[Seeking514]

I have been dating a man for almost a year. It would have been a year in a few days actually. It started out amazing. We were so in love. I have never dated anyone that made me feel so loved. I have never been with anyone with such a strong connection or shared background and values. The catch was that he was going through an ugly divorce and custody battle. It was the hardest year of his life where he lost custody of his kids but I stood by him through it all. He even had to move in with me because he had no where to go and I was supporting him, paying his bills and taking care of everything because he also has no job.

I know all that sounds awful and you may wonder why I didn't run but he was so loving. I grew up not knowing love and experienced violence and abuse throughout my life. He was genuinely interested in me and made me feel so special. We even knew that we were going to get married. As his custody case progressed against him though he started to change.

At Christmas he told me he didn't love me anymore and he broke up with me on Christmas Day. We still lived together though. I tried to just be his friend but I was heartbroken and I was still supporting him. He lived with me for free and I cooked dinners and found fun things for us to do so it would keep his mind off his situation. He also still wanted to be intimate with me. It made me feel that he would eventually come back once his case was over.

The case did end but he lost custody of his kids. Throughout those months he became verbally abusive but only in rare moments. That did start actually before he broke up withe me. In order to be closer to his kids I uprooted myself and my son to another state. A few days after moving back to the town where he lived with his ex-wife in order to be near his kids he changed. I never saw it coming. The day before he was loving and attentive like usual. The next day he started to accuse me of working for the government and plotting against him and his kids. He wouldn't believe me.

These episodes usually lasted about three days but he would return to his loving self. Towards the end it was coming more and more frequently though. He hated my son and accused him of plotting against him or that he wasn't really my son. I ended up having my son move in with my mother to protect him. I did this because my boyfriend wouldn't leave. He had no place to go with no job or means of support.

Over the past month the abuse escalated. He never stopped believing that I worked for the government and he started to criticize my very existence. He said he doesn't love me and couldn't love me because I was an awful person. I changed myself I know. I tried to be whatever he wanted so that he would at least be happy again. When I did that he started to be romantic with me again. That only lasted a few weeks before he accused me of manipulating him. I never initiated though. I was to afraid to initiate unless I knew for certain he wanted intimacy or even hand holding. He has never apologized and he has blamed me for everything. Even if I have a bad day at work he would get mad at me because he thought it was about him. I have almost tried to kill myself a couple times after feeling so tired and weak and beaten. But, he normally would return to us at least being friends.

Recently he stopped even doing anything in the house that would help me. Losing that act of kindness, I gathered my courage and I asked him to leave. That did not go well. I am trying to stay strong but he is not icing me out and alluding that I am an evil person that he couldn't even be friends with. He always at least would be my friend and now he won't even be in the same room with me or look at me with anything other than pure contempt or no emotion at all.

I am sure you are reading this and wondering why I put myself and my child in this situation. How weak and awful I must be to do just that. The problem is that I do still love him. I miss the person he was. Which one was the real person? He has said he will leave on June 1st but in the meantime I have to spend weeks with a man who looks at me with contempt and refuses to even talk to me or be in the same room with me.

How do I get over this heartbreak? What did I do that made him stop loving me?

I know I should not be heartbroken over him but I am. I do truly love him. I wanted to be there for him as he went through this so he knew he wasn't alone. Now I feel alone and the man that used to make me feel so loved now makes me afraid and broken inside.

[Keyslost]

I don't think you're weak I think you're strong. Either he has a mental illness, which imo should really be addressed this looks severe, or he is conning you. Which is not your fault. In either situation it is not your fault for being sincere. He's hurting you now more than helping. He changed into someone else or was never honest in the first place. Somewhat similar thing happened to me too. Personality change caught me off guard. All you can do now is protect yourself. If he doesn't leave in June gotta boot him. If he gets abusive time to call police. It's you saving you at this point.

[LucyD]

I have been in your shoes somewhat. I changed totally for a man and even gained a ton of weight because he acted as if he liked big women. So I got big. He was doing all sorts of things behind my back and I felt hurt all the time. Changing did nothing to change him. I think he was mentally ill and not getting any help. I suggest you tell him to get out right away as he sounds dangerous in his condition. You can drop him off at a homeless shelter. I am telling you this because he is treating you like dirt and doesn't deserve your love. I may sound drastic but I should have done that long ago. I was being lied to and conned by him and his antics. You have a son that deserves your love and your home.

[divine1966]

I am not judging you as many of us did dumb stuff stuff out of love. Just starting right now kick him out for good and never let him around you.

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[marisea]

I really feel for you. I have also been in your situation albeit many years ago. It lasted a lot of years and truly destroyed any self worth I had. I got so confused as he blamed me for everything that was wrong. I can only advise you to get him to leave and then get some help for yourself so you don't suffer over him for years. All the best. Take care and make sure you are safe. I don't like the sound of him or the way he has acted towards you. That is not love. You do not deserve this bad behaviour.