[Zoeee]

I can't stand my mother. She gets irritated like if you ask her the smallest thing, the whole world is pissing her off. If you ask her, what do you thing of something, she'd be so annoyed; everything, everyone seemed to upset her, like the world owes her. She would tell how the guy in the grocery was treating her badly, the department store lady was mean to her etc, but the thing is, her face has this annoyed look, frowned deeply, talked loudly, and always clicks her tongue to produce the sound that indicates she is upset. If you tell her about that sound, she said she didn't "know" she had produced it. But how odd, she "knows" exactly how she's being treated badly, yet not sensitive enough to know her manners towards others! On many occasions, she would praise herself being smart, and tell you how you should do things, because she would tell you her "experience" and "knowledge", yet if you leave things to her, she would mess it up. I argue with her day in and day out. I can't stand that sound she produced, it's like piercing my heart. Also everything I do is not to her satisfaction. She doesn't hesitate to criticize me. The more this happens, the more I have no mood to do things, and she said, "well, I told you, you shouldn't have started doing it!" Im afraid I'm turning depressive, not to mention nothing could please her, which I gave up long time ago. People have parents that give encouragements. Not mine. My dad is always on her side. They would talk me down together, like I'm the one to blame, even though I have succeeded in working out things. Like what kind of parents are these? I sometimes try to tell myself, they're getting old, and maybe they feel aches in their bodies, and that s why they are moody. But my mood is affected on daily bases! I sometimes try to ignore what they say or act, but the result, nope, I ended up arguing, crying, and they, the same. Please, someone tell me what to do.

[kindachaotic]

Welcome to PC!
If you're old enough try & figure out a way to move out.
Their dysfunction is not your fault. Don't let it define you.
You seem very smart with a lot of insite.
As hard as it will be try & ignore this insane chaos.
Wish you the best.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

I agree with kindachaotic.

I would also commend you for trying to find compassion for what may be causing her to act that way (e.g. pain, worry, etc).

I find it really hard not to react when people treat me poorly. I have to literally clamp my lips together sometimes! When I feel a strong reaction like that with family members, I try to react with the thought "I wish you happiness" in my head. Note I said "try" Mostly I just have to walk away.

[Zoeee]

I also don't know why she's behaving this way except I think she's depressive. She's the kind of person who never like to visit a doctor, (very stiff neck about it) but her condition is that she'll fall asleep easily, even when eating. She wakes at five in the morning, couldn't sleep, then complains that she has to keep herself quiet since no one is awake. Yes, she did something for you then complain that she has to do it for you.. She falls asleep in the afternoon and then can't sleep at night. She also said often that she's afraid of dying, or foreseeing as such, so I think she's not feeling well.

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[healingme4me]

I agree about trying to find your way out. I, too, commend you for compassionate insight to consider what's inside them to create such discourse. As you do detach and work on reactions, whether expressive reaction or internal reaction, don't dismiss how it leaves you feeling nor reminding yourself that you are a worthwhile individual worthy of respect and undeserving of mistreatment or being treated in a way that undermines your self worth and value as an individual. Sometimes, I've learned that even to bring to attention that certain behavior upsets me, it's not taken from a place of mutual desire where both sides are able to effect change. So, choose discussions wisely. Be willing to at least internally address it, reach out to a therapist or supportive non emotionally invested friend or support group. Sometimes silence with a dysfunctional family member is golden.

[Zoeee]

Phew! I'm so upset again. Everyday has something new. Now there is problem with the toilet and it's me who's going to fix it. Am I expert? NO! I need to google how to do it. Why can't at least my dad be more concern and help her daughter(me)? I asked him to google, and he gave me all sort of excuses, instead he was busy replying to his what's app friends.
The other day when I got home, mom looked up from her computer and spoke with a nicer tone (she and I were suppose to be in silent argument). Well, she got a spam and stupidly called the spammer who had installed something into her computer and told her that if she wanted to fix it, call that number on the screen, and she stupidly called. Then when I came in the door, I've to fix her computer!
I paint walls do this and that, and normally what happened? They criticize you after its done.
I know, I should be moving out. I'm working on that. Meanwhile I know I should keep my silence and stay away from them. If I talk back, their ridiculous reasoning will just kill me, I'll kill my health. Please tell me how to keep calm! Arrrgh! I need to cry!

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Hang in there *hugs*. Try to stay calm as you can and work on a plan to move out when you can. Can you take a walk, go visit the library, or run an errand if your mom is getting cranky and mean?

Maybe even adjust your schedule (if you can) so you aren't interacting with them as much at home?

[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by kindachaotic

Welcome to PC!
If you're old enough try & figure out a way to move out.
Their dysfunction is not your fault. Don't let it define you.
You seem very smart with a lot of insite.
As hard as it will be try & ignore this insane chaos.
Wish you the best.

Listen to that advice...*air hug*

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[CopperStar]

I say screw the compassion route. When you have malignant parent(s), ordinary compassion is just used to hook you in like a fish. I guarantee you that she is fully aware of it when she makes that clicking sound. If you want to avoid getting upset, then must always bear in mind that she wants you to get upset. That's the main goal, every time. In her mind, she 'wins' when you get upset, and then she can paint you as crazy for being upset. Most people will tell you to do the 'right' thing and have compassion. Those people are trying to give good advice, but they clearly have no experience with a malignant parent. Just refuse to even play her game. Ignore what she says. Don't respond. Only aloof, short responses when necessary. It is always a game to malignant types. The only way you escape is when you refuse to play in the first place. If you try to be empathetic and understand them, and work things out, dollars to doughnuts says that just becomes part of the game. Waste of emotional energy.

[jadinet]

Stay Strong!

I'm curious, has she always been like this or is it recent? If it's recent something must have happened to make her act this way.

Either way I would distance yourself, try moving out. If that is not possible look for a job or try volunteer in your spare time. Just so you're not around to have to deal with her.