[Thefallen97]

I've been with him for two years, I can honestly say he loves me, as I do him, but then again, we are at two different stages in life ( don't worry I'm of age.) any way, I can't even call him a boy friend, he's so shy.. I don't want to get led on, I've tried to talk to him about it which was unsuccessful, but I feel like I've invested so much time and effort into this, that I look like a fool... I was so commuted to him that I even lost my virginty to him, and the sex was so... not wanting to get into detail, but I thought sex was suppose to feel so much better. another thing, I know he isn't cheating, but I can't help but think, "why does he like me?" I'm just starting college, he's so much farther ahead of me ( he's a prodigy at like math, ect. and his parents put him through advanced placement and boreding schools.) he has a pHD, 2 actually, his parents come from wealth, family come from wealth... mine? not so much... not even close. don't get me wrong, I know he likes me, he talks about long term stuff, but he doesn't even ask how my day has been, little things like that... maybe I'm just being used, but he's my first love, he took me... i really hope I'm wrong about it... I really do... any advice out there?

[divine1966]

Honestly after two years you would know if he is right for you. If you still don't then he isn't right. He doesn't want to talk about relationship? And he isn't even your boyfriend? What is he then? He isn't asking how your day was....That's not good

Listen everyone has first love and lost their virginity. My first Love was my high school boyfriend, gee 30 years later he is the same kind of loser he was then. Lol And virginity ....i never even think about. In a long run its not important

There is someone out there for you and I doubt it is him

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

Alot of people judge others harshly when they don't behave like the poster boy or girl of relationships. My bf? lets just say, I tried posting about him a year ago, people told me to run. Our relationship? Didn't start off as very orthodox at all, but because I knew the love was there, I did my best to not let others judgments affect me. And if I had, we wouldn't be where we are today.



Idk your bf, you do, but first thought that struck me when you described him and mentioned he doesn't even ask how your day went was "He sounds socially inept"

Idk, most of the really academic types I know are socially stupid.

They come across as cold and even rude, when it just doesn't occur to them to be polite or seem interested in anything other than their current focus... My niece comes to mind, we always thought she had really bad manners, but poor girl is just plain clueless. She's older now tho (20) and hanging out with us regularly, so she's catching on.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble.

Young sex isn't magical, sex is an art form we develop over time with lots of practice. So if neither of you have much or any experience outside of this relationship, I wouldn't put that on my list of worries. It's fixable.

You flip flop between being sure he loves you and being scared you're being used (I know this feeling all too well)... You also say you're unsure why he would even like you... I think that plays a big roll in your fear.

You mentioned that you've tried to talk to him, try harder.

Email him if it will create a smoother path to communication. Don't assume shyt and act on it.

Once you know for sure, then you can make a decision with conviction.

Don't write him off on account of him not being like others guys, give him a chance BECAUSE he's not.


Talk to him, find out what you need to know and then take if from there.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Thefallen97

I've been with him for two years, I can honestly say he loves me, as I do him, but then again, we are at two different stages in life ( don't worry I'm of age.) any way, I can't even call him a boy friend, he's so shy.. I don't want to get led on, I've tried to talk to him about it which was unsuccessful, but I feel like I've invested so much time and effort into this, that I look like a fool... I was so commuted to him that I even lost my virginty to him, and the sex was so... not wanting to get into detail, but I thought sex was suppose to feel so much better. another thing, I know he isn't cheating, but I can't help but think, "why does he like me?" I'm just starting college, he's so much farther ahead of me ( he's a prodigy at like math, ect. and his parents put him through advanced placement and boreding schools.) he has a pHD, 2 actually, his parents come from wealth, family come from wealth... mine? not so much... not even close. don't get me wrong, I know he likes me, he talks about long term stuff, but he doesn't even ask how my day has been, little things like that... maybe I'm just being used, but he's my first love, he took me... i really hope I'm wrong about it... I really do... any advice out there?

Why does his background have to exclude simply being interested in you? there are plenty of guys interested in women, not based on their backgrounds, college degrees or levels of affluency. (think I used the word right) Maybe he LIKES YOU, not those things and is interested in something more than superficial sstatus symbols.

I'm sorry to hear this. It sounds tricky.

I wouldn't worry about coming from two different places in life.

Just a few questions: Have you voiced your thoughts to him much? I understand you've asked him at least once. Did he not give a straight answer? Does he communicate much with you, such as his or your feelings?

I think some people are genuinely like this, but it's impossible to know your whole situation. Do you do most of the "work" in the relationship?

[divine1966]

I have to say trust your guts. If after two years you have concerns and it makes you anxious then it must be addressed one way or the other. Life is too short to be unhappy. If you were happy you wouldn't post here asking.

Also you have to go by what's right for YOU. Just because other people stick around their marriages or relationships it doesn't mean you must. Everybody is different. Couple of my coworkers are married to men I wouldn't even last two dates with and they are pretty miserable too yet they stick around! Heck no! I'd rather be alone!

