[sunshine0331]

I have recently been put into a horrible situation by my boyfriend and family where I am forced to choose between them. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and he makes me happier than I have ever been. However, my family believes that he is verbally abusive to me occasionally and that I deserve so much better. They also think that he is irresponsible, but I don’t mind handling things such as bills and car upkeep etc. because I am perfectly capable. My dad and brother specifically have issues with him and feel that he is disrespectful. But my boyfriend has recently been making much more of an effort to do things with them and get to know them better because he knows it makes me happy. Unfortunately, the other night he and I had gotten in a fight and I asked him to come over (I live at home) so we could work it out. He was being somewhat annoying and asking me to do lots of things for him like give him a back massage and get him drinks (but I was not responding to his demands because I knew he wasn’t really serious). My brother had enough of listening to him talk to me like that and told him to leave. My boyfriend then insulted my brother and things became physical to the point where my dad had to get involved. The situation only got worse from there as my boyfriend was ranting about what just happened and how my brother needs to control himself. He then said something inflammatory to my dad and suddenly another fight broke out. Eventually I got him to leave my house, but he came back and the police were called at which point he left for good. My parents have now given me an ultimatum that it is obviously my choice what I want to do, but if I choose to be with him I can move out. I am so torn because I love my boyfriend more than anything and we were planning to get married, but I also love my family. I see no chance of recovering from this to the point where my dad especially will ever be accepting of my boyfriend. Please, any advice is welcome because I honestly don't know what to do or how I can fix this situation. Thank you.

[kelly8896]

I’m not sure how old you are, but your boyfriend sounds very immature and disrespectful. Are you paying his bills and keeping his car kept up? He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own stuff. It sounds like you are being his mother, not his girlfriend. Get me this or give me that, NO. This is completely disrespectful, even if he is joking. He shouldn’t be acting that way in front of you folks. You are not his slave and more so, not his mommy.

Have you spoken to him about your father and brother’s views on him being disrespectful? He should be trying to set a good example especially in front of your parents. Showing them that he is responsible, kind, caring, and would do anything for you. Going out of his way to impress your folks and you.

Your parents were your age once, they made many mistakes and learned from those mistakes. Maybe you need to learn from yours, or consider listening to them. They have many more experiences to draw from.

If you want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend, maybe a serious sit down discussion should take place. Expressing what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. Ask yourself what you want out of a long lasting relationship and partner? Is he going to be able to give you that?

Good luck!

[avlady]

i think your boyfriend is irresponsible and immature too. you deserve better, i would try to talk to him too, and tell him you will not put up with his abuse anymore, if he is verbally abusive like you mentioned. i know it is hard but it must be done so you can get on with your life, with or without him.

[Trippin2.0]

If my daughter ever has a bf like that I would feel and behave much like your family, you best believe that.


I also had a crappy bf when I was younger, my family hated him, warned me against him, and low and behold they were right.


He turned out even crappier than expected, but I wont get into that now.


One thing to consider for the future is this, when you two move in together and have kids, be willing to pay for even more shyt than his car and bills.


Because that my dear will be your reality.


I also had the "I don't mind" mindset, because I was working he wasn't or whatever. But I wasn't seeing the bigger picture, guess maybe I was too young back then, all I know now is, I would never have been happy to stay, even we didn't end in such a fiery ball of flames.

[healingme4me]

What types of drinks , is my first thought.


Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[ChipperMonkey]

Families are for life.....that is, you only get one mom, one dad, and one set of siblings (aside of steps and such, but the bonds there are only thru marriage). Chances are this guy isn't the guy you'll be with for life. AND, if you want to be a part of both of their lives, I'd find a boyfriend who gets along with your family. I think that a lot of people ignore the family factor when they get married, but I would never marry into a family that hated me. I'd respectfully turn the guy down knowing I CAN'T deal with that drama for life.

[Puglife]

From age 19 - 24 I was in a very similar situation, except I ended up moving in with my boyfriend. He was immature, emotionally abusive, alcoholic and really a loser. I felt very grown up being able to try to take care of everything and try to make sure he paid his bills, etc. I am very close to my family and there was a time he was banned from attending family functions. I felt like they didn't know him or understand him and he would mature. After 5 years and he was almost 30 and things didn't change. Thank God I didn't marry him or have kids. Ultimately, my family was right and they could see that he was not treating me how I should be treated and the relationship wasn't healthy.

You need to ask yourself why you love your BF and answer honestly how you would feel if your best friend or daughter was in this type of relationship. I take it you are still very young. You have a long life ahead of you and if this relationship doesn't work out, you will be okay, and can find someone that treats you with respect and gets along with your family.

[divine1966]

You live at home but pay his bills? The heck??? Say what???


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Bill3]

My boyfriend then insulted my brother...

The situation only got worse from there as my boyfriend was ranting about what just happened and how my brother needs to control himself....

He then said something inflammatory to my dad...

Eventually I got him to leave my house [he didn't leave on his own]...

but he came back and the police were called

Your boyfriend is quite lacking in self-control and good judgment. Anyone who speaks in an insulting manner to his girlfriend's father and brother, not to mention brawls with them, has a lot to learn. He is not ready for a mature relationship.

What do you like about him?