[Shadix]

There is this girl I have been seeing at the gym for a while now. She appeared to be of the same ethnic group as me and she seemed to be looking in my directions on a several occasions. I eventually realized I think she's kinda cute. One day her and her friend happened to be working out in the same multipurpose room I was in. She asked if it would be ok for them to put on some music, and I said sure. I then took the opportunity to ask her if she was from my ethnic group, turned out she wasn't, but close. The next time I saw her after that, we didn't say anything to each other. But then another time, I ran into her into the multipurpose room again, and she was apologizing for the loud music. I took the opportunity to ask her something about the types of music she was listening to. We talked briefly and she was really friendly. But again, next time I saw her she didn't say hi to me or anything. But another time I saw her working out with her friend and I said hi how's it going. She said hi back to me and was friendly when I asked her about where a piece of equipment was. But then after that I saw her 3 more times and she walked by me without acknowledging me or anything. Today she was literally RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME putting back a piece of equipment and she totally ignored me.

So I am really confused about what I should be doing. I can't help but feel like I am being rude and unfriendly when I pass by her and don't say anything, despite the fact that she didn't say anything either. But do I really keep talking to a girl who just ignores me? But she could just be shy and socially awkward, right? See, this is the problem with the whole feminist taboo against approaching uninterested girls, you can never really tell if a girl is uninterested or just shy. Things would be so much easier if approaching girls was just always acceptable.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Shadix,

Here's my personal opinion on this, although others may differ.

Even if you feel she is ignoring you, just say "Hi" at least when you see her, that way there can be no confusion as to who is ignoring who - you are doing the minimum of acknowledging her presence; whether or not she chooses to respond; this is a matter of her personal decision.

If she in turn acknowledges your presence feel free to have a conversation etc.

And take it from there.

[Shadix]

One thing I should point out, last time I talked to her, I actually looked directly at her at first and didn't say anything right away, and she didn't ackowledge me. Then when I said hi she replied and was friendly. So it is very confusing. It almost seems like she has the same issue as me where I often am confused as to when it is appropriate to say hi and when it is just awkward.

[~Christina]

Im going to vote for just go outta your way to say "Hey how are you doing " thats a conversation starter. A simple " Hi" often just turns into a dead end.. When most anyone tossing me a " Hi " I typically toss back a single word , hi or hey... But ask me a question I'm much more likely to actually have a conversation.

If you toss her a " hey how are you" and she starts talking with you.. Great ! Why not ask her if she'd like to go out for a coffee after a work out...

You have nothing to lose because right now your just worried about should you say "hi" or not and all that is doing is walking yourself into a corner in a holding pattern.

The saying "Shyt or get off the pot "comes to mind or "keep cutting bait or just go fish"

Sure your going to find this maybe impossible to do , but seriously you have nothing to lose with this girl, you don't know anything about her other than she goes to your gym you have seen her here and there you say hi's off and on.

Life is short take a chance , this won't kill you I promise. Don't over complicate things by all this second guessing nonsense.

Good luck

[where.ever.you.are.]

Hey Shadix!

It's not unacceptable for a man to approach a woman! Who told you that? As long as it's in a non-threatening and NON CREEPY manner. After all, you wont know if you don't try, right? I think what hardcore feminists are trying to say is that you shouldn't approach a random women with obvious intentions of sleeping with her. It makes us women feel uncomfortable. I dont like when guys come on too strong. It irritates me.

Just because she doesnt always say hi doesnt necessarily mean she's ignoring you. And just because she's nice to you, does not mean she's flirting with you.

If you want to get to know her, then there's no harm in asking her out. You can ask her if she would like to have dinner with you sometime. If she says yes, then get her number so you guys can plan a date. If she says no, for whatever reason and with whatever excuse, then dont push it any further.

Hope this helps!

[Shadix]

Another thing I should point out, she is probably like 18-20(I overheard her talking about college and she looks younger than 21). I am almost 27.

[divine1966]

There is no feminist taboo and yes it is acceptable to approach anyone as long as it is not in a rude or threatening manner. Her age makes no difference either as long as she is legal age.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[A Red Panda]

If there was a taboo against men approaching women then there would be very few relationships. If anything, society's going towards erasing the past habit of women NOT being able to approach men. It's working towards a two-way street.

You'll never know her thought process on that unless you try to ask her out. You'll never know her age unless you ask her. Appearances can in fact be totally decieving - I've met people who I thought were older than I was but turned out they were 5+ years YOUNGER than me. I've also had people think I was much older than I am, and people who think I'm much younger than I am.

