[insertname]

I feel like I'm constantly letting people down because I get stuck in my thoughts or become self absorbed.

I organised a walk for today but not many people had signed up and it didn't seem worth it in the end as it's a walk I would have preferred to do with a larger group, so last night I cancelled it. It was organised on FB, so I left a note on the page, then pressed cancelled on the event, then tried to go back to the event to send private messages to those who had signed up, but didn't realise FB deletes cancelled events so I couldn't.

I briefly thought about texting those whose names I knew were on the 'going' list, but there were reasons I thought they probably weren't going anyway, and I thought people would notice the stuff on Facebook - they would get a notification about the message I'd left.

Basically, I didn't think about it long enough, I was trapped in my own thoughts at the time, ruminating too much, and I just for some reason thought everything was fine.

So of course today I get an angry call from someone who was on a train to the walk. I apologised a lot and said I'd cancelled on FB and left a note to explain why and told him to charge me for his train tickets. He said I didn't need to pay because he was with a friend and they would go on a walk together instead, but he was still pretty angry about it and was saying that not everybody checks FB on a Friday night etc.

The reason I'm upset with myself isn't totally about the above event. It was an honest mistake and I haven't ruined his day or anything, he's got someone with him and they're having the walk anyway. I just feel like this is another example of me letting people down because I'm not 'with it' (which I rarely am) and I'm not thinking straight. For instance, I'm like 5-10 mins late for work everyday because I get trapped in my thoughts in the shower and end up in there too long, or I'm not concentrating when I put my alarm on and do it wrong so it doesn't wake me up. Or I'll be taking notes in meetings and then I'll lose the bit of paper with the notes on it and can't remember my actions. Or there's a couple of times I've been late for friends because I'm not with it.

Basically, I can tell that I'm never 100% 'awake' or in the moment, although I make a lot of effort to be (I meditate and try to practice mindfulness etc) and I know I'm forgetting things or not thinking straight and letting people down a lot.

I feel really trapped by this. I just want to wake up and stop ruminating and do my best.

[AnomalousCarrotCake]

Hi insertname. Sorry you're having a tough time of it lately, and feel like you're letting other people down. It sounds like you're having trouble doing the things you want to or need to, though, and maybe you need some additional help with figuring out why?

A few things in your post leaped out at me:

Originally Posted by insertname

"...Basically, I didn't think about it long enough, I was trapped in my own thoughts at the time, ruminating too much, and I just for some reason thought everything was fine."

"...I just feel like this is another example of me letting people down because I'm not 'with it' (which I rarely am) and I'm not thinking straight."

"...For instance, I'm like 5-10 mins late for work everyday because I get trapped in my thoughts in the shower and end up in there too long, or I'm not concentrating when I put my alarm on and do it wrong so it doesn't wake me up."

"...Or I'll be taking notes in meetings and then I'll lose the bit of paper with the notes on it and can't remember my actions. Or there's a couple of times I've been late for friends because I'm not with it."

"...Basically, I can tell that I'm never 100% 'awake' or in the moment, although I make a lot of effort to be (I meditate and try to practice mindfulness etc) and I know I'm forgetting things or not thinking straight and letting people down a lot."

Based on what you've written, it sounds like you're having trouble focusing, concentrating, and remembering things. You've said you don't feel awake and can't think straight.

All of this would make anyone have difficulty following through on things. You're also being hard on yourself -- which puts additional stress on you and can make focusing and remembering more difficult, too.

Maybe if you can discover why you're having trouble focusing, concentrating, and remembering it would help.

Do you remember when you first started having trouble? Looking back on what happened then may help you figure out why things changed. If it's become a regular, frequent issue then it may be you have some medical condition like sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, etc. affecting your ability to think straight during the day, and talking to a doctor could help you pinpoint if that's a cause. It can also be depression and other conditions, and talking to a therapist might help there.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time lately. I hope you find answers and you begin to feel better soon.

[insertname]

Originally Posted by AnomalousCarrotCake

Hi insertname. Sorry you're having a tough time of it lately, and feel like you're letting other people down. It sounds like you're having trouble doing the things you want to or need to, though, and maybe you need some additional help with figuring out why?

A few things in your post leaped out at me:


Based on what you've written, it sounds like you're having trouble focusing, concentrating, and remembering things. You've said you don't feel awake and can't think straight.

All of this would make anyone have difficulty following through on things. You're also being hard on yourself -- which puts additional stress on you and can make focusing and remembering more difficult, too.

Maybe if you can discover why you're having trouble focusing, concentrating, and remembering it would help.

Do you remember when you first started having trouble? Looking back on what happened then may help you figure out why things changed. If it's become a regular, frequent issue then it may be you have some medical condition like sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, etc. affecting your ability to think straight during the day, and talking to a doctor could help you pinpoint if that's a cause. It can also be depression and other conditions, and talking to a therapist might help there.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time lately. I hope you find answers and you begin to feel better soon.

Thank you. I'm not actually having as much of a difficult time as I used to! I'm feeling pretty good compared with my history

I can't remember when the overthinking started - maybe about 7 years ago. It gets worse when I'm upset. The feeling 'out of it' and difficulty focusing is largely to do with being consumed with racing thoughts, many of which I can't really remember. It goes away when I'm around people/engaged in a meaningful conversation, although this does not happen often, so I've largely put it down to isolation. Being 'locked inside' is something I've done since I was a kid - I've always been really in my own head - so I think it's partly my personality, but friends have pointed out my daydreaming gets more rampant when I'm under a lot of stress. I'm probably avoiding more stress by escaping into my own head.

Thanks for your reply, I'm looking at ways to keep myself in the moment more often (mindfulness practice) and trying to convince myself to socialise more. I need to find ways to see my life in a more meaningful way and feel more connected to it, I think, which is largely about not sitting about on my own all the time but going outside, seeing other people, doing things.