[thekingof8]

I'm not sure if this is the place to put this or not, so I apologize in advance.

I just found out today that my sister/roommate is pregnant. I should be happy. To be honest I'm more disappointed than anything. Why? She has a huge debt and money problems so I don't know how the hell she and her boyfriend are going to support this kid. She has had one failed marriage already (not her own fault, but still) and I just fear the worst in this situation. I just fear another separation, and my parents will have to bail her out.

Also, not to feel selfish, but what is going to happen to me? I guess I will have to move back home since I can't afford to live on my own. Hell, I can't even afford to stay where I am! I have to borrow from my parents constantly to make ends meet, so there is really no money left over to enjoy life.

If I do wind up staying, I don't know what will happen either. Hell, I haven't even met the guy yet. We also have 3 cats and a dog running around the house, only two bedrooms, so how is there going to be room for a baby?

Sorry to vent, I've just been through a lot the last couple of weeks. Any feedback would be appreciated.

[Open Eyes]

Your sister is pregnant, it is up to her to figure out where she is going to go with this very big commitment.

You need to slow down and think about how you are going to move forward even if it means that it will change your living arrangements. You had your sister as a room mate and while it has been a challenge for you to maintain that place to for you to live, you have also learned that it is easier to get by for you when you "share" expenses. So, if your sister has to change her lifestyle which might mean you need to move out, then you need to find another arangement where you are sharing expenses with someone else. People actually do this all the time, they can't afford to have an appartment on their own so they find a room mate to share with. Also a big trend that has taken hold is that people are buying their own homes and having an apartment set up in the home to help pay for the mortgage instead of just paying someone elses mortgage. So finding ways to be "independent" is a process and many people learn to build on that process and it is not unusual for parents to help with that effort either.

I do agree that your sister should be on more solid ground before having a child however.
IMHO, it is better to have a "commited" healthy relationship established before planning to bring a child into the world, which is a very long time and expensive commitment.

OE

[regretful]

When my niece was about 19 years old she got pregnant out of wedlock. It was not well received by my family (myself not included in that, I was happy for her)...some family members thought it to be a disaster - worries abounded. Now it is about 13 years later. After a rough start, they made it ... all of them. Give em support, if you can, because that's what people need. I hope that this works out for you and your family.

Remember to breathe.

It'll all work out. I promise. There are far more people in the world who are financially unprepared for a baby than those who are. Try your best not to take on your sister's situation and focus on your own. The baby won't be born tomorrow...nature gives us those months of pregnancy in order to prepare for bringing a baby into the world. It doesn't sound like you'll have to move really soon. You have time to figure out how you want to live you life, where, and with whom.

[SnakeCharmer]

Well, she's pregnant. It's a fait accompli. I love the definition of that term: a thing that has already happened or been decided before those affected hear about it, leaving them with no option but to accept.

It does affect you, you're left with no option but to accept the pregnancy and to figure out what to do with yourself and your pets. Your sister and her boyfriend will have to figure out what to do about their relationship and the baby.

As difficult as this is, you're going to feel a whole lot better if you love your sister up and let her know that even though it's a shock and you're worried about everything, you love her no matter what.

Right now, it's too soon to know what's going to happen next. It would be good to keep the lines of communication open with your sis and parents so you can plan for your own life, where to live, when to move, all of that.

You'll get through this and in the end you're probably going to be the most loving and indulgent aunt or uncle on the planet, even if right now you're feeling letdown and disapproving. Yeah, it would be best if your sister had planned better, but she didn't and pregnancy is often the outcome of that.

Now, okay, I know you didn't ask about this but I feel the urge to play the understanding and loving aunt toward you. If you're sexually active at all with people of the opposite sex, please use birth control until you're ready to become a parent. I don't know if you're male or female, but seeing that your name is Kingof8, I'm thinking you might be male. Condoms, used correctly and consistently, are highly effective as both birth control and disease prevention.

It's up to the person who doesn't want to get pregnant to use birth control, without relying solely on the other person. That would be you ... if you're sexually active that is.

