe talk with a therapist (again, there are centers that can work with you) to get some perspective.

[Bill3]

Regarding blacking out while standing: perhaps you have what is known as Postural Tachycardia Syndrome, or POTS. There was an article about POTS in the New York Times Magazine this month, here it is:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/0...t-solved/?_r=0

Does the patient in the article sound like you?

I too hope that you will discuss the blacking out with a doctor.

[issachar1]

You have taken the first step in reaching out and talking about your feelings. Continue to seek things that you know are your strengths and give yourself room for mistakes. I wish you all the best.

[healingme4me]

Welcome to PC,

Blacking out, standing up, sounds like you've something going on, with your physical health. I hope you can seek medical help.

What happened, when you'd forgotten how to do laundry? What was his reaction like?



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[SkeletonHeart]

I have done laundry several times, i keep doing it wrong, and waste energy. he got so mad at me, yelled at me and feels that im not putting in effort to remember to do things right. i cried that night but yea. thank you for all the kind advice.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by SkeletonHeart

I have done laundry several times, i keep doing it wrong, and waste energy. he got so mad at me, yelled at me and feels that im not putting in effort to remember to do things right. i cried that night but yea. thank you for all the kind advice.

Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are suffering what could be seizures or could also be a MH condition. I think the response of the person about the laundry is insensitive and inappropriate. They should be more compassionate and write down in clear writing what the steps are to do laundry or other tasks. Letting go of the guilt is important.

Many hospitals accept patients regardless of their ability to pay. There are also clinics.

There are many forums that may be of interest
http://forums.psychcentral.com

and articles that you can search for
www.psychcentral.com

after 5 posts Chat Room opens up if you are interested.

Feel free to private message me or any Community Liason (left click on their name to left of post, select Send Private Message to [name])

[StokesBill28]

You definitely need to have a doctor check to see what is going on. There are a lot of free and low cost medical clinics out there, check in your community to see what is avaialble in your area.

You are worth it! Give yourself permission to be a priority and get some help!

[CosmicRose]

You are not stupid, you might want to go get medically evaluated, they should preform an MRI scan on your brain to make sure there's not a medical cause for your blackouts and your forgetfulness. This does not sound like stupidity to me, it sounds like you need to be evaluated by a doctor, not a mental health doctor, a neurologist.

[SkeletonHeart]

Thnx for the kind advice.