[xx_tpm-life_xx]

My Father use to be an alcoholic and druggie, he cheated on my mom a lot. After they divorced (5-6 years ago) he's had 5+ relationships, 1 illegal marrige which was annulled in 2 months. And 1 engagement and then they "broke up". I just don't know why he likes them more than me. I don't even think he loves me. He started flirting with my mom! And he's mean to me. He always puts me down and says, that's stupid. You'll never be like that (when I was talking about my diet) and always converts God into it, don't get me wrong I'm a Christian but every 2 seconds from a hypocrite? He talks about my mom too, like he's the better parent when I have to call to try to make plans and almost beg him to spend time with my. My mom and psychologist want me to tell him how I feel but I have before and that got me no where. He'll most likely laugh in my face or cry like he did last time and scream at me and yell it's really scary tbh. Any advice? :/

[Rose76]

Your mom and the psychologist have no business telling you what you should talk to your father about. That is totally up to you.

If he has overcome his addictions, that is huge. Give him some credit for that. Further change can take a lot if time.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Both your parents should be putting your interest first. Doesn't sound like they are.

[xx_tpm-life_xx]

Yea, very true. Thanks!

[guilloche]

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. Rose is right, your parents should be putting you first... unfortunately, sometimes that doesn't happen.

I really wanted to say one thing to you - if your dad doesn't love you, that's totally on him. You could be the most perfect, wonderful, lovable, amazing person in the world... and it wouldn't change his feelings. It's not really about you, it's about him, and his own brokenness. It's a hard thing to recognize, and it is completely unfair to you. But, hopefully it helps to know that it's not because of who you are, or anything you've done. It's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on him. Does that make sense?

About talking to him, that's a tough one. How do you get along with your therapist? Do you find that she's helpful at all? You might want to see if she can role-play these conversations with you. Like, she'd be you, and you would be your dad. That way, you can see how she might handle the types of things that he says.

I don't want to push you to talk to him if you don't want to, I think that has to come from you. But, I do think that your therapist might be able to help you learn the conversational skills to deal with really tough, emotional conversations and with people pushing back on you. These are *great* skills to have, and if you can get help in learning them now, you'll likely find lots of use for them as you get older and move in to the world.

Good luck, *hugs*!

[xx_tpm-life_xx]

Originally Posted by guilloche

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. Rose is right, your parents should be putting you first... unfortunately, sometimes that doesn't happen.

I really wanted to say one thing to you - if your dad doesn't love you, that's totally on him. You could be the most perfect, wonderful, lovable, amazing person in the world... and it wouldn't change his feelings. It's not really about you, it's about him, and his own brokenness. It's a hard thing to recognize, and it is completely unfair to you. But, hopefully it helps to know that it's not because of who you are, or anything you've done. It's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on him. Does that make sense?

About talking to him, that's a tough one. How do you get along with your therapist? Do you find that she's helpful at all? You might want to see if she can role-play these conversations with you. Like, she'd be you, and you would be your dad. That way, you can see how she might handle the types of things that he says.

I don't want to push you to talk to him if you don't want to, I think that has to come from you. But, I do think that your therapist might be able to help you learn the conversational skills to deal with really tough, emotional conversations and with people pushing back on you. These are *great* skills to have, and if you can get help in learning them now, you'll likely find lots of use for them as you get older and move in to the world.

Good luck, *hugs*!

Yes that does make sense, thank you. And I just met him 4 weeks ago he's pretty nice. That's a good idea thanks!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

So sorry for your situation but I can relate. My dad is a alcoholic and was very violent when I was a kid. He cheated on my mom and then my half sister was born. My mom had Just passed and my dad moved his gf into the house along with my new half sister. I was the middle child and got stuck taking care of my sister every day. My dad would take his gf out drinking/partying every night and I would be so jealous th he didn't want to spend time with me.

Now I'm 28 and it may sound like a excuse, but I blame him for how I turned out. All those years of beatings and verbal drunken abuse. Now id say I have some daddy issues. Actually today he told me to go f$&k myself! So I said he ruined me and caused my PTSD. He claims because we always had food on the table and clothes, he was a good parent. Lol sorry but even if he was a millionaire, he still sucked *** as a father figure. It hurts bad to feel that your own parent doesn't like you. I'm really sorry you're in that situation. ((Hugs))

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Lamictal titrating at 75mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 50mg PRN

[xx_tpm-life_xx]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

So sorry for your situation but I can relate. My dad is a alcoholic and was very violent when I was a kid. He cheated on my mom and then my half sister was born. My mom had Just passed and my dad moved his gf into the house along with my new half sister. I was the middle child and got stuck taking care of my sister every day. My dad would take his gf out drinking/partying every night and I would be so jealous th he didn't want to spend time with me.

Now I'm 28 and it may sound like a excuse, but I blame him for how I turned out. All those years of beatings and verbal drunken abuse. Now id say I have some daddy issues. Actually today he told me to go f$&k myself! So I said he ruined me and caused my PTSD. He claims because we always had food on the table and clothes, he was a good parent. Lol sorry but even if he was a millionaire, he still sucked *** as a father figure. It hurts bad to feel that your own parent doesn't like you. I'm really sorry you're in that situation. ((Hugs))

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Lamictal titrating at 75mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 50mg PRN

Aw I'm sorry to hear! My dad was a major alcoholic and druggie... He is the cause of my eating disorders I think.. And major im my anxiety and depression (hugs)