[d1023]

So come Sept and our last child leaves home. Have to say I'm terrified of just the Mrs and I on our own. Relationships are tough now, though we are seeing a councellor. It's 22 years since we were just the two of us and we seem to have forgotten our relationship over the years. What do we do with ourselves?

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by d1023

So come Sept and our last child leaves home. Have to say I'm terrified of just the Mrs and I on our own. Relationships are tough now, though we are seeing a councellor. It's 22 years since we were just the two of us and we seem to have forgotten our relationship over the years. What do we do with ourselves?

Traveling can be fun and adventurous, even if it is just to explore something not too far away. Ask yourself what a tourist might want to see when visiting your area. Then plan a day to do that, which includes lunch or dinner somewhere. Go shopping together. Also, try to meet other couples whose kids have also left. If you can afford it, look into taking a cruise together.

[divine1966]

I only have one child. She was out of the house right after high school. She attended college far away and now lives far, she is married. She lives too far for me to see her often enough. Emotionally it is tough. I remember one Christmas before she was married she came home for few weeks then I took her to airport and then came home. I stood in the middle of her bedroom. She was gone. She was here few hours ago and now it was empty. Honestly I have never experienced feeling like that. Nothing could compare.

But life goes on. I never feel I don't have enough things to do. I work and have social life, there are a lot of others empty nesters out there!

Now some couples actually do better when kids are gone. My parents don't have the best of marriage. But they started doing lots of things when me and my bro left the house. They travelled and went out and met other couples. Etc



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[Rose76]

Same with my parents, divine. Once my sibs and I were all out of the house, there was less turmoil in our parents' marriage. They really looked forward to us coming by, at holidays in particular. Then, after a few days, they would seem kind of glad when we were leaving.

Also, they seemed to enjoy having us there one at a time throughout the year.

[healingme4me]

I work with two women, who officially became empty nesters over the course of this school year. They expressed doing quite alright by it. It's an adjustment.
My maternal grandparents didn't officially become empty nesters immediately due to caregiving my aging great grandmother. After, they took numerous road trips, to see various horse race(harness) tracks up and down the East Coast. That was a shared interest.
It's truly about rediscovering your life plans.
Some people, redo their children's room into dens or work rooms, art rooms, whatever the hobby of interest was. Then await the grandchildrens entrance into life
Warm wishes!

[divine1966]

In my experience people who make their children sole focus of their lives have harder time. I do know people like that, they have nothing but kids. When kids are gone life is over. I am very close to my daughter, we talk daily, but she was never the only person/activity/thing in my life. I miss seeing her more often but I am just as busy as I was before. Life did not end.

It is the same with spouses. I know women who had nothing in their lives but taking care of their husbands, when they widowed their life is over.

It is important to have other things in ones life, work, hobbies, friends etc

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[d1023]

Thanks for the comments all esp divine - we have a "dry run" over the next two weeks as our son goes away. I know I'm over anxious at present and the advantage of the UK is that the kids will only be a couple of hours away. It's their friendship I will miss esp our Son who has grown into a really kind and respectful man who also has much the same taste in music as I do.
God willing Mrs d1023 can sort through the problems we have and things will turn out OK.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by d1023

Thanks for the comments all esp divine - we have a "dry run" over the next two weeks as our son goes away. I know I'm over anxious at present and the advantage of the UK is that the kids will only be a couple of hours away. It's their friendship I will miss esp our Son who has grown into a really kind and respectful man who also has much the same taste in music as I do.
God willing Mrs d1023 can sort through the problems we have and things will turn out OK.

Oh you are so welcome, I am so pleased to get a special thank you. I have trust in
Your strength and you can certainly maintain friendship with your wonderful son! Good luck

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[baseline]

hello d1023, It is hard having your children go off into the world. Bittersweet in fact! You are grateful and happy for them yet can miss them so much!. I have 2 in university and one still at home. I have been married 25 years and for awhile we lost sight of each other. I often tell him in jest you better be nice to me because before you know it, it will be just us. It may be fun to rekindle your marriage and become friends again. Happiness is good for body and soul! Good luck!

[d1023]

Well son arrived OK as far as we know. It's quiet in the house and I find it hard to engage in conversation with Mrs d1023. Both of us anxious about son and also struggling with personal issues. First joint meeting with the concellor tmmw and that scares me a little.