And just because she mentioned college doesn't mean she's in her first year. I was in university from the ages 20-25. None of those ages would have stopped me from dating someone who was 27.

It's not like you need to ask her out straight away either. Just try to have a slightly more substantial conversation. If you over hear her say anything about college, ask her about it.

[HockingPastryChef]

I like all the comments.

Work on starting more conversations. She maybe shy, I know it took me while to adjust talking to a guy I thought was cute when I use to be a lot more shy. Although even now the more I like a guy that I don't know too well the more shy I do become.

I admit a lot of times I approach the guy first especially when he is shy himself.

[Middlemarcher]

I agree that you won't know if you don't ask.

It's possible that she has a boyfriend. When I'm at the gym and guys talk to me, I'll respond and be friendly. But I don't initiate contact with them. I also do my best to try to keep the conversations short and send off "I'm taken" signals, while still being polite.

[toolman65]

If she was interested she would not ignore you multiple times.

Women give out signals that they want to be approached. Eye contact, proximity, grooming and posture are basic signals.

If she is not looking at you, not moving to be near you, not playing with her hair and is slouching then she is not interested.

Be friendly, but don't expect anything.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by toolman65

If she was interested she would not ignore you multiple times.

Women give out signals that they want to be approached. Eye contact, proximity, grooming and posture are basic signals.

If she is not looking at you, not moving to be near you, not playing with her hair and is slouching then she is not interested.

Be friendly, but don't expect anything.

But what if she is just shy? How can you be so sure that all girls show interest in the same way or even show interest at all? Personally, when I like a girl, I try really hard to not give her the impression I am interested because I don't want to make things awkward. But like I said, I have noticed her looking in my direction before.

I don't really like the whole "women send out signals" thing. I find that it implies men are responsible for reading women and only approaching them when we know they are interested. That is the type of behavior that feminists like to promote because it limits our ability to pursue women we like. Instead we are limited to the women whom we know from school or work or friends or online dating sites.

We are not mind readers and should not be expected to know when someone is interested in us before we've even talked to them. Not to mention, often times women are not interested in a guy initially but become interested after getting to know him.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

But what if she is just shy? How can you be so sure that all girls show interest in the same way or even show interest at all? Personally, when I like a girl, I try really hard to not give her the impression I am interested because I don't want to make things awkward. But like I said, I have noticed her looking in my direction before.

I don't really like the whole "women send out signals" thing. I find that it implies men are responsible for reading women and only approaching them when we know they are interested. That is the type of behavior that feminists like to promote because it limits our ability to pursue women we like. Instead we are limited to the women whom we know from school or work or friends or online dating sites.

We are not mind readers and should not be expected to know when someone is interested in us before we've even talked to them. Not to mention, often times women are at not interested in a guy initially but become interested after getting to know him.

What's is all this about feminists? New topic....first blaming some mysterious age police now feminists...none is real issue

Listen if You like the girl just ask her out. You first said this girl isn't interested but now you argue with people that she is. Just find out. Don't base your life on opinions of people whom you don't even know. Why waste energy arguing with us when you could spend time possibly dating this girl?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

What's is all this about feminists? New topic....first blaming some mysterious age police now feminists...none is real issue

Listen if You like the girl just ask her out. You first said this girl isn't interested but now you argue with people that she is. Just find out. Don't base your life on opinions of people whom you don't even know. Why waste energy arguing with us when you could spend time possibly dating this girl?

Precisely because no one is a mind reader you should just ask her

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[toolman65]

Originally Posted by Shadix

But what if she is just shy? How can you be so sure that all girls show interest in the same way or even show interest at all? Personally, when I like a girl, I try really hard to not give her the impression I am interested because I don't want to make things awkward. But like I said, I have noticed her looking in my direction before.

I don't really like the whole "women send out signals" thing. I find that it implies men are responsible for reading women and only approaching them when we know they are interested. That is the type of behavior that feminists like to promote because it limits our ability to pursue women we like. Instead we are limited to the women whom we know from school or work or friends or online dating sites.

We are not mind readers and should not be expected to know when someone is interested in us before we've even talked to them. Not to mention, often times women are not interested in a guy initially but become interested after getting to know him.

Men are responsible for making the approach.

Is it fair? Does it matter?

Stop all this bs about the way things should be.

Women give out signals via body language. Men pick up on those signals (or lack of) and proceed accordingly.

Either accept those rules or stay out of the dating world.

If you think she is interested in you then you must be the one to break the ice.