/end of Auntie talk.

I wish you the best of luck in figuring this out.

[thekingof8]

Another situation is if everything stays the same, does that mean I'll have to help look after the kid while she is working nights? The father lives at home and is looking after his mother. I'm not exactly in the best state to look after and kid and change diapers. This may sound nuts, but I just don't want her to get rid of the cats or dog. I'd be heart-broken if they were given up. I've gotten really attached to them. They're like family to me.

I just feel like I'm going to be saddled with this. (Sigh) What to do....

[~Christina]

This is where the lines of communication needs to be WIDE open.

I doubt the first solution you all come up with is going to be written in stone .. So Breathe.. Your concerns are all valid ... You all need to sit down and start exchanging ideas. You have time.... try not to come unglued right now.

^^^ A big yes to what ~Christina posted.

[blur]

Originally Posted by thekingof8

Another situation is if everything stays the same, does that mean I'll have to help look after the kid while she is working nights? The father lives at home and is looking after his mother. I'm not exactly in the best state to look after and kid and change diapers. This may sound nuts, but I just don't want her to get rid of the cats or dog. I'd be heart-broken if they were given up. I've gotten really attached to them. They're like family to me.

I just feel like I'm going to be saddled with this. (Sigh) What to do....

you do have options. you can move into another place with a friend if that is affordable or rent a room somewhere. if you do stay at your current place and your sister wants you to babysit you get to set the terms. for example, you can tell her you will babysit 2 weeknights a week and she is on her own to take care of the rest. there are 2 parents involved here so the baby is their responsibility and not yours. chances are you will fall in love with the little noisemaker and not mind doing more but it is okay to set your boundaries at the beginning because that will likely set the tone for what happens longterm. you may get some flak for that but this is her kid not yours. good luck and enjoy the munchkin.

[healingme4me]

And to add, pets and babies do mix and often.

[thekingof8]

Now, okay, I know you didn't ask about this but I feel the urge to play the understanding and loving aunt toward you. If you're sexually active at all with people of the opposite sex, please use birth control until you're ready to become a parent. I don't know if you're male or female, but seeing that your name is Kingof8, I'm thinking you might be male. Condoms, used correctly and consistently, are highly effective as both birth control and disease prevention.

It's up to the person who doesn't want to get pregnant to use birth control, without relying solely on the other person. That would be you ... if you're sexually active that is.

/end of Auntie talk.

Hell No! I can't even support myself, let alone a kid!

And to add, pets and babies do mix and often.

I'm not worried about them getting along. It's more of a financial thing.

[thekingof8]

Well, it has been a year so I guess I should update.

Both my sister and I moved back home, so now there are 5 cats, a sad-sack dog, and a baby, sooooooooooooo yay?

As expected, the douche-bag, I mean father, doesn't want anything to do with the kid. The good news, I guess, is I can try to save some money and try to fix my credit rating (if I can). Now I'm in a house with my Mom, cranky-*** miserable father, sister, baby, and my 90 year old Grandmother (who has dementia and wakes me up half of the time when I have to work at 4am the next day).

I swear, I must have been Hitler or something in previous life time, because I'm certainly paying for it now!!!!

[cakeladie]

You know the best thing to do is look after you. Take care of you. Work on fixing your credit because you can fix it.

Take one day at a time and breath

[~Christina]

I'm glad her pregnancy went well and you have a beautiful baby to spoil.

Sure going back home is tough and all the noise and I would imagine chaos at times. But... The reality is your working on fixing your credit , you have time with family that isn't always going to be there. You are learning tolerance and trust me when you get your own place you are going to fantastic over the moon, even if your eating ramen, pbj and mac and cheese.

Hardship and less than ideal situations really does build Character.. When you live with hard stuff you really appreciate the great stuff even more

Thanks for the update

[thekingof8]

I know I should be relaxed being at home and finally being able to save money, but the chaos of the animals, baby, and Grandmother are just too much at times. I need more than 2 hours sleep before work. I just feel like I'm heading for, yet another, nervous break down.