[raphael4]

I have been apart from my ex-fiance for 2 years. Since I didn't know where she was living I tried reaching her sister. But got no response. I would send a letter every few months. Still no response.
So then a year ago I called her brother. He was sympathetic and said that "she probably wants to move on, but maybe there will be a chance later." He did not tell me where she was and I didn't ask.

I backed off for awhile, but I did try reaching her again months later by a letter to her sister (thinking she might be living there with her). No response.

About 6 months ago I texted her brothers wife (thinking it was him) by mistake. She quickly told me angrily " not to contact anyone in the family or I would be reported as harassment.

I don't believe I have been harassing anyone. I have only sent a handful of letters over the 2 1/2 years, trying but never hearing anything from her. Only from her brother (who was sympathetic) and sister in law (angry).

I know I should let it be but I never got closure. Since I haven't heard from her I don't know how she Really feels.

When she left she had abandoned me and all her friends here and her cat. I know where she is now and I'm thinking about chancing what could happen and contact her by letter... Leaving her relatives out of the picture.... Thoughts anyone

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[scorpiosis37]

I think it's pretty clear that she does not want any further contact with you. If she did, she would have reached out or responded. I know you want closure, but that is something you have to give yourself. You cannot count on someone else to give it to you. I think it would be better for you if you accepted that she does not want contact with you and you move on.

[divine1966]

If after few attempts the person doesn't respond it is obvious they don't want to talk to you. Contacting them and their family is borderline harassment. Sorry but time to move on. I think deep inside you know how she feels, she moved on and if you move on too you'll find right person!

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[~Christina]

Breakups happen and more often than not there is no closure to be had. Make peace that you have reached out numerous times and move forward in your life

[divine1966]

I just saw that you were posting same question for nearly two years in
A row asking how to get her back and how to contact her and what to do about letters coming back unopened so on. And you always got the same response. If someone doesn't want to be around, they won't be.

This thread is almost identical to others. Have you considered therapy?

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[raphael4]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Breakups happen and more often than not there is no closure to be had. Make peace that you have reached out numerous times and move forward in your life

Thanks for those words I believe that's what I needed to hear...

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[hannabee]

Why is it that we humans keep looking in the rear view mirror? Or, that when one door closes, instead of looking for a new door, we keep banging our head against the one that is shut? Fear is in the future, I suppose, and there is comfort in what we knew, or THOUGHT we knew.
It is time to let it go. There is someone else in your future, but it you never move forward, you will never find her. Please get some professional help with this. There is a whole big wonderful world out there. Big hug.

[raphael4]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I just saw that you were posting same question for nearly two years in
A row asking how to get her back and how to contact her and what to do about letters coming back unopened so on. And you always got the same response. If someone doesn't want to be around, they won't be.

This thread is almost identical to others. Have you considered therapy?

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Yes getting some these days... All I have say is "Oh Lord can't you see what that woman... What she done to me..." Words from an old Marshall Tucker song... I put myself on the line, made a complete fool of myself... But you know I am not ashamed...

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[A Red Panda]

Two years and you're still trying to contact her? She doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Her siblings would have passed the word on, and if she didn't contact you back then she wants nothing to do with you. She knows how to contact you.

Honestly? Right now, she likely even feels that if you knew where she was or that... that you would possibly stalk her, because consistently contacing her family is pretty close to that.

[raphael4]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Two years and you're still trying to contact her? She doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Her siblings would have passed the word on, and if she didn't contact you back then she wants nothing to do with you. She knows how to contact you.

Honestly? Right now, she likely even feels that if you knew where she was or that... that you would possibly stalk her, because consistently contacing her family is pretty close to that.

I am sorry that what I believed we shared has been reduced to me being a stalker... Didn't think I was a bad person, but I guess I am. Also didn't think I was consistently contacting her family (twice by phone over 2 years) I thought I was just trying my best to get closure.

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[A Red Panda]

I'm just trying to give you a different perspective. Continuing to try to have contact with someone who gives zero indication of wanting any can be seen as harassment and as as a precursor to stalking.

It doesn't mean that you are a bad person. But you are upsetting her family, and likely her, and it could start to make them worried/scared.

It isn't very common for someone to be still trying to make contact two years on, can't you see how that could be distressing even if it isn't frequent?

[raphael4]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

I'm just trying to give you a different perspective. Continuing to try to have contact with someone who gives zero indication of wanting any can be seen as harassment and as as a precursor to stalking.

It doesn't mean that you are a bad person. But you are upsetting her family, and likely her, and it could start to make them worried/scared.

It isn't very common for someone to be still trying to make contact two years on, can't you see how that could be distressing even if it isn't frequent?

Yes, I can see that could be true. I suppose I had a similar experience with some I had been seeing for a few weeks. I decided that I needed to leave the relationship. I explained this to her and there was no love between us. She kept calling me for weeks. I ignored her. She finally gave up and I admit I was relieved.
In my desperation to reach my ex I realize I have made many fatal mistakes that I regret. I realize now that I have to close this tragic chapter in my life without any closure from her.
Thanks for your words, maybe now I will actually hear them.

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[littletinyrock]

I love this Captain Awkward article for the Dune-inspired advice on closure. So nerdy, but apt:

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife — chopping off what’s incomplete and saying: “Now it’s complete because it’s ended here.” – from Collected Sayings of Muad’Dib by the Princess Irulan

It's hard. I know I'm struggling with it, too. Good luck.

[raphael4]

Originally Posted by littletinyrock

I love this Captain Awkward article for the Dune-inspired advice on closure. So nerdy, but apt:

It's hard. I know I'm struggling with it, too. Good luck.

Hehe, the teachings of Arrakis. I like that one, always makes me laugh. At myself mostly.. For what I have done....

"What a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away..."
-The Doobie Brothers.
And I have definitely made a fool of myself here. But you know, I am embarrassed... But somehow not ashamed.

Now I think it's time to...

"So let's get to the point, let's roll another joint and head on down the road"
-Tom Petty.

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