Another irritating issue

Okay I know I've been rambling a lot on different topics. And I know I seem a bit needy and insane - all true. Here goes, I go to this coffee shop where I known this barista for a long time (4 years). I used to have a very good rapport with her and she usually take the time to listen to my insecurities and make comments. I really appreciated this and as I've said in other postings friends are few and far between. Lately, she has been much more distant and I don't know why - I have a hunch that her life has just evolved where she doesn't really have time for me anymore. Well this seems like another lost outlet and it's getting really bothersome. I guess the question is should I just stop bothering her and move on? I don't really want to grill her on why she doesn't talk to me anymore - it might be something I said but I hope not. This keeps up I may have to head to the liquor store.

Do you guys hang out outside of the coffee shop?

No but I've talked to her so often that I feel that she's a friend and she seemed interested when I shared things with her.

OK. Feeling like she's a friend and being one are two different things. If you do not have a rapport with her outside of the coffee house, then this really isn't a friendship. It's a friendly person that knows your name and what you usually have when you come in.

Also, I've worked in customer service for many years, and now I train people on how to better do their jobs. While conversations with customers aren't outlawed, it is always persuaded that a conversation with a customer remain friendly, comfortable, and brief. Employees can get reprimanded for engaging even in seemingly innocent small-talk. Most customer service places are like that.

There is no reason to take the fact that she's not conversing as much with you personally. Please keep in mind that she is there to do her job, and engaging in long conversations takes her away from doing it.

I hope this helps.

Thanks for the feedback - I always felt there was something more.

agree completely with the idea that if you never spend time outside of her workplace that it's not anything more than being a friendly acquaintance. Friendship takes more than just listening and talking in a situation like that. Although a friendship can evolve from it, that's not what had happened here.

on the almost discouragement in customer service with customers I partially agree. Customer service is a broad spectrum of roles and some of them do require being able to be free to have conversations with customers and get to know them. I honestly think it's something that should not be discouraged but managed individually depending on the customer service representative. Simply because some work better this way while others may let it become a hindrance. I dont' think in general it's a bad idea but in some cases it can be There is far too much generalization and attempting to standardize rules and too little real management of people taking into account individuals. Sorry /end ramble.

On the situation with the OP, truth may be you're a guy, I'm assuming and you like her. As much as you may not have tried to give signals that you're interested in her, it may have been interpreted as such and regardless of if she was interested in you at any point, she may have a bf now and does not feel comfortable allowing you to be too close anymore. having not pursued the friendship to evolve past a workplace situation, there isn't much you can do about that.

If you want something to happen beyond what happened here (I've read a few of your posts) you'll have to actually initiate moving to a different level even if it's simply asking them to hang out sometime at a coffee shop or someplace casual. I think the problem you have is very similar to mine, and I know what my problem is, at least. I don't engage beyond the small talk and never actually try to move past that point with any of the girls I'm interested in. Some of them I have thought were possibly interested but because I never probed into that curiosity directly I never was able to find out or move past the "hi, how are you, how was your day, waht's going on.." situation.

Put yourself out there. It's good you are comfortable talking to these women. You have that under your belt. I don't. I find that hard. You're ahead of me, and you should go for it in one of these situations, but NOT with overly giving them things like flowers.. just casually move past the superficial!

You can do this. I'm sure more than a few of them have liked you and you just never asked them.

Thanks - this world seems all wrong. It's so hard to get people to listen and then just when you think they are they stop again. This to me might be the most important thing - having someone else who will listen Damn!

yo have friends here

Yeah, I have to kind of have to agree with the others. I've worked in restaurants and the employees do get discouraged from engaging in long conversations with customers, especially on a regular basis. They could lose their jobs if they're spending time talking instead of working. They're not paid to chit-chat. Therapists are, but not baristas. I have a friend who actually did lose her job because she was talking instead of working.

well if it prevents them from doing their job like serving the other customers that are there or other responsibilities yeah. but that's pretty standard.

That's exactly my point.