Dating without the pressure of having drinks..

I just started my anti-anxiety/depressant medication and I'll be going on a date next week for happy hour. How do I kindly let my date know ahead of time that I'd prefer not to drink alcohol as typically expected in the type of environment?

I didn't want to do dinner because it's too formal right now. Just hanging out and getting to know each other, but still don't want to seem lame because I can't drink due to my medication (which I haven't disclosed to anyone at all, not even family).

Any suggestions? I'm stuck 😑

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On that note, how do I tell my family and friends (some who can be judgemental at times)? I've been on medication before but everyone thinks I'm fine and ok without it.

Well, if your date doesn't ask you why you're not drinking, you can tell her a white lie and say that you're just not that much of a drinker. Or better yet, oh, well since I drove here, I better not indulge. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Whatever you do, do not tell her anything about your mental issues as that will scare off most people, including people who already know you. Trust me on that. You seem to be aware of that already. Only tell people that really need to know those things like your Dr. or after you've known someone for a long time and feel like they won't head for the hills once you disclose that information.

If she asks you any nosy questions, then just change the subject right away. A good way to divert the topic is to ask her about herself as most people love to talk about themselves. As for family and friends, do the same thing. Lie about being on a diet or whatever, or that you have to get up early the next day and that you won't be able to deal with a hangover with some important thing that you have to deal with the next day at work, etc....

Good luck with everything.

Oh, here is a good one, BUT you'll have to be consistent to avoid getting caught with this white lie....tell people who do ask that you're currently taking medication for some "allergy", "headache" or other believable problem w/o obvious symptoms, lol!

Most people will back off after you tell them that. If they don't, and they have the nerve to ask you what medication you're on, then just tell, them, oh, I don't remember, it has a really long name, but all I know for sure is that my Dr. told me that taking it with alcohol is a no no. lol. Then change the subject abruptly or leave if they become nosy. Make an excuse to make a call, talk to someone else, etc....lol.

Going on a date FOR 'happy hour'. That kinda implies that you're going there to get sloshed. (British term for drunk). Go somewhere just for a coffee. Or say 'i'm not drinking tonight cos I'm already intoxicated by how beautiful you are' haha or 'i want to keep a clear head so I can appreciate your beauty.' Hehe. Don't lie though. Silly white lies at an early stage aren't a good idea. And if she's not beautiful, tell her. Women appreciate honesty, haha. Seriously though, do something where alcohol isn't an option or just say 'I'm on the wagon and I feel I'd be letting down the guys at AA if I had a drink.

I would choose somewhere else for the date, like a coffee shop. If you don't ever drink alcohol, then I would just avoid happy hours. You could go and order a non-alcoholic drink, but that would be my second choice.

I would try to avoid lying to her about why you're not drinking if you end up in that situation. In my experience, people don't appreciate lies, even white ones, when they first meet you. You can always say something like "I don't react very well to alcohol sometimes so I'd rather stick with something non-alcoholic."

I, personally, would probably just say "I take an antidepressant, and it doesn't always react well with alcohol" if the person wanted to know why I wasn't drinking, but I am in my 50s, and it seems like half the people my age don't drink for one health reason or another.

If my date wanted to know more, I'd probably say "let's save that conversation for another time - I don't want to talk about my health when we're here to socialize."

As far as telling your family and friends, I think it's entirely up to you whether or not you tell them. It's not really any of their business if you take psych meds or any other kind of meds. If they confront you about not drinking alcohol, say something like "I've been trying to avoid alcohol - I feel much better when I don't drink it."

I am sitting here now feeling bad that people are still being judgmental about taking psych meds. I went through that in the 1980s. I like to think that people have gotten more educated about mental health matters, but I suppose they haven't in all areas of the country/world.

I am struggling with talking to my mother right now and have realized I do not need to share any of that with her. Maybe there is no need to share with your family.

As for the date, ask to meet for coffee; it is often times less noisy and you can have better conversation. Or if there is a cafe with good desserts, you can do that instead. I know many people that do not drink for a variety of reasons, alcoholism, medication (not just mood meds), religious beliefs, and personal preference.

Simply don't order an alcoholic beverage. There is no need to explain yourself at all. If he inquires, simply say you prefer not to drink. You don't need to share details about this on a first, second, third date. That is not something you'd share until well into the dating scenario. It's none of their business at this point.

I don't drink. I can but just don't enjoy it. It has never been a problem for me neither dating nor not dating. I am surprised it is even an issue.

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The coffee idea is a good one. I don't normally condone lying, but sometimes you need to in some situations unfortunately. I defintely would NOT tell anyone, let alone a date about taking anti depressants or any kind of psychiatric medication unless they NEED to know about your condition.

Trust me on this, even though most people are a little more aware, and even a little more tolerant of people with certain issues, most people still DO judge people like us as being "crazy" and "unstable". Even former best friends that I've had for several years started treating me differently and started to avoid seeing me as often after I told them about the medication that I took. My parents and my sister judged me even more harshly and they began treating me worse than before. I even got locked up in this sham of a hospital once. Thankfully I got out after a few days, and that place got sued and shut down.

It didn't matter to them that the meds made me a lot more functional and a lot less depressed and anxious, to them, all they probably heard were the sound of coo coo bells in their head. The media still portrays people with mental health issues in a negative light.

Only tell people that you can trust 100% not to judge you for your condition. There are very few people like that out there. In the meantime, don't say anything to a stranger that you just met. The odds are not in your favor. Just keep the conversation lighthearted. And compliments are always appreciated by everyone.

Happy hours are typically kinda noisey.. I would rather meet someone in a coffee shop.

But the real issue is you don't have to make an excuse as to why your not having a drink.. Lots of people don't drink and its just a lifestyle choice.... has nothing do with a medication or mental/physical issue.

You're there as a first date. No need to explain anything that you order. I take a seltzer water with cranberry juice and lime. Looks like a wine spritzer, to be honest. One work function left everyone wondering how on earth did I get the tall glass? Some places stick a straw, it's no biggie. I didn't have to explain much of anything. It was a preference. It was a luncheon, I needed to pick up the kids.
But as a dating point, if you aren't a drinker and they are, sort of a flag moment, to be honest.

I didn't realize this was about first date? Do people drink on a first date? I would not no on a second date with a guy who drinks on a first date. Not classy in my books

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Just order what you want to drink. If you wanted to, just order one drink and take your time with it. I don't know your tolerance level but one drink should be fine.

If you don't order anything alcoholic, don't sweat it. Just tell them that you didn't feel like it. They don't need to know more than that, and it's also not a lie of any kind. You don't want to drink that evening. That's not an issue!

Although... going specifically out for happy hour? Unless there are also deals on appetizers or stuff? Happy hour usually means alcohol.....

Thanks for the advice everyone! When i think of happy hour, I usually think of half off appetizers and cheap deals on food. I never really go for the alcohol although I know that's why people go sometimes.

Also I know that some of you mentioned my date being a female. Just wanted to clarify that I'm a female and going out with a guy lol. It's totally fine, but just amused me and wanted to clarify.

Half-off apps are great If you never really go for the alcohol, and the date asks, just tell him that - that you never really go for much alcohol! That's the truth, and you truly don't need to disclose the medication.