Just Hello

Hello, My therapist asked me to try this. This is all difficult to talk about because of denial, but he asked me to just say hello for now so that is what I am doing. Hello.

Betrayed

Hiya! :-)

Go ahead and post whatever is on your mind. I'll care enough to try to answer :>

hi there. I know how hard it is to say what it is that is going on with you. It is like opening up yourself to strangers but if it makes you feel better we are all here for one main purpose... help. Im here for you.

i'm here for you. post away. xoxox pat

Thank you for the warm welcome. I'm not sure what to say. How to say it. I've spent all my life trying to portray a life without trouble, not allowing people to think that life was anything but perfect. Now I see it's not. And I'm afraid it's all my fault.

Betrayed

Welcome to PC!

I think you will find a lot of people who feel similar - especially creating the "perfect" life.

You will find plenty of helpful people...when you are comfortable please post more...

Bye the way congratulations on taking this big step for you!

Hi there and welcome.

Hi SongBirdandDaisy,
You don't have to be perfect here. Celebrate your imperfections with us and we'll either laugh or cry together. /

Welcome - You should be proud that you took your therapists advice and said hello.

I can relate to pretending everything is okay - I tend to do that myself. Somedays I can't figure out how I can be so happy one minute and crying and depressed the next and I thinks it's because of all the pretending.

Tranquility

SongBirdandDaisy, it gets easier as time goes by, we're all over the forum and need be you can catch us in the DD forum, your doing fine
Love and Hugs
Angie

Thank you once again everyone I'm not exactly sure what to do here. Thank you also for the encouragement and pointing out the fact that taking this first step was a good thing.

I guess I could start by saying what happened. I thought all the world was fine and then one day while fixing dinner, a strange man called me and told me my husband was having an affair with his wife. I didn't believe him. I did, however, confront my husband and he denied it. But there were tears in his eyes and I knew he was lying but I didn't want to believe it. He joked about it for two weeks and then I found an email that he printed out from "her". It was all true and my perceived world was turned upside down and suddenly, everything that I thought was real, turned out to be nothing but a lie.

I don't know what to believe anymore. The world is without substance.

Betrayed

Hello SongbirdDaisy --



It's lovely that you can choose such a cheerful name for yourself despite what has happened.

I was betrayed after 15 years with my beloved, and I know what you mean -- that feeling that the world has turned upside down, that the very earth has been cut away from under you. I am 4 years out from that and still recovering. It doesn't take everyone that long, but it happened to me in my senior years.

I hope you are getting support IRL as well as here.

Hugs and hugs.

Songbird,

Your husband is a liar. A strange man wouldn't call you and say your husband was having an affair with his wife if it wasn't so. Then an e-mail shows up from her. Not a coincidence.
You have a lot on your plate to deal with. Good luck to you and I'm sending good vibes your way.

Wants,

You sound like a cheerful person, despite what has happened. Pointing out the name I had chosen . . . You are an inspiration.

You mentioned that this happened to you four years ago and are still healing . . . when does the pain stop? When does the faith in the other person start to come back?

We have been married for 22 years and he is the only man I have ever known. I just don't understand.

Hello Guy,

Thank you for sending me good vibes. I certainly need them right now and appreciate the support.

I wasn't sure coming here was a good idea because I was afraid to "air my dirty laundry". But I see that there are a lot of caring people here and that we can all possibly heal from each other.

I do have a therapist (to answer Wants question) who is helping me and I am finding comfort in this forum, knowing that I am not all alone in this. And I am sorry that others have to go through this as well.

Hugs to everyone who needs them.

Song

Songbird

I am so sorry. I was married once and I hold trust as the biggest part of a relationship. After a year and a half I found out that he lied about something he told me a week before we got married.

That was the end - I could not get around it.

Your in my thoughts

Tranquility

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SongBirdandDaisy said:
Wants,

You sound like a cheerful person, despite what has happened. Pointing out the name I had chosen . . . You are an inspiration.

You mentioned that this happened to you four years ago and are still healing . . . when does the pain stop? When does the faith in the other person start to come back?

We have been married for 22 years and he is the only man I have ever known. I just don't understand.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Unfortunately, Daisy, I am not a cheerful person. The pain is mostly gone. It took two years before I stopped feeling like I was living in a dream or nightmare. I had many conversations with women and a few men who lost others through divorce, abandonment, or death, and did some reading, and two years seems to be about the average for the pain to subside. Less time for some, more for others.

As for ever being able to trust and love again, I don't know if I will ever have that again. I used to call him "my angel" and "the best person I have ever known" and I was completely blindsided. I have zero interest in dating or being around men. I still have more trouble socializing, even making phone calls than I used to before all this happened.

I wish had better news -- that I bounced back after a month or two and life is better than ever. I wish it had been that ay.

Sad to hear what happened :-(

(Hugs) hope you feel better.

hello, i am so sorry what happened to you. mu husband had an affair 18 months after we were married and had just had a beautiful little girl . i decided to try and forgive him and give him the benefit of the doubt - everyone makes mistakes. we have been together now for 19 years, had our struggles and learned from them. marriage is so hard, especially when something like this happens. a lot of people in my situation would have left. i stayed, we had a son. things aren't always rosey, i forgave him but will never forget. he regrets it now. i had a 10 minute drunken fling one night which he found out about, i know 2 wrongs dont make a right, but we got over that too. we go through bad patches, then good. it's life. i hope whatever decision you come to will be for the best. here to support you all the way. pm me anytime. my heart is with you i know how you feel.

jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxox

I too am sorry for you ~ for all of us, for that matter ~ who have been betrayed. I hope that we will all be able to find peace ~ if nothing more than in fellowship.

Song

Wants,

Thank you for sharing your honesty. Some people would try and make this all sound rosy and it's nothing but. Perhaps just take it one step at a time and see where my heart leads me?? The heart muddies up everything and I tend to be very analytical about it all. An abusive childhood taught me not to put my heart out there, then, I too, found "an angel" and thought I could let my guard down. I don't know if I can stand the pain of every trying to trust again.

I don't know. I guess we'l just have to see. Right now, I'm just numb.

Hello Jinnyann,

Thank you for the kind support and for sharing your story with me. I've heard several stories now and appreciate everyones ability to share. I know it must be hard for everyone. I see where some have decided to stay, some to go, and some still struggling. You are right, there is no formula that provides an answer. I guess it's just about working through the pain and finding what each person can live with.

Song OOOOO

i was so in love and was betrayed. with a much, much younger woman that worked for him.

everyone in town knew but me......i trusted him too much to ever suspect him. i'm still single 16 years later. trust issues. i see someone and we're very close but i have boundaries that i'll probably always have.........good luck,xoxox pat