Wanting Good things for my children

The only thing I ever did that was in any way good was my two children. And I have been so depressed for so long I don't blame them for not wanting to see me. I think all mothers have dreams for their babies when they give birth to them and I doubt any one of them is that you hope to be able to drain the joy from your children's lives.

I know they say - I have been told more than a few times that it is wrong to kill yourself because it is unfair to the family but is it really? After the initial THING of it wouldn't it be a mercy for them. What if the best thing you can do to help your children is your removal from their lives. Like a breath of fresh air after a long winter is the way I see it.

Would they realize you did it for them or would it just be another pain you caused to add to the list.

I have heard people describe it as a hateful thing, as a manipulative thing to make them feel guilty. That's not the only way it could be - I would hate to see something done for the best of intentions being mislabeled as a hate thing, as an ugly act.

I would want them to know I wanted them to be free to fly.

Hey Lost my mom talked about the same thing so I thought I'd put my two cents in. 1. Your kids wouldn't be better off w/o you even if you don't talk much they still miss you. 2. Did they leave recently? I think as I get older I will want to move out then stay away for a bit and be on my own. But as time passes I will want to see my parents again. I don't mean to write this as a judgement btw just to help you remember that you matter in your kids lives and you matter in general. Hope it helps if not pls ignore not meant to berate you