i really don't know what to do

there's this guy. i've already been out with him 3 times. none of those times even lasted a week. and he told me last night he likes me. and i kinda still like him. but i completely freak out in relationships. i can't even look at him without panicking. having a boyfriend was the most terrifying experience of my life and i've avoided it since. but he is a really nice guy and i don't wanna hurt him. he said sorry about a million times. he blames the last 3 times on himself because he has a problem with major mood swings and he was having a hard time with him family back them. i tried to tell him it wasn't him, it was me. but i couldn't explain how coz i don't know how to tell him about everything that goes on in my head. and since he's the only person that seems to care at the moment (my friends have been acting funny the past 2 weeks) i don't wanna scare him off. and i don't want last times to all happen again. but this time i know about his mood swings and he knows i have voices in my head that always tell me i'm doing everything wrong and that it'll never work. but he doesn't know the extent of it. and i don't know how to tell him. i would probably have to tell him for it to work, so he can understand. but i just don't think i can. help

-steph
xxx

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

At this point in the "new relationship" (the beginning) I do not feel as though you should tell him about every wound you hold or have had to work thru..... but rather try giving him a slight glimpse into your world / mind as to help him out with some understanding of what you are dealing with.

Save the heavy stuff for later on...... say maybe after the relationship has lasted 6 months or more.

Yeah I agree, its only early days, enjoy it and have fun. Having issues can be worrying, I was the same with my partner at the start. But as time goes on it becomes easier to talk to them. Good luck!

thanks for replying
i do try to have fun, i'm just too busy freaking out. and worrying i'm doing everything wrong. and getting so nervous i just wanna throw up.
any tips on how i can calm myself down??

-steph
xxx

Check out this link - here on PC....... concerning EMDR.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...t=1&PHPSESSID=

A book that helped me alot is The Wisdom of the Enneagram. It kind of helps you understand yourself and others better.

The book doesn't necessarily help with actual trauma in your past -- that's something to tackle with a therapist or close friend -- but it does help you get perspective on yourself and figure out what's "real." And also to figure out your dynamics with other people.

Mostly ... relax. Trust your intuition. Don't react to things too fast ... take your time and give yourself space. Enjoy the process of getting to know someone, and don't put so many expectations (positive and negative) on yourself and him.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nicole84 said:
Yeah I agree, its only early days, enjoy it and have fun. Having issues can be worrying, I was the same with my partner at the start. But as time goes on it becomes easier to talk to them. Good luck!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



One way to calm down a bit is to stop worrying about you and ask questions about the things that interest him, and then give your whole-hearted attention. Here is a little story about the magic of being a good listener.

I read an interview with the Duchess of York when she was very old, living in France. The Duchess of York was the American divorcee, Wallis Simpson, for whom King Edward, the current Queen Elizabeth's late uncle, gave up the throne of England, so that he could marry her. The King could not marry a commoner or a divorcee at that time.

The interviewer said that when the Duchess of York listened, she gave a man her whole attention -- even if he was only a reporter -- and made him feel like a king.

Now, imagine that -- There's this man who IS king, and he gives up the throne, because apparently this woman made him feelmore like a king than he did on the throne.

When we listen to others with our full attention, we are likely to lose a lot of our self-consciousnes.



Let us know how it goes.

i spoke to him last night (through msn messenger though coz i find it easier that way. i've never spoken about anything out loud) and he says he understands and he wants to help me through it. but i havn't seen him today so i dunno if it will have made anything any easier. i'll find out tomorrow in school though

-steph
xxx