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#1
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I met a guy we instantly liked eachother started spending all our time together ,talking all the time he said the i love yous all the time talked about the future. I was usuinv his phone to look something up and a notification for a dating site poppex up i clicked hed been tal no ng to other girls on there. I didn't tell him i saw the site and asked him if hes been cheating or seeing other girls or talkinv to thek. He said no baby i love you you mean the world to me id never do anyfhing to mess that up and a fon other messages like that.my friend made a profile and startex messaging him at the same time he was telling me all that and he was replying to her. He knows my past knows my medical problems and what alls haappened. I dont understand why or how he could do that. Ive never felt such a deep depressing sad overwhelming feelinv of loss stupidity anger hurt confusion and another feeling i cant describe its just empty blank. I feel so stupid i never should of let someone in like thaat its a mistake ill never make again. I dont know what to do i just feel so confused hurt and violated like my trust was stolen.
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![]() Bill3, hannabee, vital, ~Christina
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#2
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Part of me wants to juat run back to him and forget it part of me wants to just break down ball up and cry part of me wants to end his life or mine part of me is just like whatever dont care
Last edited by shezbut; Feb 28, 2015 at 02:27 AM. Reason: Administrative edit |
#3
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Hello susancook, relationships do need to be built on honesty and trust. Could these dating site messages be old messages from before you met? I would give him the opportunity to explain and if he can't be honest with you, it would not be worth staying with a dishonest person. I'm sorry you have been hurt.
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![]() Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
#4
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I felt similarly to how you feel...like I was a chump for dating this guy and I felt like a fool. But we are not chumps or fools...we just got involved with men who have issues...and who cheat! I would tell your guy what you found out and see what he says. But be prepared for more lies. At least you know who he is before you got too serious, like getting married. I am sorry you are going through this....it really hurts ![]()
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![]() Last edited by shezbut; Feb 28, 2015 at 02:28 AM. Reason: Administrative edit |
#5
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If he's hitting on your friend's profile and lying to you, that seems pretty definitive. At least you found out early and at least you've got at least one true blue friend. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for my species. Dogs and cats never do s**t like this. ![]() Last edited by shezbut; Feb 28, 2015 at 02:28 AM. Reason: Administrative edit |
![]() susancook911
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#6
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#7
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Oh my! I imagine you would like to believe him, but I don't think I would. You can do so much better and will find someone who has character and doesn't lie and cheat. I think you know in your heart what to do, but it can be really hard to let go of someone that we've grown attached to.
Like others said, at least you are not married to him with kids in the mix. Big hug for you. |
![]() susancook911
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#8
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![]() susancook911
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#9
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I just read this and thought it might be of some value to you! I hope so!
There are few things in life that feel worse than being rejected by someone, whether it’s a stranger, a new romantic interest, a longtime partner, your parent, sibling, or child, or a colleague at work. When someone discards us or ignores us or excludes us, it hurts like hell. So let’s talk about it. First of all, not everyone is going to like you, or me. That’s just reality. And you’ll never please everyone, nor do you want to try. It’s never good to chase love, approval, respect or worthiness; if these things are not offered freely, this is not a person with whom you want to be close. Because bending yourself or shaping yourself around some idea of what you think someone else wants you to be, is an absolute betrayal of self, and it will bring you nothing but heartache. You are who you are, and who you are is a unique, one-of-a-kind human being in a world of seven billion human beings. There’s not even one other person just like you, which is remarkable and miraculous. So there’s that. Here are other things: if someone does not return your call, your email, your feelings, they need to go in your “Not for me” file. They don’t need to go there with your contempt or bitterness, they just need to be put in that file, which you delete every time you fill it, because why would you carry around a drawer of people who don’t get you, see you, appreciate you, or deserve another ounce of your time or energy? I don’t say that in an angry way. Ideally you wish them well on their journey. You just don’t carry the weight of their opinions about you in a knapsack on your back. Life is too short for that. You have to like you. You have to be able to look yourself in the eye when you’re brushing your teeth at the end of the day. Now, that’s an approachable idea if we’re talking about a stranger, or someone you went out with once (basically, a stranger ![]() If we’re talking about your longtime partner, or someone with whom you’re in love, you’re in for a rough go for awhile. If you have doubts about whether you’re lovable, or about your worth or value, you’re now going to be in that highly uncomfortable place of feeling like those doubts are true, and your former lover has seen the truth of them. This is not generally what’s happening when a partner walks away from us. Sometimes, and this hurts, but sometimes, they just are not in love with us the way we’re in love with them. If that’s what you’re dealing with, as bad as it feels, they’ve done you a favor. Because you really deserve to be loved all the way, but you have to make space in your life to receive love like that. If you give the space to someone who doesn’t really have it for you, you’ve filled your dance card with a person who’s “just not that into you”, and I don’t know why you’d do that. Sometimes we fall into a very unhealthy dynamic with a person we feel we just never quite “have”, and we chase and run and dance like a monkey to get them to love us, until finally, they leave. Cut the time you play the monkey. You’re not a monkey, you’re a person. Trust that you’ll find the kind of love you want after you heal yourself and face those deep-rooted doubts. More of the time, people leave because they don’t like the person they’ve become during the course of the relationship. Maybe they’re just not happy with themselves, but they’re convinced finding a new partner will solve it. People have all kinds of crazy ideas sometimes. They think they’ll be happy if they find the “right house”, or “right job”, or “right person”, but if they aren’t happy with their true house (themselves), it doesn’t matter where they go or what they do, or with whom. The pain will travel with them. It is not your job to wait around hoping they’re going to figure that out, though. It’s your job to come back to yourself. To nurture yourself and to heal. When we really truly love people, we have to want for them what they want for themselves, and this includes leaving us, if that’s what they feel they need to do. Your job then is to open the door. Your job is not to block the door, throw yourself in front of it, or wrap yourself around their ankles. There’s only one person who really has to love you, accept you, see you, understand you, honor you and celebrate you, and that person is you. Is connection one of the best things in life? Absolutely. Warmth, love, affection? Yes. Being embraced with all your beauty and all your flaws? Of course. But do it for yourself, first, so you’re intimately acquainted with how that feels. That way you’ll recognize it when someone is feeling it for you, and you’ll be able to return it equally, too. Trust your pain. It will open you and strengthen you if you let it. And remember that no feeling is forever. Sending you love, and a giant hug, Ally Hamilton |
![]() susancook911
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#10
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![]() Bill3
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#11
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![]() Bill3
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