I find the concept and feeling of love confusing. I can't seem to hold a regular relationship with a female no matter how hard I try because I don't think I know how to love or if I do, I don't know how to show it correctly.

Please keep in mind, I was emotionally neglected and abused as a child and I was never shown any genuine love or affection which is a big reason why I feel this way.

I've never had a relationship for any more than a couple of months and most of my relations with women are superficial and physical at best. I frequently push people away or avoid letting them in yet part of me wants to.

In short, I don't know what it's like to be loved nor do I understand the feeling of love.

The closest thing that I've had to a relationship was with a long distance open relationship with a woman with BPD. We built our bond based more on a conditional selfish standpoint. We only help or care each other when one person benefits the other yet she is nurturing and affectionate when I benefit her and pushes me away when I don't. I think this is the closest thing that I will ever achieve to love with a woman.

To me, love is nothing more than an evolutionary process designed to ensure our survival and to get us to procreate. Love is selfish in it's own right and we are selfish as a species.

What do you all think? Should I give up on finding anything resembling "unconditional" love or should I seek more selfish love like I described above?

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Don't give up on love.

The survival of our species is dependent on sex, not love. I'd even go so far as to propose that love is detrimental to the species since often people in love also choose monogamy, hardly conducive to procreating as much as possible with as many as possible.

While being emotionally abused and neglected as a child has made its mark on you, it does not, in and of itself, prevent you from ever knowing or feeling love.

There are all kinds of love, "unconditional" being the most elusive of all.

Most romantic relationships fail. It's the nature of the beast. The truth is the head over heels, "in love," completely obsessed, can't keep your hands off each other love fades and you're left with a different kind of love after. The things that matter then, are things you can identify in another person now... kindness, appreciation for one another, respect, etc. Some people start there and the love grows later.

Next time you're having one of those superficial relationships, and you connect physically, take a risk, don't push them away, let them in.

[PowerOfNoSelf]

Not to make this matter more confusing, but in my opinion, Love is a matter of your perception.
Scenario: If you are in a "loving" relationship and your partner fools around on you, just once or perhaps many times, without your knowledge - you still "love" him/her because you simply don't know you shouldn't. Your thoughts are not telling you to withhold love.

Specifically to your situation "darknessismyfriend", because of your history--you have a story embedded inside of you that "love is not for me"....changing this way of thinking will be transformative for you, love most certainly can be for you, but YOU have to believe it!

I would really like to recommend this if you already haven't read it; As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. It is brilliant.

I wish you much love.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

If you think of love as a form of temporary insanity you won't go far wrong, but what do I know being old, bad, bitter, disappointed, jaded, twisted, cynical and wicked to the bone?

Thanks. I'll have to read that later.

I'm at the point to where I would strongly prefer to have a small group of friends and family that love me that I don't have go out of my way to work for versus a romantic relationship with one woman who I have to work hard for only for her to betray me me later on.

When I read stories about people who have their partners break up with them after being married for 10-20 years or more I get chills. I think focusing solely on one person is a mistake because something like that is bound to happen beings we get less attractive or change mentally as we grow older.

I believe that the only creature that can love a human unconditionally is a dog but I want to be proved wrong.

Regardless, thanks for the tips