Protesting about how unfair it is won't change anything.

All your ENDLESS arguing and complaining merely turns people off.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Shadix

But what if she is just shy? How can you be so sure that all girls show interest in the same way or even show interest at all? Personally, when I like a girl, I try really hard to not give her the impression I am interested because I don't want to make things awkward. But like I said, I have noticed her looking in my direction before.

I don't really like the whole "women send out signals" thing. I find that it implies men are responsible for reading women and only approaching them when we know they are interested. That is the type of behavior that feminists like to promote because it limits our ability to pursue women we like. Instead we are limited to the women whom we know from school or work or friends or online dating sites.

We are not mind readers and should not be expected to know when someone is interested in us before we've even talked to them. Not to mention, often times women are not interested in a guy initially but become interested after getting to know him.

Seriously Dude, You are making this 99.9% harder than it would ever need to be. You have nothing to lose , nothing! Start a conversation , if you get past 15 words just ask her out for coffee, she says yes or no. At least you can then stop the worries about .. what does she? why do you think she? why would she?

I know you have this whole " age society" life hurdle, So if you let it in the drivers seat you will always find a reason that you cant do XYZ in the dating /relationship world. So just resign yourself to life alone, get a cat or 3 and find lots of hobbies to fill up all the hours.

I'm not being mean, I'm just being blunt.. You will never learn to swim until you stop just dipping your toes in the water and jump in the pool.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by toolman65

Women give out signals via body language. Men pick up on those signals (or lack of) and proceed accordingly.

But that isn't necessarily true. Women do not necessarily show it when they are interested in men. And again, many times women only become interested in a guy after they get to know him. So what sense does it make for a guy to stay away just because a girl isn't interested in him before meeting him?

Men should be allowed to approach women regardless of whether they are interested or not. If women have a problem with a man speaking to them they should wear a veil or stay home.

[Middlemarcher]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Men should be allowed to approach women regardless of whether they are interested or not. If women have a problem with a man speaking to them they should wear a veil or stay home.

Women will pick up on that sense of entitlement and lack of respect for boundaries and run the other direction. I would suggest that many of your problems would be helped by seeing women as people first, and romantic conquests second.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

Women will pick up on that sense of entitlement and lack of respect for boundaries and run the other direction. I would suggest that many of your problems would be helped by seeing women as people first, and romantic conquests second.

What are you talking about? I am simply saying that it should be acceptable for men to approach women. How is that a sense of entitlement? A sense of entitlement would be someone thinking that they should only be approached by the people they happen to think are cute. If I am in public, anyone has the right to talk to me. Why should a special restriction be put in place when it's men talking to women? Because women are fragile princesses and need special rules to protect them from bring annoyed?

[Shadix]

Something I should point out, I am not even talking about asking this girl out. I am just talking about saying hi and talking to her when I see her. I even do that with guys I know at the gym. But I am confused as to whether I should even be doing that because of the way she is acting. Asking her out would come later after I get to know her a bit. I actually don't even know her name.

[Middlemarcher]

It is the phrase "regardless of whether they are interested or not" that signals entitlement and lack of respect for boundaries.

The fact that I am "in public" does not mean that anyone, man or woman, has the right to talk to me.

[Middlemarcher]

By the way, I see nothing wrong with your talking to her or asking her out, unless it becomes clear that she does not want that.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

It is the phrase "regardless of whether they are interested or not" that signals entitlement and lack of respect for boundaries.

The fact that I am "in public" does not mean that anyone, man or woman, has the right to talk to me.

So you are suggesting we read women's minds and only approach them if they are interested?

[Middlemarcher]

Nope. See my reply above. I have no objection to you talking to this girl.

It may be that we're simply miscommunicating. I am saying that if someone clearly signals or states that they are not interested in engaging with someone, then that second person does not have the right to keep talking to that person. You may agree.

Edit: I replied before you edited your post above. I'm leaving my reply as is.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

Nope. See my reply above. I have no objection to you talking to this girl.

It may be that we're simply miscommunicating. I am saying that if someone clearly signals or states that they are not interested in engaging with someone, then that second person does not have the right to keep talking to that person. You may agree.

Yeah I agree there, but before you talk to someone you have no indication that they aren't interested. With regards to this girl, even after talking to her I still cannot tell if she is interested or not. Her ignoring me points more to her being socially awkward than it does to her not being interested. I know that because I could see myself not saying hi to a girl I like out of sheer social awkwardness. There are many situations where I just get confused about whether it is the right time to say hi or if it is just awkward.