Listen to your guts and do what's right for you, work on what's workable but keep in mind just because you love someone it doesn't mean you must stick around!

Some women think that as long as man isn't abusive and is kind of ok and nothing is too horrid, you must stick around. No you not. Do what makes you happy.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I have to say trust your guts. If after two years you have concerns and it makes you anxious then it must be addressed one way or the other. Life is too short to be unhappy. If you were happy you wouldn't post here asking.

Also you have to go by what's right for YOU. Just because other people stick around their marriages or relationships it doesn't mean you must. Everybody is different. Couple of my coworkers are married to men I wouldn't even last two dates with and they are pretty miserable too yet they stick around! Heck no! I'd rather be alone!

Listen to your guts and do what's right for you, work on what's workable but keep in mind just because you love someone it doesn't mean you must stick around!

Some women think that as long as man isn't abusive and is kind of ok and nothing is too horrid, you must stick around. No you not. Do what makes you happy.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

agree with this but,

I must add a correction: Some women people think that as long as man their partner isn't abusive and is kind of ok and nothing is too horrid, you must stick around. I'm not trying to be critical here but considering my own experience, I actually am a man that kind of did that for many years myself

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

agree with this but,


I must add a correction: Some women people think that as long as man their partner isn't abusive and is kind of ok and nothing is too horrid, you must stick around. I'm not trying to be critical here but considering my own experience, I actually am a man that kind of did that for many years myself

I totally agree with your correction. 100%. Very very true. I only used specific gender based on what op said in her story and what people responded. In general you are very correct!!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

I'm usually all for the Go With Your Gut advice buuuut, in this instance the OP's concerns appear more internal (feeling unsure, insecure, feeling beneath him, wondering why he even likes her)....


So if I've understood correctly, her gut feeling is telling her to run based on not feeling good enough for him, and I have to respectfully disagree and again encourage her to talk to her guy about what's bugging her, before making such a decision.


It's all good to cut your losses and run, but relationships actually take work. Even the good ones.They're not rosy and shiny all the time, so misery is expected during tough times.


Of course if the time spent miserable outweighs the happy times, you definitely want to seek greener pastures.


Idk, I guess I just place a high value on my interpersonal relationships and don't give up so easily, which admittedly in the past yes, had me holding on to the wrong friends and 1 VERY!!! wrong man. But with time came experience and I learned who was worth investing in.


OP, regardless of what you decide, remember this.


A good strong healthy relationship requires communication. If its not there for whatever reason (eg. I have an extremely hard time discussing my feelings verbally) AND neither are willing to find ways to communicate, well then the relationship either won't last, or it wont be a happy one.


Communication is key

[eskielover]

I had gut feelings about my H before I got married & ignored them & ended up saying for 33 years in a really BAD marriage as we ended up with our daughter & then when I finally was at the point to get out, I couldn't financially I was trapped.

I married him because I thought his IQ & his college degree would make him successful that my father wasn't. I wanted so much to marry someone who wasn't like my father & ended up marrying someone who was just like him only with an education.

But his social issues actually messed up any education he had. He was always struggling with management issues & the issues I saw before the marriage constantly were the issues that caused horrible problems in the marriage & that was his attitude about how smart he was....but he didn't have a bit of common sense & in the marriage, I basically had to take care of everything because in reality the only thing he was good at was math & reading his sci fi books.

Yes, he was sure he loved me......but I realized that in reality, I didn't respect him because of the issues & LOVE can't grow where there isn't respect. Not only that but in the 33 years of marriage he was totally incapable of connecting.

Came to realize only after I left him & was doing some research to understand what was the problem in the marriage that Asperger's was what we were dealing with....undiagnosed, but it was the only thing that perfectly explained 100 % all the issues that created problems in the marriage.

Be wise. Know what you are really getting into & if it's NOT something you want to tolerate for the rest of your life....don't go there in the first place.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I'm usually all for the Go With Your Gut advice buuuut, in this instance the OP's concerns appear more internal (feeling unsure, insecure, feeling beneath him, wondering why he even likes her)....


So if I've understood correctly, her gut feeling is telling her to run based on not feeling good enough for him, and I have to respectfully disagree and again encourage her to talk to her guy about what's bugging her, before making such a decision.


It's all good to cut your losses and run, but relationships actually take work. Even the good ones.They're not rosy and shiny all the time, so misery is expected during tough times.


Of course if the time spent miserable outweighs the happy times, you definitely want to seek greener pastures.


Idk, I guess I just place a high value on my interpersonal relationships and don't give up so easily, which admittedly in the past yes, had me holding on to the wrong friends and 1 VERY!!! wrong man. But with time came experience and I learned who was worth investing in.


OP, regardless of what you decide, remember this.


A good strong healthy relationship requires communication. If its not there for whatever reason (eg. I have an extremely hard time discussing my feelings verbally) AND neither are willing to find ways to communicate, well then the relationship either won't last, or it wont be a happy one.


