[Nya378]

I am at my witts end, trying to think of what else I can do. I have started seeing a therapist, who for now, has recommended that I really just try to talk to my husband.

I was verbally and emotionally abused by my angry alcoholic husband, who has now been sober for 2 years. Although he doesnt drink anymore, he still very much has anger issues. I have tried and tried to keep my head up, but there is always something that I am doing wrong.

About 8 months ago, I started having panic attacks. They come at the height of emotional outlet for me. My husband has a high sex drive so whenever I would orgasm, there came another panic attack. I couldn't handle it anymore so I stopped even trying to get to the finish line. I couldn't handle the thought of constantly having attacks..... they are terrifying.

I still make myself available to my husband tho, but that isn't even good enough. He wants a reaction from me and it needs to be real. This kills me, I don't know how to handle it anymore. Nothing I do is good enough.

[healingme4me]

Maybe the anxiety comes with a fear of being vulnerable to him? I don't know. Have you seen a cardiologist or had a recent physical exam ?

What an inconsiderate a-hole!

I'd quit "making myself available" for him until he could
show me a little more understanding and respect!

If you don't demand better treatment, then he'll
continue to abuse you, and THAT is unacceptable!

[iwonderaboutstuff]

What happened 8 months ago? What triggered the 1st attack?

[Bill3]

My thought is that your T should have more tools than "talk to your husband" for helping you deal with panic attacks.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Bill3

My thought is that your T should have more tools than "talk to your husband" for helping you deal with panic attacks.

Exactly right! I agree wholeheartedly.

What about breathing techniques to help them dissipate?


I can sense one long before it hits me now and the breathing technique these days more often than not actually nips it in the bud.

[Nya378]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Maybe the anxiety comes with a fear of being vulnerable to him? I don't know. Have you seen a cardiologist or had a recent physical exam ?

I've thought about that. My family has a history of heart issues, so that concerns my doctor. The other thing my T wants me to work on is standing up for myself and not backing down. It's all fairly overwhelming.

[Nya378]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

What an inconsiderate a-hole!

I'd quit "making myself available" for him until he could
show me a little more understanding and respect!

If you don't demand better treatment, then he'll
continue to abuse you, and THAT is unacceptable!

I agree, I feel used and that's not doing anything good for my health

[Nya378]

Originally Posted by Bill3

My thought is that your T should have more tools than "talk to your husband" for helping you deal with panic attacks.

I've only been once. I am self pay, so that's all I can afford. I go again in a couple weeks

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Nya378

I've thought about that. My family has a history of heart issues, so that concerns my doctor. The other thing my T wants me to work on is standing up for myself and not backing down. It's all fairly overwhelming.

Learning to be assertive, takes time. It's baby steps, to be perfectly honest. Of course, until you come to be in touch, in the moment, with your needs and feelings, being able to assert won't come easy. Many work on 'boundaries'. I italicized because there's oft an initial confusion about what that really means. It's not about laying down the law, it's about knowing your personal limitations/likes/dislikes. Probably the intimate moments aren't the firsr step, albeit a very critical step since that's where dignity will make or break your spirit.
So, after reading further in your thread, I'm wondering about depression and if he's behaved in humiliating ways with you? Depression can go with anxiety at many times. How severely pained do you find yourself, on an emotional level?
Are these panic attacks dredging up painful memories from within your relationship?

Originally Posted by Nya378

I've only been once. I am self pay, so that's all I can afford. I go again in a couple weeks

[Nya378]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Learning to be assertive, takes time. It's baby steps, to be perfectly honest. Of course, until you come to be in touch, in the moment, with your needs and feelings, being able to assert won't come easy. Many work on 'boundaries'. I italicized because there's oft an initial confusion about what that really means. It's not about laying down the law, it's about knowing your personal limitations/likes/dislikes. Probably the intimate moments aren't the firsr step, albeit a very critical step since that's where dignity will make or break your spirit.
So, after reading further in your thread, I'm wondering about depression and if he's behaved in humiliating ways with you? Depression can go with anxiety at many times. How severely pained do you find yourself, on an emotional level?
Are these panic attacks dredging up painful memories from within your relationship?

It's all become crammed into one big issue. Anytime I try to talk to him, it ends up being my fault. I don't feel like I can talk to him anymore. I can't do anything right in his eyes anymore unless I baby him and totally cater to his wants and "needs"

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Nya378

It's all become crammed into one big issue. Anytime I try to talk to him, it ends up being my fault. I don't feel like I can talk to him anymore. I can't do anything right in his eyes anymore unless I baby him and totally cater to his wants and "needs"

It can at times seem like it's better to cater to those whose sensitivities need extra special attention. In the long run, unhappiness takes over which spirals to panic, dread and more. And if he isn't even open to viewing you with a tender heart, not certain what else you can do, aside from maintaining your own sense of identity and truth, aside from working on yourself and your reaction to him, expressed or internalized, it's truly a shame to hear he's not tender.

[Bill3]

It's all become crammed into one big issue. Anytime I try to talk to him, it ends up being my fault. I don't feel like I can talk to him anymore. I can't do anything right in his eyes anymore unless I baby him and totally cater to his wants and "needs"

I wonder if you could find some support at a women's center in your area.

Many therapists offer sliding scale fees to those without insurance.

Many county health agencies also offer low cost to no cost counseling.

United Way can also be helpful ... United Ways Worldwide | United Way Worldwide

Hope you are able to find the help you need in order to get yourself in a better place!