feeling slightly unappreciated

I moved in to my bfs parents house with my bf after i made the long move across the country. I love my bf..and go figure..he is not the problem...i just feel his family unappreciates me alot of the time...granted....they are really due to give me appreciation...since im the one living in their home....i mean i pay rent and all and work a full time job and im starting college in the fall...so its not like i sit around and do nothing all day...plus i clean their home (their own children dont unless my bf who is the oldest orders them to even then they sometimes dont do it) but thats not even really the problem...i just spent 500 dollars in help with my bf to buy his sister a laptop (early birthday present) and his brother a top of line pro gaming equipment (laser gaming mouse and keyboard) ....earlier i helped them by buying them a new microwave and doing all that great stuff to fix up their house...and pay for their internet ...we installed a whole new cable system...the point is these gives were from the heart...and i will never take them back...but i never once got a thank you....just a tiny thank you...his sister never thanked me for her laptop and neither did her brother...fine...ok i can deal with no thank yous...but as you probably would guess i would have not alot of stuff...i have the bottom of the closet and i have to keep my hamper outside the closet because everyone else is using it...and i just looked out in the hallway...and there my suitcase is...they took it out of the bottom of closet so someone else could use it....i dont understand why my stuff has to go in the hallway...i cant even keep it at the bottom of the hall closet...three people moved in (aunt, uncle, and little girl) and so i am the one whose stuff is kicked out in the hallway...i guess im being selfish...but i keep moving everything around so everyone gets the best and i deal with what i got...but now i dont even get the bottom of the hall closet!!!i dont know...im just sad....i dont know ..i think my sleep meds are getting to me...i guess it wont matter so much later...

<font color="#000088"> I feel ya,I think with everything you've helped them with,you deserve,at least your own full closet,for yourself.And it's not selfish to think that you deserve more,they are being selfish by using you,and putting your things in the hallway.You have practically paid for that closet!I can see there not being much room in a full house,but with all your help,to choose your stuff to take out is very unappreciative on thier part,and I think you should tell the one you trust the most how you feel,and get your needs met!Since you're supplying some of thier needs,they at least can give you something in return,and a place to put your things is not too much to ask!Don't let people take advantage of you like that,or it will only escalate.Stand up for yourself,you're a good person,for all you've done for them.Don't take any crap like that,or they'll keep dishing it out! </font>

As I read your story, Inny, it sounds like you are bending backwards to please these people and get them to like you. And it is not producing the results you want.

If your behaviors aren't producing the results you want, how do you want to change and what results with those changes produce? Perhaps it's time to write down some alternative behaviors and what results you believe will happen.

The other thing that crosses my mind is whether some of this is you filtering events through distorted perceptions, such as depression, low self-esteem causing defensiveness, and so on. Do you have a T who can help you do a reality check and work through the emotional issues?

u deserve to have a bit of recognition.u have been good to the family and they are taking you for granted. talk to bf bout this, see what he says. (((((((((((((((((((((inny))))))))))))))))))))))) u deserve more
take care
self

thanks everyone...Wantsto....i might have distortions....i am having a really difficult time handling myself and trying to understand certain things and this might be a distortion...plus they are a different culture ...so it could have something to do with that....and part of the culture i DO know is that i have to bend over backwards to get their approval ....to show i can "keep house" and take care of my bf ....lol...thats just their culture...well..it is just a suitcase...i mean it has my stuff in it....but hey...its not like im using it as the moment...and i really truly am happy about making sure others are taken care of ...even if i do without ....i might be making a bigger deal because of some other certain monthly thing that comes around...so my hormones are out of whack even more than usual, im pretty sensitive at this time....thanks for all your replies ....i do know this is a very minor thing....and when the time comes they will step up....like to help me and my bf with wedding plans/costs when they do eventually come up since my family wont be in attendence or included....so...i guess i gotta learn that even though its in the hallway...i can make sacrifices like that because they will someday make sacrifices for their sons and my future.....

It was good to hear from you, Inny. So glad you decided to check in. Even though I brought up questions about perceptual distortion, the flip side of this is:

You are NOT ALWAYS WRONG and other people are NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. Also give yourself some credit for being right about things when you are.

((((((((((((Inny)))))))))))))))))
Try to find your own space a.s.a.p.-they should have asked before touching your suitcase. I don't care what culture they're from. It's rude to use it without asking and then not to put it back.

((((inny)))))

u got plenty of space in my heart

I agree with most of what has been said - so I don't have anything to add in that direction...

You have a very generous and giving heart. Not getting appreciated for this can definately consume us.

When I give - I try to do so anonymously - it just somehow feels even better...to be able to give someone joy without them knowing how it was received - sometimes they are even more grateful (of course you will only feel this by watching them and not telling them)

Hello InACorner,

I was wondering if understanding this families culture might give you a better insight as to what they expect of other family members? It might help to alleviate your feeling of being unappreciated as being associated with your boy friend, who is the oldest and perhaps expected to take care of the younger ones?? Just a thought.

Betrayed