[Yismymindblank12]

My friend she believes,

I am in a fantasy land.

I am a compulsive liar.

I am dissociated from reality and mindfulness of others.

She doesn't believe I am trans for good reasons.

She believes I want to be a girl to gain more attention.

I go about it the wrong way.

It's sad and no one has the guts to tell me.

From facing this. Should I kill myself? I think it's logical not that as I feel threatened or challenged or feel inferior.

I am crazy and I don't belong here.

She's right, she's known my behaviors she believes I should go about my life better.

She's right, my mother never gives me attention, my friends do in person never anywhere else.

Gfs I've dated gave the wrong attention. She knows I deserve the best, am I guilty why do I feel guilty.

Is it the pain I've caused, is it my lack of understanding. I chose to isolate myself.

I practice starvation as a form of punishment and self discipline. I treat myself like ****, I'm slipping at starving.

I go so far for someone to love me I'd kill myself now for it.

This post might make people mad hate me or disgust of me. I feel like its all I'm am.
I change my behaviors and idk that I'm crazy and or a compulsive liar/narcissist.

There maybe something good deep down or not in me.

My expectations are wayy unreasonable and or unrealistic. I currently don't understand it.

The simple fact, these are the reasons I can't relate to anyone on here. Not by choice or maybe idk. I never know the answer attention or no attention idk what to do.

She's given me enough reason. I should stop eating entirely. I don't need attention. I am going to die, Midas well just let everyone not find out till afterwards.

I can't do this anymore.

[Yismymindblank12]

I feel bad for feeling.

I want to drink to **** myself up to shut up everyone

She said the voices in my head are a problem and that I need help lots of it.

Do I need lots of help should I be locked away forever, **** she's told me how ****** I am.

I'm nothing special I'm just a compulsive liar who hides how much crap I am, and that people should feel pity and shouldn't kill myself but be normal.

So if I'm normal, will I be happy.

What she wants me to be sounds horrible.

Rather I decided to say **** everything now and I am going to fight all urges to eat I have medications for past mental health appointments long ago. I kept on to. That kill my appetite even further. ****, I say this like I'm proud in her words like I'm going to look like ghandi so it's all a joke. Everyone should hate me everything I say is a lie. Slit my throat and just ****ing die already because I am just not deserving ****. I got everything I've ever wanted, I need to not be accepted I need to have something bad caused unto me unintentionally then people will take care of me in her words.

I don't want anyone I'm ****ed up. I'm a joke, I hate you I ****ing hate you. I ****ing ****ing hate your mirror the way you look back at my face she's right I deserve what I put in.

It's settled lets get to business and die. You know attention seeking *****s like me deserve hell. I deserve hell I don't suffer like any of you I deserve hell. ****ing hell. Burn me for suicide, I hope everyone hangs me from a tree people hurt me and make bleed mutilate my dead body in disgrace.

If this is my life, hell welcomes me. I sinned in my previous life this life is my personal hell. I must die here imprisoned for eternity. Dying over and over again. Reliving this current hell.

Madness too my mind to this realization my corpse will rot. I'll be back dying pushing the inevitable. I'm just a tool a toy not a person will feelings or heart. I'm dead blackened by the hatred that others put upon me as the monster that breathes if I die by them it rather be me.

**** what you want you never wanted me. I'll go die like the **** I am without your help.

[KathyM]

Your friend does not sound like someone you should die for. Punishing yourself does not satisfy others. Restricting your food and increasing your pain will not make people care - not even strangers. It won't teach them a lesson either or force them to love you. That's your job - love (AND care) for yourself.

You're a beautiful person. We all have flaws, beauty marks, and sometimes move in mysterious ways.

I am a compulsive liar who hides how much crap I've been through as well. I understand how you are feeling. But don't give up on yourself.

You ARE worth fighting for. Fight for yourself with all that you have.

[Yismymindblank12]

I didn't want to die for her, I am just tired feeling like what she says.

I don't like to be in some boring lonely life and I don't understand much about my feelings so she doesn't believe anything I say. She is those types of people I user to see in my therapy the psychologist therapist and social worker tell me how I need to be in reality I'm not special and I am causing my own problems.

[Yismymindblank12]

It's being told the"truth" by what they perceive either they are too close to me or I unintentionally pushed on them things that made them feel like that about me.

If I suffered worse , they'd won't leave me alone. I wont reach their expectations of they have for me. When I do believe them I destroyed the relationship and it's because I don't know I am not realizing my thoughts aren't normal or my life and expectations.

I should live my life, but everyone wants me to be something whatever it us. I am talking about people I am close to tell me these things.

Rather I hate them not because they don't support me, it's being discriminated and shunned for being me. My expectations for relationships are extremely unrealistic and in their words I am the craziest ****ed up person ever. They can't explain to me how ill never understand how messed up I am being forced to believing making myself believe this bs

So I just don't belong here.

I don't belong on this planet. I'm not feeling sorry. They're right I'm too sexual and act like every other guy I'm not special I'm not different my life is a joke.
"
I'm sorry I'm not trying to be mean I'm just saying. "

According to her

So I am not going to talk to her anymore
And I won't eat, I don't feel like I am valued no matter what relationship. I am the one who should feel guilty. I dont believe or dont know which is true. My life feels like a lie and rather I just want to quit my job now while I'm at work. Just focus on not eating just forget it all.

It's not like I want to be old or living my life some other way from another so let me be and shut me out.

I dont want attention from this ***** I am. I can't put into words what to feel now or how prove you are wrong that I just don't know anything.

Like my sister and friends believed I was mentally challenged.

No relationship is worth anything. I make my own happiness if I don't eat for self control. So be it I'm content.