[LookingforCalm]

Hey guys,

I need some advice. I will try to make this short.

I dated this guy at work about 4 years ago, and we broke up because we were both in different places (mainly him going into another relationship too quick without being over the other relationship and me wanting more). At the time we were on the same level job-wise, but were given a lot of crap for our relationship because people at the store didn't like us being together. Let's just say it was weird, and was another contributing factor to our breakup.

Well, I have moved up quite a bit in the company, and we are getting to know each other again because I visit his store and things are moving fast. He's more committed than he was before, and professed his love months ago. I am starting to come around, but it's taken me a while because I broke up with someone in September that I'd been with for a while and the carnage from that relationship left me angry and just - not ready.

Our company doesn't frown upon relationships on the job and it happens all the time (including one of my bosses marrying another manager), but I am afraid because of our job grades being so different that it might be a conflict. I'm in upper management, and he is not.

Well, now I think I'm ready and I need to disclose this relationship to some pretty high-up people. I am terrified for a couple of reasons.

1. When we first revealed ourselves 4 years ago, we were given a lot of crap because the people we worked with didn't like him, and I was trying to move up. I guess they thought he was a bad influence because he is kind of known for being somewhat of a curmudgeon. I'm terrified of that happening again because he's not a management-type person (but at another store) and I have moved up significantly. Although he's not in my direct reports and I in no way have any kind disciplinary anything with him, I'm scared of having the reaction I received last time. My bosses aren't the same as 4 years ago, but the reaction, I'm afraid, will be the same.

2. Telling makes it real. I kind of liked having the secret. However, I would rather get this out and deal with that than deal with the consequences of not. I don't want to lose my job, and believe me - the first time we were even "revealed" was because of a rumor. Granted it was true...

How should I handle this with my bosses? How do I put it without getting myself in trouble?

Dang it - it's long again. Oh well. I appreciate your help with this!

[~Christina]

Why do you "Have" to make it official? maybe wait a few months and see how you feel then? I only say this because you made the comment about making it " real" Maybe? some subconsious stuff going on your not aware of ?

[CopperStar]

Some companies have an HR policy that any romantic relationships between staff members must be reported to HR. If that is the case in your work environment, telling your bosses can simply be a rather formal matter of an email stating that in order to comply with HR policy, you are making them aware of your relationship status.

[LookingforCalm]

Hey! Thank you for your replies.

It's in the employee handbook that any relationship with a superior has to be "acknowledged" (I know because I am a trainer and I teach it), and am trying to be brave about confronting it head-on as opposed to an email. I just haven't gotten my guts up to do it yet...

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by LookingforCalm

Hey! Thank you for your replies.

It's in the employee handbook that any relationship with a superior has to be "acknowledged" (I know because I am a trainer and I teach it), and am trying to be brave about confronting it head-on as opposed to an email. I just haven't gotten my guts up to do it yet...

It may not be a matter of being brave. They might also appreciate a formal email as opposed to an in-person announcement out of left field. But if you feel this is a personal hurdle that irrelevant to the actual issue, like if you feel you struggle with being assertive and want to overcome it, then that is also understandable.