Communication is key

Of course one needs to communicate to their partner. I personally never said she must run because of her feelings, but rather address it.

I don't think people need to run because of gut feelings but they shouldn't ignore it or stick around because of love as that is never enough. I also think everyone has different standards and I wouldn't advice op to stay or run because so and so did. We all have different standards and expectations, we all have different understanding of what's good relationship mean.

What's good enough for some might not be acceptable for others. If she is unhappy she needs to address it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Of course one needs to communicate to their partner. I personally never said she must run because of her feelings, but rather address it.

I don't think people need to run because of gut feelings but they shouldn't ignore it or stick around because of love as that is never enough. I also think everyone has different standards and I wouldn't advice op to stay or run because so and so did. We all have different standards and expectations, we all have different understanding of what's good relationship mean.

What's good enough for some might not be acceptable for others. If she is unhappy she needs to address it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I didn't nit pick at your post so I would appreciate it if you grant me the same courtesy. Thank you.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I didn't nit pick at your post so I would appreciate it if you grant me the same courtesy. Thank you.

My post was simply a reply to your analysis of my post, first of all it was incorrect but second of all i don't understand what's the point. You can advice your own thing without commenting on my advice. OP can decide what works for her.

And I didn't really understand what you were disagreeing with. I never said she needs to run just that she should listen to her guts and address the issue one way or the other. I see no point disagreeing just for the sake of disagreeing especially if it is being misinterpreted. I am too busy for this.

I am not too busy to help posters with their concerns though.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I had gut feelings about my H before I got married & ignored them & ended up saying for 33 years in a really BAD marriage as we ended up with our daughter & then when I finally was at the point to get out, I couldn't financially I was trapped.

I married him because I thought his IQ & his college degree would make him successful that my father wasn't. I wanted so much to marry someone who wasn't like my father & ended up marrying someone who was just like him only with an education.

But his social issues actually messed up any education he had. He was always struggling with management issues & the issues I saw before the marriage constantly were the issues that caused horrible problems in the marriage & that was his attitude about how smart he was....but he didn't have a bit of common sense & in the marriage, I basically had to take care of everything because in reality the only thing he was good at was math & reading his sci fi books.

Yes, he was sure he loved me......but I realized that in reality, I didn't respect him because of the issues & LOVE can't grow where there isn't respect. Not only that but in the 33 years of marriage he was totally incapable of connecting.

Came to realize only after I left him & was doing some research to understand what was the problem in the marriage that Asperger's was what we were dealing with....undiagnosed, but it was the only thing that perfectly explained 100 % all the issues that created problems in the marriage.

Be wise. Know what you are really getting into & if it's NOT something you want to tolerate for the rest of your life....don't go there in the first place.

Exactly. Usually what you see is what you get. And people always reveal themselves, we just have to pay attention and not be in denial. Wise!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[healingme4me]

If you address the issue, be vigilant of any changes and monitor for changes reverting back to what leaves you unfulfilled. I use the word unfulfilled, because of the expressed lack of asking how your day was.
First loves can also be a learning experience. Of the couples that I personally know that have known one another since teens, there was also a strong intervening factor of their parents being a huge part of their lives and long term staying power, not without bumps and hurdles.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by divine1966

My post was simply a reply to your analysis of my post, first of all it was incorrect but second of all i don't understand what's the point. You can advice your own thing without commenting on my advice. OP can decide what works for her.

And I didn't really understand what you were disagreeing with. I never said she needs to run just that she should listen to her guts and address the issue one way or the other. I see no point disagreeing just for the sake of disagreeing especially if it is being misinterpreted. I am too busy for this.

I am not too busy to help posters with their concerns though.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

FTR, I did not analyse your post.

The only part of your post I referenced was the "go with your gut" bit which I was actually agreeing with, except that what OP describes has got nothing to do with her guts.

I never said YOU said she should run, OP is talking about ending things (see Thread Topic and Original Post) but not sure if she should because she's invested 2 years and is sure they both love each other.

For HER benefit, I was pointing out that she is feeling uncertain of her relationship status, unsure of her worth, insecure with regards to why he is even interested in her. Those are not gut feelings, a gut feeling would be a sixth sense, intuition.
Like when you sense your partner is cheating on you..........

Like you, I simply don't have time for useless politics, I have better things to do with my time.

I'm out

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

If you address the issue, be vigilant of any changes and monitor for changes reverting back to what leaves you unfulfilled. I use the word unfulfilled, because of the expressed lack of asking how your day was.
First loves can also be a learning experience. Of the couples that I personally know that have known one another since teens, there was also a strong intervening factor of their parents being a huge part of their lives and long term staying power, not without bumps and hurdles.

Unfulfilled is the good word here. I totally see how and why she feels unfulfilled. As after two years he is still not her boyfriend. That's strange. Not a good sign

Hope op makes some good choices and thinks of what SHE wants

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk