Pushing away boyfriend because of stress

I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man for almost a year now. He's my first real relationship(I'm 22) and he honestly means the world to me. Unfortunately due to financial/family circumstances he had to move back to his home state so we're currently long distance. We talk everyday though and skype. He's coming back in a couple months too.

About a month ago my dad got a second heart attack and was hospitalized. They were telling me he had a big chance of not even making it through his first night there. Thankfully he's doing better, but is still expected to be in rehab/therapy for a couple months. My dad just had his first heart attack a couple months before that. It's like my life went spiraling down since that day. My mom passed away a year before that so I am still feeling sad about that, but I was finally starting to get over it. During my dad's first heart attack, we had been asked to move out of our nice house since the owner wanted to sell. He didn't give us much time and we ended up moving into an overpriced tiny apartment. I also had to drop out of college and work full time to support my dad which killed me at the time and caused me to get bitter about my whole life.

My boyfriend has been nothing, but supportive and helpful to me during all this. It's just lately I'm finding myself not being able to talk much to him...it's like he'll call me and I will have absolutely nothing to say. This happened a little bit before my dad had his second heart attack(he was on and off hospitalized before this as well) I know that it's not that I lost interest in him or I'm not in love with him anymore, but it's just like my emotions are all over the place. He kept insisting to come and take care of me, but I made him promise not to. I just don't think I can handle anyone near me right now. It's like I'm shutting out everyone including him. He'll say the sweetest things to me on the phone and I can't even come up with a response lately. I feel like my head is all over the place with thoughts. I'm worried this is going to make him feel like I lost interest in him. I'm also having a slightly short temper with him. He keeps insisting he doesn't notice it when I go to apologize after, but I know he's just being kind. I feel pretty awful...I just want to feel that strong spark again about him or anything for that matter, but it's like I'm feeling dead inside. Even when things were going wrong, I used to look forward to talking to him. But now it's like I'm even pushing him away. I don't want to sink this relationship, but it's almost draining for me to come up with a conversation or doing anything kind for him like he does for me.

Are you currently seeking counseling? I ask because it's as though so many stressors tossed into a small amount of time, mum, dad, school, that the 'feel dead inside' description sounds like depression seeping through. As lovely as your boyfriend may be, it's unfair and not his responsibility to guide you through something so strong.



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I strongly encourage counseling. Especially as your boyfriend is not physically beside you right now, it would be helpful to have someone to speak to face to face. Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful guy. I have been in a similar situation as you by pushing my boyfriend away due to my own depression and no fault at all on his part. I eventually asked for help and got it, and it not only saved me but also my relationship that I was going to let go of thinking it was too much to take... Best wishes for your father, yourself and your boyfriend. Keep on thinking about the fact you'll see him again in a couple months. That's exactly what I'm doing right now (long distance for past year out of 4 year relationship).