[Loyaltomysoil]

I've been dating what I consider to be my first love for seven months now. In the beginning he would drive down to see me (he lives 45 minutes away from me) and we would go out and do normal things couples do. Three months ago he came out to me that he has anxiety, he doesn't want to meet my family and can't drive anymore to see me due to his anxiety so I take the bus up to see him. He's been really distant lately and has told me he needs time to figure his problems out. I'm hurt because I'm the only one whom he confided his anxiety issues to, not even his family knows, and he's been pushing me away ever since. I know he needs time but I invested so much love into this im hurt that he can't love me the same and I'm worried he never did. He did a complete 360 on me. He's also worried about me cheating on him due to his past girlfriend cheating on him twice. I feel like he acquired anxiety from that. Is that possible? His mother also cheated on his father. He doesn't want to seek help because he says a therapist is expensive. What can he do to get better on his own? Did the anxiety make him lose love for me? He told me he would regret losing me for the rest of his life but he's making no effort whatsoever to talk to me. What do I do. I can't lose him to this I love every piece of him. Please help me he's not the man I fell in love with anymore. Could it be me?

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC) Loyaltytomysoil. Sorry to hear you are in a relationship with someone with anxiety and jealousy. This can really make maintaining relationships difficult. Many people here at PC have challenges so they understand how difficult that can be.

Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them sort out the roots of their life. Some people use the forums and chat as a way to express their inner turmoil and find people of like mind.

There are articles that go into more detail about coping
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[Idler]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

In terms of going to a therapist, depending on what country you live in there are a number of resources to make it more affordable.

I'm only familiar with the US - that said, you can always ask about sliding scales. Both of the therapists I've gone to offer them. If he's a college student, then schools will often have free resources for students.

But if he doesn't want to go to a therapist - if it's about more than just cost - then there's not much you can do.

I'm sure I won't be the only person to advise this, but your first priority should be to take care of yourself regardless of what he chooses to do.

[Bill3]

When you take the bus to see him, you are allowing him to avoid facing his anxiety.

What he needs to do to get better is face the fears. He needs to do what he fears, not withdraw from it. A therapist can help with that. But if he isn't willing to face fears (e.g. by meeting your family) or ask for help, I'm not sure what can be done.

[healingme4me]

From experience, once the 'is it me' line of wondering begins, it's 9 out of 10 times, them. Closer to 10 out of 10, but I digress. My T would remind me, to ask myself, am I truly being unreasonable here? What is it I fear? Would example about how there's a mindset of the earth shattering if the other party was out of the question and also say, he'd really worry about me if I swore off men, completely. Actually to that last one, and I quote, 'I'd say, healingme4me, we really need to talk.'

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Loyaltomysoil, if you are truly in love with your boyfriend, do not let him go. Hold onto him as he is fighting his battles. There have been many times in the past when I experienced difficult mental issues and I hid it all from my boyfriend and even pushed him away. But he never gave up on me and everything that happened made our relationship stronger in the end. So fight for him and the relationship. If you have provided him support and love all along in the past 7 months it may NOT be your fault at all so do not hastily blame yourself. It may just be that he is afraid to open up to you. Google different support groups in your city and you will likely find free resources somewhere, if you think this may help. Colleges usually offer free counseling as well, if either of you are in college.

[kaliope]

hi loyaltomysoil
this has nothing to do with you or his love for you. anxiety is an aweful thing and you have to realize that he trusted you greatly by revealing his anxiety to you. i suffer from massive anxiety so i can completely make sense of what is happening. when the relationship was new, he hid the anxiety to impress you and i am positive he was suffering every minute. after he got to know you he trusted that you would understand. he needed relief. he could not go on with the anxiety he was suffering making that drive and such. again, it has nothing to do with you. it is all in his head so to speak. if he wants to get over it bad enough he will pay to find counseling. there are workbooks for anxiety that are good. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[avlady]

i agree with all above. you have to realize he has to do something for himself first, not you. you can help him get help somehow, see a doc and t, there are clinics in most places, that are either free or cheap. school counselors too. anxiety is hard to deal without help and he needs to learn skills to combat it. it is not you, it is himself, and up to himself to get the help he desperately needs. i wish both of you well.

[Lackadaisical.me]

Originally Posted by Loyaltomysoil

I've been dating what I consider to be my first love for seven months now. In the beginning he would drive down to see me (he lives 45 minutes away from me) and we would go out and do normal things couples do. Three months ago he came out to me that he has anxiety, he doesn't want to meet my family and can't drive anymore to see me due to his anxiety so I take the bus up to see him. He's been really distant lately and has told me he needs time to figure his problems out. I'm hurt because I'm the only one whom he confided his anxiety issues to, not even his family knows, and he's been pushing me away ever since. I know he needs time but I invested so much love into this im hurt that he can't love me the same and I'm worried he never did. He did a complete 360 on me. He's also worried about me cheating on him due to his past girlfriend cheating on him twice. I feel like he acquired anxiety from that. Is that possible? His mother also cheated on his father. He doesn't want to seek help because he says a therapist is expensive. What can he do to get better on his own? Did the anxiety make him lose love for me? He told me he would
regret losing me for the rest of his life but he's making no effort whatsoever to talk to me. What do I do. I can't lose him to this I love every piece of him. Please help me he's not the man I fell in love with anymore. Could it be me?

Every time I confined with someone I became intimate with I would withdrawal from them. All the negative thoughts I have about myself, I thought they could see and that made feel ashamed, weak, scared, venerable, causing me to withdrawal and push them away. I never told them how it made me feel...knowing they knew my secret.
Please. Don't blame yourself or let him shift the blame on you.