[Macd123]

Okay so I'm talking to this younger friend of mine and she tells me that she's dating an older man whose been divorced twice. Then she tells me that he lied about his age when they first started dating and he is actually much older than she thought. It's probably none of my business but I couldn't help but feel a disturbing gnaw at the pit of my stomach when she was talking about this guy. First of all she's a very lovely young lady and easy to talk to - what makes her date this guy I thought. Or was that really the question I was asking? When I got home all I could imagine was her with the twice divorced older guy and I was alone - I was suddenly struck again by the random inequities of life. What gives this guy the right to marry and divorce two women and still date a beautiful young lady. The door closed, I was chained to the wall in a dark room. It was silent and cold. I hate this guy for the position he puts me in. God dammit anyway. Hope I can sleep.

[Loss4wards]

It's incredibly frustrating when someone you have feelings for doesn't see them. Personally I wonder why she would want to be with someone who started their relationship with a lie, even if it is just about their age. But that's just me.
I hope you find some peace, or at least get some sleep.

[divine1966]

Life isn't fair.

Some people do lie about age, both men and women. That's pretty dumb thing to do. Who knows why they do it

Many people are divorced twice. Divorce rate for second marriages is very high so I don't judge that.

Do you ask women out? Why don't you try online dating? Or join some groups? You might meet someone

Hope you get some rest


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[Macd123]

No I don't ask women out. I guess I was frustrated because I think she could do better - but that's judgmental and I don't really know this guy. Maybe he's a fantastic lover. Anyway I'm still dealing with a huge insecurity issue when getting close to people - the problem is I could be in a nursing home before I get to the point where having somebody else around is okay. I know I'm being a defeatist but I'm real comfortable being a solo act. Also I just don't have the energy I used to so getting aggressive is harder now. All excuses I know but I've been doing this for a long time.

but that's judgmental and I don't really know this guy. Maybe he's a fantastic lover.

I think it's good that you recognise this about your own reaction. Kudos to you.

He might be a nice man who treats her well. He might be the 'better' you think she deserves. Like you say, you don't really know him.

Nothing wrong with being comfortable being a solo act, lots of people are, only a problem if you're not comfortable with it.

[A Red Panda]

He is in a relationship with her because he took a chance.

He didn't close any doors on you. You put yourself into your isolated room. He did not put you into any situation - he doesn't even know who you are.

If nothing else, this should be a confidence builder for you to know that yes, women do not necessarily care about age. It IS possible to have a large age difference.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

It is a fact of life that no one knows what another person's motivation really is or their thoughts really are, so it is futile to be upset about the romantic activities of your friends and acquaintances. They are adults, it is up to them.

The most improbable couples often seem very happy and apparently content couples fall apart - there is just no knowing.

[Macd123]

Well I'm pretty jealous of anybody in a relationship. I've always had a thick wall around me and the thought of anyone hanging around for more than fifteen minutes scares the hell out of me. I remember listening to some guy on the radio saying that you mold your personality in your adolescence and its pretty much set in stone. Well if that's the case then I guess I was condemned from the start because I was petrified of people when I was young. It's taken me a long time to get to where I can talk to people - actually having them inside my comfort zone is something I'm still working on. But it's getting late and I don't feel that confident that everything is just going to become a rose garden. Ho-hum.