Bf suddenly cut me off?

Thanks!

Indeed, we were in a long distance/across the ocean relationship. I lived in his country for a while before I had to move back home due to visa restrictions - my work visa and contract had ended. We had been dating for only a couple of months before I moved back. He pushed for a long distance relationship, and it started to grow slowly with many overseas trips back and forth. We both sacrificed all of our free days to visit each other. We spent about 4 months together total if I add up all the times we were together since my move.

The long distance would end somewhere this Fall, as we were filing paperwork for us to get married. We had explored all the options, and getting married seemed to be the fastest, easiest, cheapest option. Now all of a sudden he says it won't work anymore. I had already given up my job and apartment here to move over to him, and he knew it...

Due to his ADD and tendency towards depression when stressed out, I decided to look at this forum to try to get some advice/information/similar stories as to what might be going on. I know there is no third party involved.

I had already given up important things in my life - job, apartment, said goodbye to family and friends. And then he decided it isn't going to work.

I am healing slowly, and I am almost starting to accept his decision. Nevertheless, I don't understand why it had to be so quick and sudden.

I don't think anyone pointed fingers or blamed you. Sometimes things just don't work out. Doesn't have to be anyone's fault. And him deleting you from Netflix and so on is a very normal thing. Who keeps their exes on their accounts? My ex and I shared all accounts and memberships.
When I left my ex we deleted each other from memberships.



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I hope you can get a new job or get old one back and find a different apartment. Listen it's better it ended now not when you already moved!!! That would be awful. Getting married is a big decision. Bringing someone from overseas is a major decision and major responsibility . If two months later he didn't reconsider then it's time to start rebuilding your life. I know it's tough. We all went through divorces and break ups. It's never easy but it gets better with time. Sorry for your pain but you are young and it will get better

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Maybe his mother is a factor? I've had a situation where a guarantee was practically needed. How would anyone be able to 'guarantee' another person's happiness?
Even if on the outside it would appear there's nothing to hold them back from a leap, internal strife when there's emotional turmoil from the past can hold a person back. I do understand how and why you'd question MI. Yet, even if so, there's more to people than depression or whatever else they may have going on for them. MI's can be complex, there's the illness then there's all the compexities of external factors.
About being under the impression that all was well, that can be a red flag. In your case, a flag that he wasn't being authentic about any worries or self doubts. That's important for couples to share. You(plural form) could address it even gently, yet risk the chance of having such a discussion turned on you for numerous reasons. In my case for not listening. Listening is a skill i do well, sooo...that's the depression or whatever have you talking.
Your fiance withdrawing as a behavior can be depression or another. Yet it only explains certain behavior. Fear of confrontation can be learned through environment.
Labeling has gotten touchy around here, as sometimes it's a bashing tool.
I have much empathy for you. Will he at least visit and not toss money down the drain?

He booked a ticket to a city which is about 3 hours away from me. A few days after the break up when we were still in touch, he announced to me that his mother was coming with him on that trip instead. She has always been pushing him to take her along on his trips to see me. I was never a fan of that, because she is so intense. He wasn't either, and somehow always talked it out of her head.

My intention was never to diagnose him but given the ADHD and OCD that seemingly run in the family in addition to his ADD diagnosis, it was something that made me feel better about the breakup - that it wasn't my fault. My impression was that he wanted to get rid of an extra stress factor in his life, and since finding a new house to live and working a new job aren't particularly easy to replace, he probably felt the relationship had to end. I'm only guessing.

I agree that he might fear confrontation, although I have seen him getting upset about the actions of others many times before. I would always calm him down. At work, he never seemed to have a problem with addressing the issues. He also subtly let me know his preferences in certain situations.

We haven't been in touch for a month now.

for me, in my long term relationships, it hasn't been a quick end, no contact, never to be heard or seen from again. There's been frayed ends to be fasted, so to speak. It is baffling to go from let's get married, to no contact. Tossing the mother coming with him on his travels, does hint at some shed light.

I am usually in some form of contact with all my exes even if infrequent. But sometimes it does need to stop. I think I need to stop talking with my last ex as he isn't over me and a year later he isn't losing hope but I am already with someone else. I continue talking to his daughter as we remain close. But I might need to stop talking to him as to stop him from
Having hopes and protect him from pain. Maybe your ex stopped communication to protect you from having hopes. I know it sucks.

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