Co-dependency and Detachment

I really have a problem. I am so codependent it's horrible. I love my husband, we haven't been married quite a year yet but I know that some of what I'm going through isn't healthy. When my husband and I got together, I had found that he had contacted another girl in his phone and I was devastated, he need I had issues and was hurt in the past...of course, he vowed to never do anything like that. He's a good looking guy, and he's dated a lot of people in the past where we currently live. He has a child to the worst person in the world, she's pure drama. I've had so many problems with her. She has made Facebook posts about me, lied about me, tried to split my husband and I both up numerous times. I get emotional and upset, I get mad at him because I feel like he's not intervening and handling her how he should. How can someone be so disrespectful to your wife and you just do/say nothing about it? She has done things like show up at our house, she shows up at his job numerous times a week, she calls and texts for things not pertaining to their child...I've thought about ending my marriage so many times, just because of her. When we fight, it's bad...name calling, things get broken, hurtful things are said. He lives and doesn't come home for hours or until the next day. I get mad at that, so on top of the issues we already have, I'm now mad that he was out all night doing whatever. He begs me to trust him, tells me to stop assuming. It's hard. I can't because I know what people are capable of...and when you tell me I'm fat, I don't know how to save money, your kids have different father's, you aren't a good wife, I would be better off without you...then why in the hell wouldn't I think you are out looking for someone better? I feel like he is only there when things are good...when they are bad he wants to bail on me. I'm so attached to him, I hate it. I really have no outside life, outside of kids and work. He told me last night he wants to start doing things with his friends, and for whatever reason, I don't like it. I need to change this, fix this...I really need help...this co-dependency is killing me...

hi pinkispretty
no it doesnt sound like a healthy relationship at all. he sounds very immature and you seem to lack trust in him. it sounds like you could benefit from some individual counseling to work on your issues and the two of you some couples counseling to work on communication skills and maybe even some coparenting classes to learn how to set boundaries with the ex. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

pinkispretty28, Hello and welcome to PC.

I am glad that you found us and came here to share. I was wondering if you could also go out to codependency meetings. These are 12 step programs. There are ways to start taking care of yourself without only looking to him for your self worth. You deserve better treatment and helping yourself would be a great way to learn better coping skills and also increase your self esteem. Couples counseling as mentioned by kaliope is also a great idea. Best wishes here at PC.

He enjoys getting attention from his ex girlfriend who had a child by him. His contact with her is going to continue. Don't blame her. It happens because he lets it.

Do you and he have a child together? If the answer is no, I would advise you to think seriously about getting out of this marriage. This is not a good marriage. I don't think he is capable of having a good marriage.

If you don't have a child by him, please consider making sure you don't get pregnant by him anytime soon. This is not a good situation to bring another child into.

I don't know what you mean by saying you are co-dependent. Sounds like you have very good reasons for not feeling happy living with this guy.